To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/02/06 07:46
Subject: FW: [K-list] about 'Dilemma'
From: Blake and Mikol
On 2001/02/06 07:46, Blake and Mikol posted thus to the K-list:
I was amazed at how difficult it was to stay in the moment... all the
mini-mind trips, catching myself and then coming back to present. This was
all good and fine initially, and I learned much about personal avoidance
patterns -- but after about a week of continued observation, my mind was
getting just a bit 'pissed off' to put it mildly.... It was like there was a
war going on inside of me...I wasn't prepared for the turmoil and it kind of
freaked me out. A few days later, in the interest of continued sanity (?),
I
declared a temporary peace treaty...
In any case, when I read your post it reminded me that it was a temporary
surrender -- but, before I engage in the next battle, I'm thinking I need to
be better prepared and create some space to allow the erruption that will
surely follow.
Wim/List... Any suggestions on how to go about realization/surrender at a
reasonable pace while still maintaining a fairly normal and functioning
existance.. (eg. carry water /chop wood?) My first K experience took me
way
outside my norms and though in retrospect, I know it was all for the good,
I'm a bit leary of letting go....but know it's mine to do eventually.
Again, thanks for the spark...appreciate your comments/thoughts.
Colette
I have had this difficulty myself, over the last few years, and its been
whats stopping me from really being able to progress much further. My
goddess has pushed me several times, and she has always been doing things to
me this whole time, however, always behind the scenes, and i always find out
afterwards, what she has done to me. I do not really know what to do when
what you have described happens. I have tried at times to follow, and to
surrender, and fear, and destruction beggining has always meant i have just
given up and blocked the process for another time. How do you prepare
yourself for having your world turned upside down?? For everything you know,
about yourself and you life, to be shown to you to be nothing, and then to
be left with nothing in its place?? I know that you can pout it off, and i'm
sure you've figured this out already, and being prepared.... well, if you
find out anything let me know. :)
I have this feeling at the moment, that, doom awaits me, that soon it will
be my turn again, to be taken down this path much further, and again i feel
terified, knowing what the beginings are to be, and this time, however, i
have an assurance inside, that it really will be worth it, and that if i can
participate all the way this time, it will be easier on myself, and i will
actually get what it is i am really wanting. i hope i can look back and see
that i needed to be ready before i could let this really happen, but knowing
that other people have already gone this way, and gone through these things,
is whats helping me prepare for it. This time, i wont be too impatiant to
figure out what and where, this time i wont take it so dramatically!!! I
want to just let it happen to me, and hold onto that place inside that tells
me "everything really is ok. Its not just ok, bt its perfect and its how it
should be, for you right now" Thats all i know that i can do to help myself
to get through this. All those times She has brought me to the start of
another process, and i have stopped it, this is the only thing i think could
really work. to let it happen slowly, at her pace, not mine, and to hold
onto for dear life, never letting go of that place inside where all is ok.
i wish you all the best. Goodluck and many prayers.
Blake
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