To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/16 09:16
Subject: [K-list] Attn Fiona
From: S.G.
On 2001/03/16 09:16, S.G. posted thus to the K-list:
For Fiona et al
I have been following the debate w.r.t. Fionas mother and have some advice
to offer from a behavioural psychological approach. Before I continue I
should assert that you must honestly want your situation to change lest my
advice be another clay pigeon. Bear in mind that it is not uncommon for a
mistreated dog to [secretly] idolize its cruel owner because at least the
cruelty has become a routine and less painful than living with constant
uncertainty. So O.K. here goes:
It appears that among other things you mother is either unconscious or
unwilling to face her atypical behaviour. Its almost that she expects
someone to write the encyclopedia that is she, and for them to read it to
her on a regular basis. This means the victim of toxic love is forced to
carry the full volume around for her and remind her of her personality flaws
pro rata because she wont examine it herself in order to change. Despite her
melancholia your mother literally doesnt recognise that she has a problem.
Since any contact you have with your mother results in insult you must see
this in terms of illness or infection. You must see yourself as pregnant
with child and quarantine your mother as tho she has measles and tell her
that she only gets to see you when she has corrected her problem for
herself. Her isolation from you must be self-limiting and this will mean her
anger and tantrums will rise as she sees the clock ticking knowing that she
only has herself to blame. Eventually not having a puppet to srike out at
will become intolerable and she will be forced to face herself as the reason
for your absence. Note: she must not have any soul searching assistance
during this separation. It must all be her own work.
I had to do this with a loved one myself because pointing out her faults and
the solution to the problem went in one ear and out the other because to her
she was an unsung king and everyone else was obligated to come to her. I
realised she was one of those people who only learn by "doing" as opposed to
being shown, or reading about it. The early changes in her behaviour if any,
will be cosmetic and superficial. Dont worry about whether she gets it right
first time because if she hasnt made an effort a second quarantine treatment
will force her to face the fact that until she makes honest progress and
overcomes this behaviour any relapse will force her asylum from you.
This is a much coveted secret of behavioural therapy. Because the problem is
self-limiting, the problem-person is forced to become their own problem and
hence their own solution. For deeply egoistic persons this is often the only
way to help them.
Your part is not easy: you must resist at all costs any sophistry or
promises that she will change and after thoroughly explaining the system to
her, you must commence the first period of separation without delay. 2 weeks
is the minimum and you must stick to this religiously and that means no
telephone calls, letters or 3rd person messages. If she attempts to contact
you before this period expires with guarantees that she has changed, DO NOT
yield and have someone remind her that 2 weeks is the bare minimum. When
this period is up you must re-establish contact until the first lapse in her
behaviour occurs and repeat the process. This is a tough protocol but has a
shocking success rate.
I EXHORT YOU TO TRY THIS AT LEAST ONCE BEFORE DISMANTLING THE THEORY.
(Remember the map is not the territory)
In the nicesst possible sense: get down from your cross; we need to throw
more wood on the fire!
From the heart and the head
Simon
P.S. I suggest in the meantime you take a look at non-determinist
neuropsychological models of volition. Much of the new age empiricism you
use to defend the immutability of your theory has been revised in recent
years. Take a look at quantum theories of consciousness and heredity for a
no bullshit treatment of the imperative of free will. I really think you
should put the science to one side because your daemon seems to have
recruited it to prevent any changes being made. We all have perceptual blind
spots which is the raison d'etre for others being able to help us. If we
could all resolve our own problems by short-circuiting on our own problems
this would make others obselete and as you know genetically we are social
creatures. The mind has one foot in the quantum world of neuronal
microtubules and the other in the in subconscious volition [yes subconscious
volition; that which embraces rather than opposes Susan greenfields
presentation on the delay of consciousness]. Just because you are not aware
of your true will does not mean it has been decided for you!
-----Original Message-----
From: Fiona Tulk [mailto:lifestreamsATnospambigpond.com]
Sent: Friday, March 16, 2001 11:34 AM
To: K-list
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Fiona's Mother
At 06:44 AM 16/03/01, you wrote:
>I agree with Cat and Susan.. victimhood is a choice. I have
>enjoyed this thread, tho.. interesting.
There was no choice in my family ..it is an encoded genetic program
and so far the encoding has destroyed two generations of females ..
and was heading for a third.
It is also one of the conclusions drawn by a number of the researchers
from the BBC Brain Story program that Chris was talking about
where they established clinical evidence to this fact.
>As for the power of prayers: A wise Witch taught me to make a pink
>heart shaped thought-bubble with "Jesus Loves You" written on it, and let
>it go like a helium balloon. All the prayer-projections will just follow it
>up, up and away.
Not in my family .. prayers have a homing beacon and they don't respond
to "Jesus loves you" because that equates to being a sacrifice.
Fiona
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