To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/04/25 05:48
Subject: RE: [K-list] "Ravings of a Mad Housewife"
From: Laur
On 2001/04/25 05:48, Laur posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Pepper,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me - and I thought I had it
bad! Seems that K will go to all lengths to get our full attention. I was
pretty stubborn, but the ugly stuff only surfaced in dreams with me. In
hindsight, what does that dream tell you?
A dream I had a near the onset of my 3-month long bout with awakening K was
about digging up bodies too: In my dream I was on a ranch inside an old
barn and happened to find some Indian beads. I was happy and excited and
started to do some more poking around thinking, "this must be an old Indian
site and there's probably a lot more stuff here". As I found more artifacts
I began digging deeper, but it wasn't dirt I was digging in- More like
pulling up layers of old grungy carpet. When I finally got down into the
soil below, I was shocked and horrified by what I found: the remnants of a
tiny baby's body - just a rib cage and part of a fragile jawbone. I felt
saddened at first and then outraged, because it seemed evident that this was
not a natural death; I felt I knew that this baby (and also it's mother) had
been murdered. I then vowed to make it my mission to investigate the
crime....
This one got my attention, but had I been served up dead bodies in the
DAYTIME like you - I'm sure I would have gone right over the edge!
I also sense its not appropriate to unload this kind of stuff on people who
can't relate. Partly because I am really not interested in having everyone
think I'm nuts, but also because I don't think they need to hear it yet. I
am steadily becoming more comfortable with my new self and less concerned
what others think, but find I am still reticent more because hearing it is
not in their best interest. I have a neighbor who I go walking with fairly
often and who shares a lot of personal stuff with me - I find myself acting
as sounding board and counselor. She's from a traditional Christian
background and at this point is searching for a church for herself & family.
I feel like I'm challenging her perceptions of spirituality enough just by
the fact that she knows we don't go to church at all and that we're pretty
nice people and actually more moral than her fundamentalist friends (some of
which are married with kids and all cheating on each other). But the other
day, she shared some of her dreams with me, and I might be able to help with
that....
Lately, I am finding others that are closer to the same path as me. And
actually, because I requested it- I just said: I think it would be really
nice if... or something better of course. And PRESTO, I've got some new
neighbors - one woman who has had some awakening experiences herself and a
like need to share the path with SOMEONE, plus they have kids to play with
mine and an older daughter who baby-sits! It just keeps getting better, and
better.
If you ever get the urge to write, I would love to hear more about how this
has transformed your life too.
Much love,
Laur (The Crazy Housewife)
-----Original Message-----
From: Pepper J. Baxter [mailto:"pjdaveybaxterATnospamnctimes.net"ATnospamnctimes.net]
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2001 12:55 AM
To: .com; K-list
Subject: Re: [K-list] "Ravings of a Mad Housewife"
Hi, This experience is sort of like the first time a big one happened to me.
I was married to a rancher some years ago when it happened. I had dreams of
being a small, dark haired, boy child in Egypt. The paternal grandmother in
this lifetime was the same as in Egypt. She was mother to a Phaero, my
father,(spelling is not right for Phaero) and she is a priestess. She is
old.
There is a more modern type outfit that hasn't the "light" my family has who
is trying to take over the city and kill my father. They want to capture my
grandmother as captive, and use her energies for their benefit. She is
hiding
in a secret room. The walls are very thick and there is a square window
without any curtains etc. to keep out the wind, and insects though I saw
none. (I assume) There is a bed with thin as gossamer cloth that hangs down
all around the bed. A tiny table sits at the side near the foot of the bed
and on the table is a small beautifully carved bowl with a lid encrusted
with
pretty stones. In it is poison. My grandmother cannot take it by her own
hand, and has ordered me to take on the responsibility as my father's son
should by right. I do as I am told. I do not see her die in my dream but she
does die. Before her death she has trained me to take over embalming duties
with the slaves. She makes me promise to bury her mummy somewhere in the
valley of the Kings but not in a tomb. I am to go way far away, and dig a
hole so deep in the desert sand that her body can never be found. I wasn't
shown what happened to the slaves that helped. I dutifully did all that was
required. It didn't occur to me to tell my dream to my husband, though it
was
so real.
Then in waking life, the banks of the river that lay about 2 miles from the
ranch overflowed and came within a mile of us. The man who lived north of us
had to row a boat to his barn to milk the cows. That night I saw my
Grandmother in a dream. She was terribly angry at me. I think it was around
the time that the Valley of the Kings was rerouted also, unless it was at
the
second experience a few yrs later on when this same thing cropped out again.
Anyway, I felt petrified and became terribly paranoid.
Then the next day later I came out of the house into the back yard and saw
that it had rained. The path to the barn was under water and there was the
mummy of my grandmother laying half unraveled, arms crossed over her chest,
red rimmed, accusing , angry, eyes staring up at me from under the water.
She
said her grave had been washed to the surface of the ground and that I had
not kept my promise. I think she wanted to use that Egyption body's energy
force to draw from if needed in other lifetimes. (I know that sounds wierd)
I
actually saw this in the physical, and was awake. (still in awakening life)
I
ran into the house and tried to get my husband to go out the front door so
he
wouldn't see my grandmother lying there under the water and find out that I
had killed her, and that here in this time, and country I could get the gas
chamber for murder. I'd be driving or walking down the street after that and
hear a police siren and head somewhere to hide. Talk about hidden hysteria.
I
became very adapt at hiding all this, and lived in terror innerly but
outwardly I remained very calm and normal acting. No one ever found out to
this day. It caused other things to transpire also and we ended up
divorcing.
My husband had no idea why I wanted to leave. He loved me very much as I
look
back on it but I didn't believe it at the time. I had felt the need to
escape, and breath freedom. I did and said things in my craziness to hurt
him
because I wanted him to hate me so he would be glad to let me go. Why I
don't
know! I was living with one foot in each world and trying to balance my
life.
I lived in so much fear, and my mind could make no sense of it all.
When K. hits off and on now the old paranoia raises up again and I interpret
things all wrong again. I have learned to think for a few days before I
accuse anyone of lying, thieving, cheating me etc. Then K. leaves and I am
once more ...more sane than not for awhile. PS The boy that was me in Egypt
was so adult in so many ways for being only about 4 or 5 yrs old. There were
other chain link dreams, and daytime episodes and still I kept them all
hidden and in control. I have no idea how. One part of me thinks it was
easy!
I also lived in another state a few yrs later, and another river 2 miles
away
overflowed, and K arose and wrecked havoc all over again in Egyption. (talk
about coinsidence) And, that time I was not married but had been going with
someone for some time. I just kept it to myself and got through it much
easier that time. For some reason I think it is only my business if the
people haven't experienced these things. Probably I worry that people will
think I am crazy. PJB
.com wrote:
> Hi,
> I had a spontaneous "Kundalini awakening" three years ago that I am
> still coming to understand. I was 36 yrs old at the time, healthy
> and leading a stable life. I had not been using drugs nor was I
> engaged in meditation or other spiritual practices although I had
> been reading some books on ancient mythology.
>
> It began with recurring dreams - some wonderful but others
> terrifying. The first recurring dream was of finding arrowheads or
> other Indian artifacts - treasure. I started to pay more serious
> attention after I found a perfect arrowhead just 2 feet off my porch
> one day-just like in the dream! I felt led, dragged and sometimes
> pushed by a force akin to my own intuition. The experience grew
> steadily in intensity over a 3 month period and culminated with 7
> days where the dreams became even more intense and I had odd bodily
> sensations - light & tingly feeling, zero fatigue or need for sleep,
> little appetite and a strange tight feeling in my head. My mind was
> flooded with realizations of both a personal and also global nature.
> I felt compelled to write about it incessantly in a journal that I
> call "ravings of a mad housewife" throughout the experience. My
> emotions ranged from intense feelings of love to absolute terror. I
> awoke from one of one powerful dream with the sensation of choking to
> death - I was dreaming of a snake coming up and out of my throat!
>
> Even though I had the weird sensation of being disconnected from my
> body and my life, I managed to continue with my regular routine as
> the full-time sort of "middle-aged soccer-mom" of 3 young sons
> throughout. My husband was fairly tolerant, but naturally quite
> relieved when it was over and I seemed to return to the "old me". I
> finally consciously rejected the experience as it threatened to
> overturn a life that I have chosen and committed to (under the
> guidance of this same spirit), and also because it was just getting
> to be too wild of a ride. To stay with the experience would mean I
> would have had to walk away from my life and live in a monastery or
> something - an option that feels totally wrong to me. I believe my
> best path is to slowly but gradually integrate this new awareness of
> reality into my life and bring it to the lives of those around me.
>
> In hindsight, I believe the scary stuff was caused by two factors:
> 1. My resistance - it was necessary to shake me loose from my old
> ideas about reality.
> 2. My encounter with my own ego - personified in my dreams by a
> ferocious black bull that stood in the way of path of spiritual
> discovery.
>
> But, I think the worst part of the experience was that I had
> absolutely no frame of reference for what was happening and no one to
> talk to about it that might have understood. I had never accepted
> traditional Christianity or any other religion but in hindsight have
> always been a seeker of the truth. I was unprepared for what I
> encountered - sort of like having a baby all alone without even clue
> as to what was happening!
>
> My journey continues as serendipity continues to work overtime, but
> in a gentler way - perhaps because I am learning to be more
> cooperative. I have just recently been lead to this "Kundalini"
> thing. A book sort of "jumped off the shelf" recently
> called "Kundalini for beginners" by Ravindra Kumar. I read it cover-
> to-cover TWICE - finding more in it that corresponded to my own
> personal beliefs and experience than I have ever encountered before.
> Since then, I thought, "well maybe I should check out this Yoga
> thing" since I have tried meditation and sort of stink at it. Then,
> the other night, sick with a cold and unable to sleep I turned on the
> TV (which I rarely do) and lo and behold a show called "Kundalini
> Yoga" - it was 3:01 a.m. and the show had just started! And then,
> here I am at this website...
>
> While I do sense that I was meant to undergo this experience in
> isolation I also have a strong sense that it doesn't have to be this
> way for everyone and perhaps I/we can make a difference toward that
> somehow.
>
> I welcome your input and am interested to know more about all of you
> out there.
>
> Love & Light,
>
> Laur
>
>
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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