To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/05 23:03
Subject: Re: [K-list] EGO
From: Pepper J. Baxter
On 2001/05/05 23:03, Pepper J. Baxter posted thus to the K-list:
I always felt I understood death and had no fears about it. Then I found I was
never in fear of it, but that I never understood it.
I've had 3, maybe 4 NDS's, and have came to terms with death of the body. At 67
I am much closer to death of the body even if I go 30 or so more years, and feel
the subtle truths whispering around me of these things as to how it really
works. Not so scary from here to there now that I am up closer. I find I neither
want to go in particular. Nor do I want to not go in particular. There is more
to life than to focus on "death" this late date in "life." The thing I would
worry about more is not being on my own steam physically, and mentally in the
years before I die. Still, I don't dwell on it. It really is just transition
from a worm, to a butterfly, to a Light, and if I weren't on my own steam, that
too shall pass. I have that if nothing else.
The second time I ever died in this lifetime was on an operating table after
nearly having my tube burst. I had gotten pregnant in my tube, and when the Dr
opened me up a whole bunch of greenish yellow junk rolled out, and I was
instantly full of infection, and I had to have all but a forth of an ovary, and
my uterus cut out at age 25. I was told I had been clinically dead for a few
minutes. While under, my astral self sat up in my body and looked at a huge
clock on the wall directly in front of me. A clock that really wasn't there! It
said 4:15. (Actually it said,"Tick tock" too!) I was about to look to see how
long it would be till they were done as I was so tired ...but a voice said not
to or I would go into shock. I laid back down and went back into blackness.
I had heard the Dr, and nurses telling jokes and when I told them about it my
after the op the Dr said that happens quite a lot. I had even seen my husband
outside the op room being held back by staff. He thought they were laughing and
making fun of me instead of laughing at jokes, and he was going to punch someone
out.
Then, once I was driving a convertible, and skidded on some black ice and went
over into a canal which wasn't full of water as it was winter. I flew out of the
window and landed so hard that I couldn't breath, and was turning color.
I then came out of my body thinking it was the end of it. I saw a truck driver
pull up onto the bank and watched as he crawled down to get me. He picked me up
in his arms. I heard something snap like a bone but it wasn't. Then I lost
consciousness. He took me to the hospt in this little town I had just left. I
was 23 years old, and 3 mos pregnant with my son. He didn't get hurt at all in
there. When I woke up and asked how much I owed him, the doctor said, "nothing!"
"The trucker paid for it and said it was his good deed for the day, and didn't
leave his name."
The time before the last time I died was when my brother died, and I had to move
across state to get to him, and to sign for his cremation. All that was left of
him was a tiny box of ashes. This hideously canceled out the first, and second
belief about what death was right then and there on the spot. I had literally
thrown back my head and screamed to God, "You lied to me! He's gone, and I'll
never see him again." I could not bare to use the word "dead" because it was so
final I think. A few days later I was walking down the sidewalk thinking how I
was taking my brothers death much better than I thought. I stepped out into an
inner section and fainted dead away! I hit a curb and cracked the left femur
bone at the flair-out near the hip. All my top teeth were loosened, and were a
real mess for years.Two guys took me to a near by hospt. I came to and was
helped into a room. They sat me on a table, and not knowing I was in such pain
they left me sitting there for 2 hours while they literally sewed up some
mexican guys who had been in a knife fight, and were in bad trouble. I had kept
telling them I was okay. I was in shock, and didn't know what had happened. I
sat there like I was doing okay. All that blood and guts at the other table made
me feel ashamed to complain. By the time I got to surgery I was in shock. The
Dr. brought me back to life. Then he gave me holy hell for having just sat there
acting as if I were okay. I found my self still mad at God. I was 56 years old.
This is too long to enter my last episode. I will say I came to terms with death
and it's meaning for me. Pepper
bob johnson wrote:
> The ego is necessary to alleviate the doubt of our being.
> Without ego there is nothing to reflect back upon.
> Think about it,sounds scary,thats why we encounter our subconscious fear,the
> subconscious manifested.
> The ego makes it possible to live within the plane before
> enlightenment,once the need for ego is gone we can live our true nature.
> Mind body the opposites reconciled.Dont knock the ego to go beyond you will
> have to face the fear of death itself. Sound scary it is,but well worth the
> effort.
> Bob
>
> ___
>
>
>
>
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