To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/04/29 10:25
Subject: Re: [K-list] Birthday .. Deathday .. the end of the line
From: José

Dear Fiona,

You impress and shock me, for recognizing the feelings.
 I know this, but you CAN free yourself from this. Please don't repeat the
guilt thing and make it worse.

> My body believes I killed my mother and every time I approach my
> birthday .. my body remembers.
>
> Every time I face a re-birth and/or I cut ties from my mother,
> there is the body belief that I could kill her ..
> And , as at my birth, she knew, she would know again
> and project her issues on me to stop the re-birth process.
>
> All my life I was never good enough no matter what I've done ..
> usually to gain her approval.

Years ago I stood in the window ready to jump, since I was convinced my
grandmother would die if I carried on living. I was partly raised by my
grandmother. I came into this world as the first grandchild in a family of
grandparents, mother, aunt, uncle. Every relationship was disturbed, and ALL
expections were on me as a baby, to fix things, mend the family, do whatever
my grandmother never could etc. In manic state I felt a guilt being alive,
towards my grandmother.
As you say, life and death are connected. They are, I have relived this many
times. But now I struggled to be free from the thoughts and expectations of
my family, because I am alive because I WANTED TO LIVE. No matter how many
years it takes to shake this off, it does not end with your mothers dead or
yours, it ends when you start to live.

You know, I think Friday the 13th is a very auspicious day to be born on. If
you have the guts to be born on friday the 13th, you have the guts to LIVE.
Please do so!

José

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org

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