To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/05 00:52
Subject: [K-list] story of voice and snake sex
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/05/05 00:52, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Michael and Sherman:
Sherman wrote:
I never thought I would write this experience to this list, but now that this
post and its catalitic post before it has been written here, I trust you all
enough to hear this...
In 1982, I was living with my second husband and I was in a situation... I
was beginning to have visions, but was ignoring them... I kept hearing voice,
"knock, knock... are you awake?" in my dreaming... just an example... My most
loved fox terrier Mindy was always talking to me in my sleep, all her views
of the previous day, and it was obvious to me she was a guardian and an
angel, guarding me against the harm of the past...
This was not a beginning of my connection and k awakening, it was a
significant plateau, where my thoughts turned into voice and my dreams became
lucid and my conscious self became aware that it was the true real part of
being one with the Divine. And coming from a very straightforward German
ethnic practical type Hitler style abuser who never went to church, I was
always retorting to these thoughts in a dialogue, that I wanted proof. PROOF,
proof that I was not hallucinating, loosing my reality, my mind, my sanity...
I would say these things in response to the lucidity of the other side of the
veil... it was a real dialogue...
Things were really tough back then... I was with Mike, who started drinking
when he found out his mother was dieing, then my parents started to encourage
him to abuse me... now that came in its many subliminal forms, it felt deeply
subconsciously conveyed with lots of power energy... I still do not
understand it, but Michael, after some time of it, began to be very
physically abusive, and finally it was at that point that I did not know from
one day to the next if I would be killed by him... so many close calls...
well...
there was no pain involved, really... I had learned in my earlier
enlightening how to shut off or leave pain... my parents forced me to have to
know, and frankly, Michael couldnt ever compete with my father's abuse if he
even wanted to try... Michael's violent part of mind was not vendictive like
my parents' was.
anyway... I admitted to myself to try to leave and couldnt and realized I was
trapped there for awhile, that part is a longer story, and not worth
mentioning here now... but at that point where I felt I might really be hurt
badly enough to be dead, I set my energy to prepare... it was 1981 or so and
I was 26.
During this phase, I was on my knees and belly chanting every day all day
long, begging to know God before I left... begging for proof, for the
tangible, and not just belief, but the realness of it...
I started hearing a voice... where the voice came from or if it was really
audible, I do not know, since I was tranced most of the time I was
chanting... but I do know I had real dialogue, and again, not known if it was
audible, but if anything felt audible, it felt huge and loud in my head...
My dialogue continued... I didnt really have a sense of time, but these
events were taking place while Michael was working and I felt trapped
there... and basically... I was asking for the proof of God -- intensely and
asking over and over for days... many days... and finally the voice and
dialogue.
The volume of information was intensely overwhelming... most I cannot
verbalize. I was giving the entire bible in terms of what parts were
authentic and what parts were twisted and false... what faiths to go
experience and which parts of them were "authentic" and how to assimilate all
my educational experience of all these religious thoughts... I was told about
resonance, how to sense safety and truth and grace in my messages from spirit
voices and from humans... what purpose I would serve and why I have lived the
experiences that I did... I did question the voice about this, saying that I
thought my own mind was fabricating some of this... that I wanted proof of
authenticity...
I then awoke in my sleep during one dream and remember distinctly saying "hey
wait now, I am strung out and traumatised and stressed to the degree that I
could just be hallucinating all of this, and it is just nothing but my own
fabrication and insanity, since so much trauma is going on in my life" I NEED
PROOF...
So, I was instructed to take dictation, in my dream... that I would wake up
and my angel/dog would be dying and that upon seeing this I was to go back to
the OBGYN and ask for a new PAP, that it would come back that I had cancer,
after just getting a clean test only a few days before... MANY specific
things were told to me, including the entire event of this illness, right
down to who would come to visit me in the hospital and every word they would
say to me, time of my surgery, what room I was in... everything...
and I woke up, and everything unfolded right down to the dialogue between the
surgeons in surgery and my domestic violence counselor crying on the pad of
my gurney as I went into the prep room...
The rest of my questions were answered, that Michael would stop hitting and I
was surrounded by a cocoon of protection energy, and that all I had to do was
envision it and it would be mine... yes it was true, too.
When I layed in my bed home from the hospital... all cozy warm in a loving
pain of recovery... thinking of the voice, and all that I now knew, I fell
asleep completely healed... I loved my experiences and romanced them for
several days and after my surgery was healed I started having dreams of the
very hefty brown kundalini snake entering me in a sexual way and I would be
asleep in orgasm all night long... and the terror of not knowing what this
snake was in context to... even then, I could not stop the physical and very
real sensations of him entering me and caressing my legs and twirling around
in my uterus until I was in orgasmic delirium...
the idea that it was a snake the thickness of my thigh consumed my erotic
self, while the snake ideation still terrified me and I worried that I was
possessed for and for months and months I worried, and could never tell
anyone ever about this until now... I realize now that my worry had finally
sent him away... and that is why the nightime romance ended...
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