To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/30 07:31
Subject: [K-list] May I ask?("Fuck off, I know what I'm talking about)
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2001/03/30 07:31, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
>From: NoriSlaterATnospamaol.com
>Date: Thu Mar 29, 2001 3:28pm
>Subject: Re: [K-list] May I ask?("Fuck off, I know what I'm talking about)
>
>In a message dated 3/29/01 10:09:40 AM Eastern Standard Time,
>serpentATnospamfire-serpent.com writes:
>
> > My choice not to forget about the Light under the ground, had many, many
> > side effects besides making me "different." Side effects I could never
> > understand or comprehend until after I became a Shaman, in 1993.
> >
>
>Your biography title is attention grabbing...well done.
Heh heh heh. Yes, it is. It was a gift from a friend.
> Thank you for sharing your writing, I have read it twice. The Light thing
>is interesting and a common thread in my childhood; though I have no
>conscious memory of it except in things I wrote in my early teens. I knew I
>was Light, I just knew it.
> So I find your thoughts/memories/experiences interesting and curious.
>May I ask how you relate this to Kundalini? Forgive me for such simple
>questions but I am in search of clarity--clarity that others, like yourself
>and list memebers know. I love asking, I ask of myself and the answers
>always come:)
As children, small children we know that we are perfect.. then along
comes toilet training and the terrible twos, and we start to think maybe we
are not perfect, and we start to shut down the flow of Divine energy,
thinking we are not worthy of it. We learn that we have to act differently
than we feel, to get the love we need. We start to forget where we came
from, and what we really are. This is the beginning of the growth of the
ego, and the ego is the separation that shuts us off from our own
Divinity. Kundalini erodes the ego, so that we remember again. so that we
re-unify with our own Divinity.
That is what Kundalini does.. it brings up all of the emotional baggage
of Karma that creates the ego-separation, to be forgiven and released.
> You seem to have incredible rational skills as a young child.. Do you
>recall "thinking" those thoughts back then?
Yes, vividly. They were more emotional than as clearly communicated in
words as I describe them, but the essence is the same. Through the process
of K., I also regained a lot of forgotten memories.. some of them going
back to before my birth. What I do not remember so well, of the "plantpot
incident", was the still small voice of Goddess telling me that my
decisions might be un-necessary, and make things hard. I did not recognise
then, that the still small voice was coming from the light I remembered. I
was doing what so many Kundalites do, trying to recreate past experiences
of bliss instead of realizing that without resistance, they will come back
in new forms.
> How did becoming a Shaman change your experience within yourself?
Well, explaining all of that would be writing half the book, in an
email. I will try to encapsulate.
Becoming a Shaman is how I found the light under the ground, again.
How I found my way home. It, and the education I got by exploring
Kundalini, helped me to put many of my experiences into perspective.
As a very small child, I had a light on in my head, I used to watch
the glow of it as a game, to fall asleep. If I could keep my thoughts calm,
the golden glow was pleasantly smooth and even, in a way that felt nice. A
stressful thought would cause it to shatter with black cracks like
lightning, fragment and disappear. The game was to control my thoughts to
make it smooth, and keep it smooth. Later, the golden light changed into
constantly moving op-art patterns that reminded me of fireworks exploding.
Fun to watch. I'd lie in bed and night and watch the fireworks show, to
fall asleep.
As a preschool child, I had a series of vivid nightmares of a great
shadow being I called the Killer Nun.. the nightmares would not stop when I
woke up.. everything I looked at, reflected my fear back at me. Even if I
looked at a blank wall, the tiny colored dots in the wall would form into
skulls and monsters. Night terrors.
If I had any fear in facing this giant shadow being, it would destroy
me.. I was killed over and over again, for years, in my sleep and would
wake to a reality that was just as terrifying. Finally I learned to
approach the shadow with unconditional love, to keep from being
destroyed... and at that point the dreams became worse.. because I *became*
the Killer monster, unable to stop myself from destroying any who smelled
of fear.. and having no voice to warn those I destroyed, that they would be
safe so long as they were not afraid.
At that point I was old enough to have learned to say my prayers at
night.. I prayed for "no bad dreams" until the dreams stopped.
Reading the K-list one day, someone wrote to complain that their third
eye had opened, and the light in their head was keeping them awake. I was
thunderstruck.. I did not know that having a light on in my head was not
"normal".. I'd always wondered about expressions like "the darkness in mens
minds", they made no sense to me because my mind was not dark.. I had a
light on in there. I chose not to forget the Light that was my Mother, so
my third eye never closed.
Becoming a shaman seemed kind of accidental to me, but it was destiny.
That story is here:
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/chac.htm
Studying Shamanism, via training from Spirit and books was guided to
read, I came to understand that the op-art fireworks patterns I was seeing
as a small child, are the phosphene images that show up in Shamanic art,
like the concentric dot covered animals in Australian and south American
aboriginal art. They are the portal to the Dreamtime. I discovered that my
"Killer Nun", fit the descriptions I was reading of the "Portal Guardian of
the Dream-time".. the guardian who keeps us from wandering in the dream
world of the collective consciousness and astral worlds, before we are
ready. I was amazed to discover that I had been coping with a being, as a
small child that has been known to shatter the sanity of adults.
So, quite unaware of what I was doing, I went through a process of
learning grounding by meditating on my third eye, which led to going
through the tunnel to the dream worlds, and meeting the Guardian.
I also realized that my prayers for "no bad dreams" had interrupted
the process of Shamanic initiation.. Had I been able to stick with it, the
phase of becoming the destroyer would have given way, to the Guardian being
a tour guide to endless blissful worlds of the Astral dimensions. I think
it did, a few times.. but the memories of that beauty are faint, and I did
not know exactly what I did, to get to that level. It took me years to
learn to love the guardian, it would probably have taken years more to
learn to reliably get past the destroyer, and I'd had all I could take..
especially since I had no support in my process.
My parents got tired of being woken every night by me having what they
told me was "just a bad dream", so I learned to suffer through it alone.
The result of the prayer- interruption was that in a way, I got stuck
at that level, of being a reflection of fear. That is part of the reason I
had such a hard time with not fitting in, as a child.. People attacked me
because they were afraid of me, and neither of us knew why, so we made up
reasons.
After I graduated High School, I was at a party with one of my former
tormentors, he was slightly drunk, and trying to pick me up. I asked him
why he had treated me so badly when we were younger. To my disappointment,
he did not know. He said he had often wondered about it, himself, his
treatment of me had haunted him with guilt because there was no reason for
it. I was quiet and, in his words "a nice girl".
Becoming a Shaman jump-started the process that had been shut down by
my childhood prayers.
Not every awakened person becomes a Shaman, but as a Shaman, I have a
window into the process of awakening.. and they are not unrelated. All
religious and spiritual paths are somewhat similar to each other.. all
spring from the same source.
> You speak of ego, is ego the mind that chooses or refuses? Seeking
>understanding of the words so I get your full meaning here:)
First, there are many definitions of ego. On this list, we use it as
a term to define the limited, separated consciousness (conception of self)
that is shaped of the emotional baggage of opinions, limiting beliefs,
attachment, memories that are unforgiven, cultural programming. Ego
experiences the illusion of free will.
In my Fire Serpent Tantra course www.fire-serpent.com I describe ego
thusly:
<<<<First, I want to talk about "mind". Now by "mind", I'm referring to the
ego-mind, your personality, the place where you live, who you think you
are. If you ask most people who they think they are, they'll tell you their
height, and their weight, and if they're married or single, or if they have
children, and what kind of job they work, and if they like ice cream, and
what their hobbies are. They'll give you a list of statistics about
themselves, that they use to associate with "who am I?".
Now the difference between an average person and a mystic, is the
difference in how they answer the question "who are you?", because the
mystic won't answer it with all these statistics. The answer to that
question will be, "I am all that is... I am All that Is, I am that I am".
Right? Because what we really are is Infinite Spirit that can't be
pigeon-holed into all these statistics. But coming to that place of
discovery, of knowing that, of feeling it experientially, takes a little
bit of time. It takes breaking down the illusions of separation that are a
fundamental aspect of the ego.
Now by the "ego" I'm talking about, as I say, who you think you are. But
this also includes your limiting beliefs, your fears, your opinions, your
positive beliefs, your personality. Everything about who you think you are,
is the concept of your ego. And it's these fears and limiting beliefs that
give you the experience of being separate from Divinity. Fear is the
separation.
So that's what I mean when I refer to "mind" or "ego".
Now the content of all of these fears, of all of the emotional baggage, of
unresolved events from this lifetime and other lifetimes across All that
Is, is what I refer to as "karma". There are many different ideas about
karma, but I want you to just hold onto the idea of it as emotional baggage
for the time being. Emotional baggage that makes you run and rerun the same
story again and again and again, repeating patterns that we tend to
sometimes get stuck in and not be able to find a way out of. That's "ego",
"ego" is separate. >>>
The ego is the limited conscious mind. It experiences separation from
Sprit, from All that is. The unconscious mind, the body-mind does not
experience separation. It is connected to the collective consciousness,
which is connected to the cosmic consciousness of Spirit. The body knows
that it is made to be a vessel of Spirit.. the ego does not... not until
after its separation boundaries have been fragmented and merged into the
unconscious.. the process of Enlightenment.
> How does ego play in your life and experience now?
Depends on the day. I have spent some time in Buddhahood, but the lack
of passion and motivation bored me so I came back into duality. In duality,
I get a lot of wayward empathy.. I am a magnet for other folks karma, and I
use this deliberately as an empathic healer. If I am "carrying" a lot of
Karma I grow a new ego around it and start to become reactive, fearful and
judgmental. Usually I notice when this occurs, and retreat for a while to
clear the junk so I can come back into balance of seeing perfection in what Is.
When I am clear, ego is simply a mechanism, a lens of perception that
allows me to function in time-space based linearity.. it does not judge or
fear. When the lens get clouded my perceptions become limited and judgmental.
> I relate to the conspiracy to "not know," "do not remember" do not
>think---I really resented that for a while.
It seems to be related to the times. The planetary vibration is
increasing, so there are more and more people who do not grow the solid
wall of separation that defines the reality of the "sleeper." At least,
that is my perception. As a teacher, you might be interested in a book
called "Indigo children" that defines the evolutionary leap that seems to
be manifest in the younger generations.
> Transgressing into understanding
>and opening more to who I really am, the anger that I had for religion,
>family doctrine and societal control is eased.
Yes.. I understand what you mean.. being a child who knows of the
Light under the ground, born into a Roman Catholic family with it's dogma
of Hell below and Heaven above, was a good reason to keep my mouth shut
about what I intuitively knew to be true.
> I am well aware of the
>bondage that your words, that conjure memories of my bondage, brings. I am
>here for I am liberating from all that.
The process of Kundalini. : )
>I am evolving by choice. I am raising my energy higher and was simply drawn
>to this list...
It is a part of the higher purpose of this list, that those who desire
to better understand their process, and find their "true kin", are drawn
here through the mechanism of synchronicity. Welcome.
>Thank you for indulging me in the asking of questions to see if this list is
>my list too :)
>
>Warmly
>Nori
I feel that you belong, but it is for you to decide. Thank you for
asking interesting questions.. you are helping this list to get "back on
track" after a recent bout of odd experiments and Equinox-fired chaos.
Welcome and Blessings...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shaman, Psychic, Empath, Healer www.fire-serpent.org/healing/
Fire Serpent Tantra www.fire-serpent.com
Kundalini Gateway www.Kundalini-gateway.org
Personal website www.domin8rex.com
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