To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/09 14:11
Subject: Re: [K-list] empaths .. Mystress ..
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2001/05/09 14:11, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 06:10 AM 5/9/01, Fiona and Christopher wrote:
>Hello Mystress,
>
>We would, if we may, share with you the energies we perceive behind
>and between the words you have shared with the list ..
>
>These are our impressions - for you to take or leave as you choose.
Okie Dokey!
>At 06:11 PM 9/05/01, you wrote:
> >So in the end, through some illogical twist of logic, I decided to
> >skip the middleman and simply apply the curse directly to myself..
>
>It may have seemed illogical but quite often this 'twist' comes from
>re-enacting the life of some long dead ancestor who may have either
>had a curse placed on her or cursed herself.
It seems illogical in hindsight, it made perfect sense, at the time..
and did provide many unexpected benefits. I have no regrets, I checked
with my intuition before applying it... but it is not something I would
recommend... not at all. Unless you would like to try it for yourself..;)
:P See if you really are as clear as you think.. heh heh heh..
> >Well, three days later I was apologizing to Goddess for my arrogance,
> >and begging for mercy, to have the timeline extended.
>
>Again ...the entreaties of a distant ancestor ..
>who begged the Goddess for mercy to spare her life .. ?
Uh.. the entreaties of me caught in what seemed like an extended bad
acid trip. Cold energy pouring off me that smelled like death.. emotional
energy releasing, hallucinations, panic attacks.. it was a very weird
state. Not pleasant!!
I have encountered ancestral stuff before.. during my original K-fired
ego death, I had thousands of ancestors in the room with me, upset that I
dared to earn money in joy and create effortless abundance.. as if that
negated their experience of struggle. Very weird. I found someone to ground
me, finally.. and she gave me the sage advice: Just love them. To break the
chains of struggle and poverty, set them all free. Never did follow up on
the abundance plan tho, which was to become an SM pornographer.
This does not seem ancestral, tho.. not of my own ancestors, at least,
that has been cleared. This is stuff I picked up from elsewhere.
>This continues until the new pattern becomes familiar enough for
>us to accept new possibilities .. and it is only then that we start to
>be able to accept the ascended state.
I had been in that state many times, previous to this event.. I had
just never been able to sustain it for so long.
>do not judge yourself so harshly .. it is not a descent from grace
>but the unconscious taking on of the doubts of some other who
>fears what she/he cannot understand.
Could be... I was in a Karma Vampire agreement with the person I made
the promise to. She was vanishing too, as people in unity with me, often
do. She could not quite get the hang of being ascended.. was starting to
seriously resist it. The past is forgiven, there is love.
Now she is in a much better state, and coming back into my life. I am
glad of it, there is much love.. but I am looking to resolve what debris of
issues still remain in myself, so history does not repeat itself. The
events last June were traumatic enough that my body was still going into a
post traumatic stress reaction from seeing her name in my email inbox, 7
months later, even tho my mind was cleared of the debris. It was very odd,
never had that before.. want to be sure it is all cleared before she comes
back into my physical space.
>The fragrance of roses is often associated with the state of the body
>after death for those who have achieved enlightenment..
Well, I am a dead woman.. no problem. Been dead for a few years now..
dead and gone into the Light. Quite like it, actually. :) Except when I
crash to Hades.
I know the scent of roses is often associated with Mary, but also with
Kami-ma and Quan Yin. The Mother Goddess.. normally my scent is sandalwood
and old roses, but other times it is stronger than now.
> it is also associated with even earlier memories
> of Celtic Priestesses who compromised their
> own personal integrity and their knowing in the
> face of the invading Church .. a self judgement
> which was then faced by the priestess on her
> deathbed as a judgement ... which becomes a curse
Priestess past lives, I have many.. once a Witch, always a Witch.
Catholic Nun past lives.. none that I know of. Feels odd to be considering
the effect of past lives at this point, I have pretty much integrated the
collective, so I can draw on any part of it to create "past" lives for
myself, but feel no need to. The power is in the here and now.
I was born into a RC family, spent my childhood juggling what the church
taught me, with what I intuitively knew to be true. I was very devout till
age 12, which is odd considering I was such a little heretic, secretly.
> >sandalwood and bananas.. (that last,
> >was Goddess sense of humor) and being literally invisible to some people.
>
>Yes I have had that experience.
I love it! It is fun! I have had that experience on and off, for several
years now.. just not lately, which is the odd thing.
> >Finally I realized that they simply could not see me. So, I simply took
> >on enough ambient Karma from the crowd, to have a shadow.. enough
> >separation to be visible, because invisibility is not much fun in a social
> >situation.
>
>It can be quite scary (for the reasons outlined above) to accept that you are
>"invisible" because you have no "aura" or Akashic field visible to the looker
>who cannot see past their own reflections ..
No, it is not scary to me, I love it! It's neato!! Wheeee!! I have been
vanishing in my scrying mirror for a few years, now.. fun game! Just, not
lately. Since last June, I cannot quite vanish entirely.. I consider being
able to vanish, an accurate measurement of how clear my energy is. Lately,
it is not clear enough to disappear. Close, I do turn black and nearly
disappear, but not enough to see the wall behind my head.
However, being invisible can be rather lonely, in a social situation.
:) Odd, to wave hello to someone you know, who is looking in your
direction, and get a blank stare, no reaction at all.. hee hee...
>This state comes about when the conscious and unconscious minds
>are operating as one .. and there is no repressed unconscious thought
>process .. which is the energy "seen" by others.
Yes, when there is no separation, no karma, no awareness of self. No
shadow to show up in duality-space and show presence.
I have also been told I vanish when out of body.. and I am out of body
many times a day.. ADD blink-outs, going into the Void, or going off to
check on someone. I just don't seem to be able to do it, recently. I even
tried to give up my attachment to vanishing, and the whole idea of using it
as a measurement... but Goddess gave it back. It is Truth.
> This is the typical characteristic of the penance
> or martyr attribute of sacrificial service which I
> associate with what I term "the nun archetype"
I usually apply responsibility for martyrdom to that inner child of
mine, the devout little catholic schoolgrrl who wanted to be Christlike. I
send her off into the light periodically, when she gets too stubborn. She
is quite the little martyr.. I keep telling her, Jesus did that trip once
and for always, so you don't have to.. :) Sometimes it helps.. she knows
that I don't really belive Jesus ever existed, as an individual, so she
does not always trust my opinion about him. I send her into the Light so he
can tell her, himself.. he does exist, as an Archtypal Divinity, in the
collective.
>As above .. it depends on the impersonal consciousness of the priest ..
> going beyond the impression, what was your "gut instinct of this
> interchange ..
I thought it was funny.. he does not really understand my magic..
although, he is also the person who told me the joke about the Chinese
curse, years before. He is an interesting character, he is into Martial
arts, has been a Methodist Minister, and has been pagan for many years,
now. A gentleman and a scholar.
He is a sweetie! He is not my High Priest, we are in different
covens... I know his wife well, they are polygamous. Actually, he is only
second degree initiate, but he was acting High Priest for that ritual.
He told me last weekend, that he has been very sexually aware of me
ever since that time a few years ago when I dragged him into my bathroom
for a shower tantra demonstration of raising energy, and afterwards he gave
me the five-fold kiss of the Goddess. Makes sense.. in his belief system,
such an act of recognition and devotion is simple ritual of recognising the
Goddess in a woman, but in mine it is part of the bond of slavery. Unity. I
think I will have to explain the connection and work that out with him.
when opportunity presents itself.
I remember that shower tantra well, he is an experienced energy worker
and dedicated to Herne the Hunter. At one point I hit the limit of what
energy I could raise, so I breathed the name of Herne in his ear.. and
experienced an orgasm so sudden and intense it was like being hit by an
oncoming train. :) Wheeee!!
Thus, his sexual awareness of me, comes from this lifetime.. not the
past... and I enjoy it.
> >The promise was a form of resistance, and trying to keep my word, I
> >sacrificed my state of Grace.. and ended up sacrificing the promise, too,
> >in the end.. but by then it was too late. I was stuck in Hades.
>
>Interesting use of language ...
>out of whose eyes are you looking
My own eyes, Christopher.
When I became a Shaman of Chacmool, the rain God of the Yucatan, we both
realized that there was no point to my learning the exact language and
rituals of the long dead Mayans.. There was no place for them, in the
modern world. So instead, I gave him free range to wander through the
library of my unconscious and find appropriate metaphors for the stuff he
wanted to teach me, that I would resonate with and understand. What he
found, was my Christian background, a lot of Greek Mythology and Faerie
tales, comic books, vampire stories, Science Fiction, Masonic studies, the
writing of Joseph Campbell, and the King Arthur Grail legend.
My graduation Ritual as a Shaman, was the bloodless heart sacrifice of
the Mayan Royal family, the Sun King ritual, which took the form of the
myth of Persephone.. Sacred marriage to Chacmool/Hades/ and my own shadow
side... who is Archangel Lucifer, but shows up as an Archetype of Vlad the
impaler... who was of the Masonic Illuminati. I did not know who he was,
for many years, so I named him "Armand". He is beloved.. he was my Teacher,
in learning to be a Domina in service to the Light.
My Mayan heart sacrifice was to give my heart away in marriage, as
Persephone, Goddess of Rebirth.. and I got back the Grail, symbolic of
unity with the Earth itself.. Normally, my heart beats in perfect time with
the Schumann resonance. Arthur was one with the Land, and when his heart
broke, the Earth lost its fertility.
Vancouver has gotten much less than its usual rainfall, this winter.. I
do not claim responsibility for that, but I do wonder about it.
As a Shaman, I can and do walk the underworld, and my conceptualization
of it draws on Dante, the Persephone Myth, and Chapel Perilous.
"Better to be a slave in Heaven than King of Hell".. and I am a happy
slave of Heaven, most of the time, except when Goddess (or my own "good
intentions") calls on me to go be King of Hell, tour guide to lead someone
else out of there.. via Shakti and empathy.. what I call a Karma Vampire
agreement. Helping them work through their layers of Karma with forgiveness
and surrender, till they reach the ascension portal, at the center that
Dante described. Dangerous work, because if they attach to something along
the way, I end up stuck there with them and have to cut off all contact,
return to sender to get free again.
I have pretty much resolved to give up that work, in future because it
is a lack of faith, in a way.. and I am no good to anyone when I get stuck,
which has happened several times.. but first I need to get myself clear,
again.
My error that time, was that the person I was working with was MPD, and
I neglected to get consent from all of her egos.. some of the personas got
scared and took over, and those ones had no recollection or understanding
of our agreement, and resisted fiercely. They saw it as me trying to kill
them... which in a way, was true.. death is the portal to the Light. The
one that was beneath, still wanted to be healed and would not surrender the
agreement. I sacrificed everything, making one leap of faith after another
.. but the leaps were badly chosen and I crashed.
I do not blame her, the error was mine. Since then she has integrated
them all, with the help of conventional Psychiatry.. but it seems I have
not yet fully resolved the trauma of it, within myself. I am stuck in
Chapel Perilous, Hades.. trying to work my way out of the trap I got myself
into, with my "Good intentions", so I can get properly ascended again...
and unable to pinpoint where the stuckness is.
> can you see here why we wrote of the nun/priestess above ..?
Priestess, yes.. Nun.. I don't think so.
>>I want to go home again.
> From what we have written above, are there any possibilities
>that you can consider as the source of the feeling .. for example
>could this be the anguish of a Celt ancestral archetype ..
> or of some other distant relative ..
No, the homesickness is most reminiscent of coming from the light
under the ground, age 2.. and trying my whole life, to get back there..
which I finally did, clearing the last fragment of my splintered ego,
through the Persephone ritual.
It is childlike.
> Is home a place you have been to before ..
> or is it barred to you?
>
> if so .. by whom ...
:) By me.. by the birth of my ego age 2.
>Yes ..when I go deep into my body there are many more details
>and memories that come to my consciousness but only some get shared ..
>because people wouldn't believe it unless they saw or knew for themselves.
:) Yep.
> >Ditto.. winging it. My stubbornness, my Dominant persona and my
> >agreement with Goddess to serve Her within myself and have none before Her,
> >kind of precludes my accepting any kind of Guru or full time teacher.
>
>Exactly .. the body is the ultimate guru with all of the accumulated
>wisdom and knowing stored in its cells.
>
> along with all of the opposites ...
Which need to be merged into unity.
> > Yet.. I know all this stuff is not my own. I cleared all of my own
> >karma, I ascended and then I fell from grace..
> Again ...are they the words of Mystress or the person
> who is seeking release from her body ..
State of Grace is my own language.. how I refer to the Ascended state.
Hmm.. it is interesting how you put that.. "the person who is seeking
release from her body" is resonant, more than anything else you have
written here.
I had not considered before, that perhaps one of the MPD personas got
stuck in me!! Gosh, that makes a lot of sense!!
Bzzzz!! Resonance! Ripples of resonance, a lot of events falling into
place and making sense where there was not sense, before. Considering it
from that perspective, I can indeed get a clear sense of the .. visitor,
the stowaway within myself. Hello, little girl..! Where have you been
hiding? Quite the game of hide and seek we have been playing these past
months.. awww.. she is sweet! She seems to think I am her Mother.
Well, no problem, I know exactly how to handle this, now that I have
identified where this stuff is coming from. Thank you!
> >and now this is stuff that
> >has become mine, because it is stuck in me..
>
> From our experience is possible to clear it ...
There is nothing that cannot be cleared.. I know this.. My methods
usually clear stuff quicker than yours do. :) I simply could not identify
*what* needed to be cleared.
Well, I am off to take a sweet little girl by the hand, and lead her
Home to the Light.... eyes going misty with tears.. yes. Resonant. Beauty.
Thank you, Christopher.. I got what I needed to hear, in that one
line.. I am tempted to delete the rest of this letter, but for these last
paragraphs.. I'll leave it in.. perhaps someone will find use in it.
Blessings!
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