To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/04/22 07:49
Subject: Re: [K-list] "Ravings of a Mad Housewife"
From: Jonathan
On 2001/04/22 07:49, Jonathan posted thus to the K-list:
Laurel and All.
I connect very strongly with the synchronicty of
finding the arrow head near your porch. Synchronicty
has become so thick in my life lately, time seems like
a piece of paper folded in such a way that it touches
itself everywhere! I have begun to believe that all my
life has been mapped out and I am moving down/up a
path which surely is one of greater awareness, yet
often the realizations are very painful. I shed whole
systems of thought, often because the sheer
strangeness of my life rubs off the "old skins" as
would sand paper. My folded time is sand paper and it
rubs out only itself, yet here I am, bleeding and
laughing and not knowing whether the tears on my face
are from misery or joy.
In the end, I see myself as the source of what
manifests as painful experience as I can attest to
having had all my "worldy" dreams realized, only to
discover how silly I have been to desire such things.
Never-the-less- ouch!
Yes, I believe that the lonliness has been an
integral part of the process of becoming whatever it
is I shall be. It seems that having had a nature which
others find giving they have needed me to stay the
same. They feared that the changes would take me away
from them. This became true, not because I desired it
but because I had to go my own way as they insisted I
stay as I was. For me, becoming has always been more
valuable than just being.
As a rule, I believe that as long as we allow other
people to orient themselves by using us as their
"markers", they have a vested interest in keeping us
where we are, or in going with us even when where we
are going is not their own path. Having "light" means
people need you to see where they are, and this can be
at cross purposes with one's own need to challenge the
darkness at the borders of one's mind. I am lonely,
but I would not exchange my lonliness for stagnating
relationships with people who could not bless my
development as I yearned to bless theirs.
Much love and best wishes.
jonathan
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