To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/17 16:49
Subject: Forgiveness [K-list] Re: Fiona's Mother - Jose...and list
From: Divine Goddess
On 2001/03/17 16:49, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Norma,
Since you wrote to the list I feel it is ok to respond.
>
> Yes, Jose...I understand...and that is exactly what I was referring
to..It is > that which anunda shares.....That our thought patterns
come from the genetic > codes passed down to us...But with the
courage and desire to move inward into > that memory bank...the
control can be realized.....freeing the lifeforce to > move beyond
the limitations of thoughts based on the past, and into the
> consciousness of the Universal Mind...where energy is no longer
filtered into > feelings by the brain...but instead moves into
oneness with itself...
There truly is nothing new under the sun, just repackaging.
Although I am not a therapist professionally in real life sometimes I
feel like I play one. And I have observed alot now in the passing
years. Gee, it's great to get old because with age brings the dawning
of wisdom. Things become more simple, life is less about concerning
the ins and outs of the working of my subconcious, unconscious, inner
child, DNA heritage,etc. and more about living life day to day being
happy. Now, I just did not show up at this point miraculously. I
asked and did a lot of the same things you are doing and asking. One
of my favorite activites was mental masturbation, worrying, worrying
and more worrying.Doing a lot of stroking but no pleasure to show for
it. But, there is an end to it, one day...thank God...if you want it
to be so.
I am getting my certification in hypnotherapy these days. I am
reactivating my Registered Nurse licensure and
becoming ...surprise...a therapist...well really, a professional
counselor...can't legally be called a therapist most anywhere in the
US without a Master's Degree. I don't have a Masters and have no
desire to get one.
I am wondering why that is...why I want to be a counselor when I
always am so pissed off when people start whining their 'poor
me', 'nobody really understands how bad it truly is' victim song at
me. I have always wanted to smack them up the side of the head (NOT
dutch slang for a kiss), and shake them and say "jeez, getta grip,
why are you giving such power to a memory?" It was so obvious to me
what was happening because it happened to me.
It's probably because I was soooo angry for letting myself be
victimized for so many years and I knew how easy it would be to leave
that cage if I would just listen to what others were telling me. And
please don't think I am trivializing sufferring here. It is all so
real when we are in the grips of reliving a memory...but it is just a
memory, regardless of all the psychochemical responses that are
happening in our body at the time. That's how really stupid, or
naive, or childish the minds are....it can't tell the difference
between what is real and is imaginary. If the mind could, we would
never go see a movie, read a thrilling book...daydream...
(this seems to be a great advertisement for the Mindless/Witness
state but is that really practical in a world filled with human
beings?)
Now, when I see posts like Fiona's I just get quizzical and wonder
and wonder. I don't want to smack them up the side of the head. Wow,
could it be cause I am not angry at myself anymore for allowing
people to victimize me? It could happen. I could be learning to be
gentle with others cause I am learning to be gentle with myself.That
is why when I initially wrote Fiona I stressed forgiveness. Not
forgiveness of her abusers but *forgiveness of her self* for making
the choices it did which lead to so much years of sufferring.
People may ask, well how can you forgive yourself, how can one do
that? It is a simple process but I am not saying it is easy.
The simplest way is to stand in front of the mirror and really look
at yourself, look deep into your own eyes until you feel the
connection between you and your self. It'll happen if you gaze into
your eyes long enough. Can you even look into your self's eyes? I
couldn't for a long time. Then say to your self, "Susan, I forgive
you for hating your mother. Susan, I forgive you for blaming yourself
that you could have made things better if you only tried harder.
Susan, I forgive you for destroying your life and not being happy."
etc. The longer you stare and keep saying, "Susan I forgive you
for______________" eventually the conscious mind becomes disengaged
and the wounded inner child (the subconscious) begins to speak. What
often comes out does not make sense. It may be twisted, upside down,
backwards but isn't that often times how a child perceives things?
But it is important that wounded part of yourself speaks, it doesn't
have to make sense to the conscious only to the subconscious. (BTW,
if your name is not Susan, just use your own name. :D)
I would recommend doing this process often. It will be really hard at
first...you may only get a few sentences out but with practice it
does become easier.
When I met my first authentic empath about ten years ago, he and I
were sitting together for lunch in Dallas, Texas. I asked him, how
can you help people heal themselves like you do? How do you know what
they are feeling so accurately (it was scary he was so accurate)? He
replied I had to remove all my own emotional blocks first, my own
shadows. The man is one big ear. He hears all the unspoken words and
thoughts of his clients. I know this because we had sessions
together. He taught me about looking in the mirror (mirror on the
wall). He said we use people for mirrors but I found looking into the
mirror over my sink can be much more powerful than looking into
people mirrors. It was way more messier looking into people mirrors
than just looking into the eyes of my self. Looking into my own eyes
is so much cleaner.
When I remove my own emotional blocks, the k life force runs like a
crystal clear blue stream through my body. Maybe I am turning into an
ear.
I am having some epiphanies about being an authority. In my
hypnotherapy classes there is a man who is 35. I am 43. He is
absolutely floored and awed by me and what he perceives as my
experience and wisdom.
He actually becomes submissive in this silent adoration when he talks
to me. Before I would say, "hey bud, get out of town, be real
phfffffft," but maybe it is time for me to pay attention to the
way people are responding to me. Maybe the Universe, God/dess, Spirit
is telling me, "Hey get a clue, you big dope. Because of the life
you have lived, you have a lot to offer."
I have no fantasies about this and what this means. I have lived a
life and I am finally in that place where I am clean and clear enough
that I can start to give back fully and with gusto. I have
discovered, if I live long enough, just persist in cleaning up my own
act and not interfering in the lives of others, I can actually start
to have a positive impact on other people's lives.
It is so odd when I read Christopher and Fiona's stuff. I get
this feeling of being in a cathedral, empty and joyless, the weight
of thousands of years of priestly control telling me I must suffer
before I can be saved.
The excitement is in the righteous sufferring. It is an echo like,
cavernous sensation tunneling back thru the corridors of time. Funny
how I only get that feeling when I read their stuff. I used to just
delete a lot of their posts cause they felt so dark and gothic, very
medieval Catholic, professional sufferring as fashion trend.
Now I just feel very sad cause sufferring is so unnecessary. I
didn't have to suffer all those years. Change can come about in
an instant but I wouldn't listen. I didn't know how to. People
don't have to get into their 40s to experience happiness. I can
show them how to circumvent and transcend all that strum and drang.
I am not downplaying Fiona and Christopher's impact for good on
many people's lives. We are drawn by resonance to people who help
us and they exhibit the same wounds that we do, but it is much more
subtle although the wounds may remain as enormous as ever. This is
the notorious ATnospamblind spot' that therapists have about their
own problems.
It is kind of a tragic comedy. I go to a therapist to help me with a
problem that they think they have surrmounted and yet, there it
is...a big piece of wood stuck in their eye so how can they help me
take the splinter out of my own? Ethically, I must keep looking for
the splinters in my own eyes so to be effective as possible.
There comes a time when we grow out of dependence on the outer
helper, professional or non-professional.
We may run through a series of leaders and professional helpers until
one day we have discovered our own Inner Therapist or Guru. Isn't
that the goal...to find our own Inner Authority some day?
Boy, am I long winded and self indulgent today. LOL
>
> I would like to add another comment here to this list....As I've
said > before....Spirituality should never be bartered........I am
merely sharing > with you the path I have taken...the path which has
been within the sharings > of the anunda list...with Christopher and
Fiona...
>
> There seems to be a misunderstanding here as to what moving inward
is and > what it means...For me, it has meant...understanding the
codes that have > ruled my body and mind...Those which were passed
down to me through my ancestry....
It's funny how the human mind sometimes can only focus on the
sufferring that was handed down from the ancestors. My bitterness
prevented me from seeing the wonders that I also received from my
ancestors. Can you find just one good thing that comes down to you
that you can be grateful for? Even in the most desparate situations
they are gifts and shimmers of light...I found some. The DNA paradigm
does not exclude the wonders that are past down from the ancestors,
we do. We do not look for beauty.
DNA coding is just another term for for explaining why we do the
things we do...why do we continually create the things we don't want
in life, like fear. In ten years, we will have a new buzzword to
explain why people do things that hurt themselves and others.
But that is human nature, we must identify and have a cause explained
for why we are the way we are. Wanting to know who self is and why
self does what it does is the first step to understand and realizing
who we are. Just another step in a series of steps to freedom.
>
> Not once, while on the anunda list, have Christopher and Fiona
dictated > anything to me...or used any means of fear within their
sharing....On the > contrary, anunda has helped me to understand
where my fears have come > from....For me, freedom and joy could
never be felt until I realized what had > been controlling my
life....and from that has come forgiveness...the greatest
gift of the lifeforce within...
Forgiveness comes from your self and your self alone. No one can give
it to you except your self.
Just my opinion.
Believing you can forgive others really is a mind game to make us
feel better about ourselves. We can then congratulate ourselves how
wonderful life is and how holy we are and yet cannot understand why
we, me, keep stepping in shit. Where did that mind game originate
from...the church!!! LOL! What a mind fuck that game is. Keeps us
from looking at how really wonderful we are cause we just found how
comfortable that position is and remain in it. Just another one of my
opinions.
Forgiving ourselves changes belief patterns. If we follow
the DNA analogy. . . if we change our beliefs we change our
biological imperatives thought to arise from DNA and change DNA
itself.
It is difficult to see anything when we all have the same kind of
splinter in our eyes.
>
> As I read Mystress's emails this morning...I felt sorrow within, as
I could > feel the pain of the wounded healer within her..but then I
realized what a gift this has been for her...
Norma, it is very difficult for me not to make rude noises at this
point but I won't. Let's just say you are way out of the ball
park on this one. She has healed and transcended her wounds…at
least all the major ones. What makes her different is now her process
of healing herself is joyous and fun and has a sense of discovery
about it...rarely do I see her indulge in conceits of drama. I have
known her since about 1996 now. She has her hissy fits now and then
but don't we all. It has been a long time since I have seen her
feel
sorry for herself.When she has bad days it is just a bad day and the
next day is a brand new world to play in.
>To realize that........None of this is, or > should be about who is
right or who is wrong....What it should be about is > the sharing of
paths, and the ways there are for us, while within human > bodies, to
obtain peace, understanding and acceptance of all that surrounds
us....the kind that only comes from freedom of the past...
No one, in their expression of their true essence is right or wrong.
Some paths are more appropriate for others and some are not. We
follow, hopefully, what we think serves us best. All is perfection.
Freedom from the past is not the first and last step. Embracing and
giving thanks for our past is when real freedom begins.
> I have never felt as much joy as I do now...or as much freedom as I
do now > since having gone inward to unlock the codes and begin to
free the lifeforce > within. To have found that is a gift...a gift
that I wanted to share...
>
Norma
I am glad you have discovered this but there is are more steps to
take, more beauty to discover, more wonderous treasures that life
creates, like that wonderful, beautiful treasure called Norma.
With love,
Susan
www.susancarlson.net
Allegria Hypnotherapy
Creating collaborative, positive, and transformational change
locally and globally, with joyfulness.
DISCLAIMER!
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