To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/08 07:54
Subject: [K-list] Questions on Witnessing and process....
From: SHELLY COLSTON
On 2001/03/08 07:54, SHELLY COLSTON posted thus to the K-list:
Hi All,
First..Mystress, thanks for forwarding my post! Duh,dee 'til I train the brain here to not hit reply to author!
I had a second release of full K about to weeks ago( second in 3 years of K awakened now),gee...here we go again!LOL.. and I find the witness state this time was very strong,probably my biggest area of work this time around? Also this time as K went up..I felt and saw it burn a much wider path up the spinal area this time then last..like now it moves up in a 4 '' wide upwards path? Is this common to notice with each full successive FULL release/blast???
Okay my question/story concerning the 'witness' state and process....I seem to swinging or moving from being in this state strongly...into something else now and was wondering if this is forward movement or am I just ego resisting yet? This flow ,a flow of moving from almost constantly in the witness state, is moving into realization I STILL Am having emotion again..but emotion is more subtle and feels clearer and lighter ?? LOL..I am not I suppose being hit over the head anymore with my own emotions?Also the wondering of well...where did I go, am I even bloody here anymore?Who am I anymore...what do I even' like' anymore for goodness sakes?? and so forth .. is passing as I realize...what this witness state has shown me, is I am MORE HERE then I have ever been( or do I just think I am??LOL)! I am thinking the witness state was teaching me what is 'authentic'..and true to my moment ..even as I know there is no unchanging I to be found here and I am becoming just okay with that..it is not so scary and no longer feels like a loss anymore?? For I am realizing as far as day goes....I am no longer being blown around like a leaf in the breeze by life events and other peoples emotional states?...so what it feels like now ..is I am more solid(LOL..yet wide open ,keeping 'K paradox' alive and well,go figure!) and the small daily results of this would be ..one example here..if I friend calls in crisis..I am not picking any of her stuff up and hanging up the phone to find my emotions have drifted close to hers...I mean I still have all 'the Girlfriend..He did What?, let's string him up??!' understanding.. ..I am still there for her,to listen and have compassion,toss around some lame advice tidbits and find some humor..LOL...but it also feels like I am no longer using MY Energy to do so?? What I mean here, is I am not getting entangled and yet I am still connecting in life and with life..but with divine flow instead?? ..I still can be here and participate in life 101..but with a calm now and what I feel is a deeper peaceful divine energy? Yes, this feels very strange yet!!..like I am missing out on passion and where did I go feelings..but I am not..I am just missing out I think on the draining past yuck muck part I think..I am just getting quiet perhaps? and losing the responses I would have that drained me before,because I would hook in my own energy? I don't know if this is making sense? So I am swinging from witness to find..emotion and feeling is still here!!..it just is starting to seem to me that it is truer and maybe more my true emotion. It is subtle and fine. This is not to say it is weak at all..in fact very much the opposite..it is beginning to feel empowered!..but it is so new and different to me yet!..in fact any emotion now is deeply found within a larger growing calm and peace and acceptance? Hey..Simply..I am not as apt to' Wig Out' now..and I think this is good? Those pasts..Highs and lows seem to be balancing into a nice steady flow behind any emotion I am feeling again as I feel I am m
Also..I realized when in the witness state..I began to touch upon this flow coming up right behind(sorry ,best way I can convey) ...come into awareness more and more ..as soon as I was accepting witnessing..it started to change..gotta love K!! GRIN! So..a feeling of gentle joy regarding being 'RIGHT HERE,RIGHT NOW"is what is emerging now..? Not the joy of those extreme bliss states..just this gentle joy and larger, yet simpler ,love feeling?
So...'emotion' is then Okay and perhaps impossible not to feel somewhat if one is still sucking earth air or am I just losing ground here and this maybe more resisting the process?
Any words of wisdom would be very welcome.
I also found this helps too...when I am struggling with 'surrender'(clue I am resisting... is a tinge of fear and that confusion starting)..I go outside and sit on the ground yoga style or lay flat out on trampoline..I then just tune in and become very aware of all the elements in balance..earth, wind, sun, water..etc...and soon I settle and accept!( right after a K release I can't deeply meditate or even do deeper reiki for awhile....I seem to need grounding/earthing instead ...but this too passes) Doing This has helped the ol' will center's ego struggle very much..and it is cheap and free and right out my back door!
Thanks in advance for any input concerning where I am 'AT' in process..and if I should just keep going in this vein or re-focus?
Still smoking here too,but much less..
Many Blessings!
Shelly
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