To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/02/13 10:56
Subject: Fwd: FW: [K-list] about 'Dilemma'
From: Mystclwon
On 2001/02/13 10:56, Mystclwon posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 2/6/2001 8:56:08 AM Central Standard Time,
blakeandmikolATnospamdingoblue.net.au writes:
<< How do you prepare
yourself for having your world turned upside down?? For everything you know,
about yourself and you life, to be shown to you to be nothing, and then to
be left with nothing in its place?? I know that you can pout it off, and i'm
sure you've figured this out already, and being prepared.... well, if you
find out anything let me know. :) >>
Blake.... Sorry it's taken a bit to reply, but some of your post brought me
back to places within that I hadn't visited in a while. It was a good and
worthy trip back ;-)
I can relate to what you've recounted above, but it's taken time and a good
amount of mental & emotional probing within to place the changes in a
perspective that is getting close to feeling right.
When K entered my life -- it was without a doubt the most blissful period of
existance I've ever experienced in this lifetime. I never felt more alive
(<<==almost mistyped 'alove' which would have also been pretty accurate). It
was a spontaneous event (not brought on or sought through any specific
practice) although I've always been drawn to and open to the mystical side of
existance. In short, I didn't have a clue as to what was happening
physically/emotionally/mentally, but something deep inside affirmed that I
should go with the flow.
As this event unfolded over a period of approx 5 months, I felt guided (or
fortified with an inner strength that I wasn't previously aware of) to blow
away every thing that was not in total alignment with 'who I then felt I was
-- or who it was that I came here to be'. Without getting into all the
specifics, the end results were that I ended a marriage of 21 years that
probably should have ended years ago.... (something I'd thought of quite
often but couldn't bear the thought of the pain that would ensue) & I was let
go from a (long term) job that was pretty much suffocating me. While this
was happening, K continued to flow and I could see/feel the rightness of it
all..... however, after a period of time, I began slowly buying back into the
security trip and lost trust to some degree. I started to worry about the
future, how this all looked, etc..... and then the bliss and synchronicities
started to fade. Spent the next several months pretty much in solitude
focusing on lack, fear, survival. It was a hellish existance but it was
important for me to go there and expose the bullshit issues I'd been carrying
with me for years. In retrospect I realize that goddess did me a favor by
all of the above. She stripped away all that wasn't beneficial to my growth
and removed pretty much any distraction from my path that prevented me from
addressing the things that I had been avoiding.
In short, I've learned resistance is much more painful that letting go &
fear is self inflicted and grows when you feed it. I'd love to say this
story has a blissful ending, but I'm still making it up as I go along....
just like we all do. ;-)
Wishing you much peace and love..... Colette
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