To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/04/21 09:03
Subject: [K-list] I make my entrance...
From: J. Robbins
On 2001/04/21 09:03, J. Robbins posted thus to the K-list:
Hello One and All, (pun intended)
Today I found this collection of soul, here in cyber space and am
delighted as I live very disengaged from others of similar mind as I.
Reading past posts I feel a bit shy for there is much wisdom and
experience here and I have seldom exposed my self to others, not
having seen demonstrations of insight that awkened in me a trust in
such as they had to offer. Very soon after reading some archives
though, I began to feel at home here and hope my aquaintance with
your selves grows and becomes a home I have always longed for. My
path up until this moment has been characterized by lonliness, this
providing the enertia of most of my experiences. I have been
intensely involved with people, but all such involvements have
eventually dissolved with me moving on to the next chapter of my
life, leaving behind people with whom I no longer found a common
language. Searching for love, I found it and lost it, and learned
about it for I always chose wisdom over all and so am left without
love and a singular wisdom which speaks of nothing but my ignorance
of love. This paradox is my life in a nutshell.
As for the k. , never quite knowing what that is, not being
involved with people who sought such things or used such
terminology,here is an experience I had just under seven years ago,
at the age of 38.
I was walking down a city street, Tel-Aviv, smoking a joint. Not
unusual in itself. I was pondering a question which was on my mind,
which had to do with what we call The Laws Of Nature, actually being
Laws of Mental grammar because what they basically do is preserve and
create the coherence of our experience. Thinking this, I saw the
universe as a manifestation of language, physical laws as the grammar,
mass being the "words". Every thing is an orchestration of coherent
sequence, creating infinite numbers of unfolding "story", or karma,
if you like. Suddenly, everything around me dissolved into patterns
of flowing and pulsating sparks, nothing was solid any more. I had
the impression that all around became a projection of photons on the
screen of my soul, and that the projector was just beyond the borders
of my own mind. The flow of the sparks was dictated by an apparency
of cause and effect, but this in reality was a Divine decision to
preserve sequences of significance. I could see through things, as if
all was made of nothing more than fleeting incandescence.I began to
feel an intense tingling sensation throuout my body, and began to
experience a senstitivity to color that caused a breathtaking shift
in my perception of the evening sky. Things became so beautiful I
literally thought it might kill me. This continued and grew stronger
as I approached the beach. Growing near, I had the impression that I
could see things that were a great distance from my body by willing
myself to see them as if I was close up to them. I saw a couple
making love on a beach chair at a distance of some several hundred
yards as if I was peeking over their shoulders. Not believing what I
saw, I walked towards them until I was close enough to see with my
physical eyes what my soul's eyes had seen before. At this point, I
felt as if all the energy suddenly drained out of my body, I fell
onto the sand and prepared myself to die, praying that for my
children's sake I be granted yet some more time. I lay for hours
unable to move, and every time I opened my eyes the pure beauty of
what I saw was beyond my ability to experience, I had to close my
eyes again and again. I began to love the idea of ugliness as a
shield from deadly aesthetics which our nervous systems cannot
sustain. After a few hours I regained a semi-normal sense of self. My
body continued to tingle with pleasure for months after this. I had
an avalanche of new ideas about the world. I extricated myself from
an impossible personal situation within a short time. In addition to
this, I gained an ability to cause anyone else great physical
pleasure by putting my hands on them. I instinctively knew where to
touch women so as to create in them sensations that made them very
receptive to my sexual advances. I was definitely a different being
after this, and since then have had many more unworldy experiences
which lead to my present predicament and additional transformation...
All my adult life I have worked as a proffesional listener and
teacher of communication skills, but never been part of a spiritual
community, always feeling repelled by any one who presented themself
as being "enlightened". Just the way its been. Comments,
explanations, any response very welcome from
all.......Jonathan
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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