To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/22 23:12
Subject: [K-list] Forgiveness is just a hollow label .. Hillary
From: Fiona Tulk
On 2001/03/22 23:12, Fiona Tulk posted thus to the K-list:
At 05:18 AM 23/03/01, you wrote:
>Regarding your mother, Fiona, (and I've been in your shoes) I hope she will
>take some anti depressants. When someone insists on suicide it's often due
>to severe depression (even though it doesn't appear as such). You might also
>try talking to her about her youth--what the happiest times of her life were.
> (without mentioning DNA LOL!) She just *might* be trying to get your
>attention. It would be nice for you if you forgave her (and perhaps visa
>versa) before she died.
>
>Love, Hillary
According to my mother she had a very happy childhood ..
she was the only child born to my Nanna .. that survived ..
and was adored by the many aunts and uncles around her.
They lived in a large house with a rambling garden out the back.
A magical garden filled with winding paths and beautiful
plants and flowers which I too as a child remember well.
You could see the lights dancing..
In her words .. she used to talk to her 'angels' in the garden ..
to keep herself company.
She was very a psychic and very sensitive child ..
I could see it in her eyes and the energy around her
from one of those studio photos they did in those days.
She vividly remembers when Nanna was pregnant with her brother ..
but he was stillborn.
He was baptised Patrick, given last rites and buried.
In those days there was no chance for family to see the dead baby
so she never saw her brother.
Mum had badly wanted a brother and Nanna dearly wanted a boy ..
as she came from a family of five girls.
Her closest imaginary friend took on the identity
of the spirit of her dead baby brother.
In her innocence,
she thought everyone talked to 'angels' in their gardens.
It is a vivid memory of hers
that she told Nanna that she had been talking to Patrick
and she was punished for speaking 'ill of the dead'
and made to feel that she had done something evil.
Her garden was no longer a sanctuary for her.
She no longer had her 'angels' to talk to ...
for there was more than one baby buried in that garden ..
After that she got diphtheria and was very sick and ended up
isolated in a hospital for infectious diseases
In those days many people died from it.
Her whole life was then devoted to doing good works for the Church.
When I wrote about My mother's Birthday
(which was almost a week ago now )
I was expressing the feelings that came up in me.
Feelings that were triggered in me by her own
emotional response to her birthday.
The energy behind what I wrote is the energy that was in my body
and the feelings triggered when she told me she wants to die.
In writing the words .. I honoured my own feelings and in doing so,
gave her the space to honour hers.
It was an opportunity look at a very deep genetic fear
of losing my mother
and the reflection of my own death.
I know that the process of clearing that vibration from my body
was a gift as it was written with the assistance of the full energy
of her birthday ...
and my body's kinesthetic response of muscle spasms in my
womb for the next three days told me that a deep clearing
had taken place on a very physical level.
Forgiveness is just a hollow label ..
as I know, and understand that she has always done
the very best she could
given her upbringing and circumstances.
Therefore, there is no one to blame ..
and no-one to forgive ..
All I can .. and will do ..
is honour her integrity and her choices.
and these memories, once unconscious to me
are no longer held in cysts, tumours and endometriosis
in my body.
this was confirmed by my gynecologist
Fiona
P.S. a favourite saying of my mothers has always been:
"its all in the genes"
and she knows nothing about the science of DNA!!
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