To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/02/23 09:34
Subject: Re:[K-list] Enlightenment
From: Mike Pierce
On 2001/02/23 09:34, Mike Pierce posted thus to the K-list:
Has anybody out there seeking for enlightenment ever had the balls to give up the whole thing even for a moment? You might have the strength to look in a million places but can you throw in the towel. If you feel you have and have come back to seeking did you reely quit? I for one am going through a phase of being sick of seeking. I wish I didn't want enlightenment. I think that that word may be the biggest barrier to any type of realization that may exist. And then if I see myself surrendering or feel more in the now or see my ignorance. There is a nother voice a little deeper that is trained in the dialogue of enlightenment that says "oh it looks like you might be doing it???" "Oh good you see your ignorance that means your close" or like right now I want to give up and a voice says "ah yes this is good giving it all up is the key to surrender" So if these two forces talk the talk and don't walk the walk. What part of me can actually pull it off. "oh its the awareness part of me, the oberserver the on that watches all of this happen, rest in that..." Well I believe that but the ego starts explaining it to me and it is forever lost. Its the strangest paradox, there is no such thing as enlightenment but those who know that are in a state different then those who seek for it? I try to be honest and try to look back through my whole existence that I can remember. Who ever told me there was an 'state' that I should be in? Who said there was an enlightenment or salvation. Maybe theres not. Do why not give up, can you do it? I wish I could, I see that I am a slave.. a slave to enlightenment. And deep down I am pissed off. I read a quote.. it might be on this list it said "the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off" That makes me feel good because Oh , im pissed off I must be finding the truth. And thus the ego gets fed and it is harder to give it up. I wonder what it is like to be somewhat asleep, happy in a relegion? But its to late, truth has become my destiny.
Mike
p.s. I don't mean to be negative I just try to be honest, but I find that I am an agent on the matrix.
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.