To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/02/24 06:11
Subject: [K-list] Intro
From: Leo .
On 2001/02/24 06:11, Leo . posted thus to the K-list:
Hi All,
I'm Jordan, from Louisiana, and just signed on to this list the other day.
From your insights/experiences, i'm hoping to gain an explanation of what
may or may not be happening in my life right now.
I guess the triggering forces of events in my life in the past few months
would be a good place to start. To make an extremely long story short, the
past six months have been the most stressful in my 23 years of life yet.
I've always had battles with depression and such, but this one situation I
have been in would have sent me up the river to the looney bin, without a
doubt. It would have, had I not found one book which started a chain
reaction that has led me to writing this now. The book was called Samurai
Zen, and introduced me to Zen Philosophy and meditation. This was a
life-saver to me, even though it still didn't answer all i needed. For the
most part, I've been able to detatch myself from that nightmare of a life in
the city and returned to my roots, so to speak.
Most of the things happening now have begun rather suddenly, in the past two
weeks. It started with a tremendous surge of creativity. I began writing.
Until now, I've always hated writing. I began to notice the more subtle but
beautiful part of life, in nature. But more than anything else, I started to
get the feeling that "something" is trying to get my attention.
From last weekend to this Saturday morning, I have learned what
synchronicity truly is. First I picked up a book at a friends house about
witches and witchcraft history, etc. I couldn't put it down; I love reading.
I stayed up all night reading it last saturday. Then I went online and
started reading everything I could, about everything, but mostly theology
and spiritual reading.
I was up for three days straight - un unquenchable thirst for knowledge, as
well as literal unquenchable thirst. I began to notice weird things
throughout my body, but paid little attention to them. What can you expect
from no sleep in three days, afterall.
One word buried among thousands of which i was reading, ultimately lead me
here to writing this. I had never seen it before, and the texts weren't
talking anything about it, but I stopped reading and immediately searched
for Kundalini on Altavista.
I've read enough in the past week now to know I haven't experienced the
rising of Kundalini. However, I am increasingly experiencing the following:
====================
*Muscle twitches, cramps or spasms.
YES - Very Often, sometimes continuous for hours.
*Energy rushes or immense electricity circulating the body.
I wouldn't describe it as "electricity," but definitely energy rushes.
*Itching - YES
vibrating - NO
prickling - YES
tingling - YES
stinging - YES
crawling sensations - Mild/Hardly noticable
*Intense heat or cold. - Intense cold at first onset of signs&symptoms last
weekend. Week later, always hot.
*Involuntary bodily movements:
jerking - YES, increasingly more often
tremors - NO
shaking - NO
feeling an inner force pushing one into postures or moving one's body in
unusual ways - YES
*Alterations in eating and sleeping patterns.
Always had sleeping/eating pattern disturbances, but even more so lately.
*Episodes of extreme hyperactivity or, conversely, overwhelming fatigue.
YES-Both. Usually feel urge to sleep after meditating and eating, also.
*Intensified or diminished sexual desires.
Always had extremely high libido. Diminished lately.
*Headaches, pressures within the skull.
Pressure within the skull most of the time/Increased during meditation.
*Racing heartbeat, pains in the chest.
YES NO
*Digestive system problems.
YES, terribly
*Numbness or pain in the limbs (particularly the left foot and leg)
At onset of signs&symptoms, left heel went numb for hours and feet were
ice cold. Left toes take turns going numb.
*Pains and blockages anywhere; often in the back and neck.
Sharp, sudden pains scattered throughout back and sides, with alternating
tingling/itching. Stiff neck.
*Emotional outbursts; rapid mood shifts; seemingly unprovoked or excessive
episodes of grief, fear, rage, depression.
Unprovoked rage at times. Starting to feel mild depression. All I want to
do is sleep now.
*Spontaneous vocalizations (including laughing and weeping) -- are as
unintentional and uncontrollable as hiccoughs.
Mild giggling, then emotion of weeping, then mild giggling again - mostly
after laying down.
*Hearing an inner sound or sounds, classically described as a flute, drum,
waterfall, birds singing, bees buzzing but which may also sound like
roaring, whooshing, or thunderous noises or like ringing in the ears.
Heard faint singing several times this week usually between 2 and 4am -
beautiful, almost like Enya. Heard bee buzzing sound in right ear for a
while the other day here at the computer.
*Mental confusion; difficulty concentrating.
Past couple of days.
*Altered states of consciousness: heightened awareness; spontaneous trance
states; mystical experiences (if the individual's prior belief system is too
threatened by these, they can lead to bouts of psychosis or
self-grandiosity)
No, but several weeks ago I did tell myself I've lost my mind.
*Heat, strange activity, and/or blissful sensations in the head,
particularly in the crown area.
Mild - Only when meditating, or outside listening to nature.
*Ecstasy, bliss and intervals of tremendous joy, love, peace and compassion
Not really.
*Psychic experiences:
extrasensory perception- Visualizing the time before seeing a clock. Looking
at the phone moments before it rings. Stuff like that.
out-of-body experiences- No
pastlife memories- Possibly. Had several unexplainable "scenes" come into
mind while meditating. Scenes that suggested a period several hundred years
ago.
astral travel- No
direct awareness of auras and chakras- No
contact with spirit guides through inner voices, dreams or visions- Not yet
cetain.
healing powers- No
*Increased creativity: new interests in self-expression and spiritual
communication through music, art, poetry, etc.
Writing three books simultaneously. Used to hate writing.
*Intensified understanding and sensitivity:
insight into one's own essence- Always felt deeply connected there
deeper understanding of spiritual truths- I feel like it's coming
exquisite awareness of one's environment (including "vibes" from others)-
One of the strongest abilities i've always had. I've picked up vibes from
someone at a distance of around 6000 miles away, all confirmed by later
phone conversations or chatting online. I usually feel what other's around
me are feeling.
*Enlightenment experiences: direct Knowing of a more expansive reality;
transcendent awareness.
Not yet anyways.
=======================
Just this morning while meditating, for the first time I felt an intense
heat move up my spine. Not really the spine, but more like off to the sides.
Felt parallel up to the mid-back region, then the left side felt more weak
as the right continued. The right stopped when I felt the left side
diminish.
Then there was nothing, but sweat and grogginess after breaking meditation.
I sometimes feel like I'm imagining these things - completely disoriented
with reality. Or, that i'm imagining the signs and symptoms as Kundalini
Awakening, now that I know what Kundalini is.
Now, compared with everyone else's experiences/insights here, does any of
this make sense as an "awakening." I don't know what to make of it - what
i'm experiencing is nothing dramatic, or painful, like all i've read about
from others, so i don't know.
Anyways. I hope to understand more with time, in reading from all of you
about your experiences.
-Jordan
_____________
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