To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/02/01 05:44
Subject: [K-list] about 'Dilemma'
From: Jb789
On 2001/02/01 05:44, Jb789 posted thus to the K-list:
Hi,
And thanks to all for the replies to my 'a Dilemma' post.
My response (below) to Chris's reply(sent to his email adr.), shows
the way I look at it now.
I would like to add, concerning 'gut feeling' in making choices, that
I feel that I do not have any object of desire/need, to make choices
about. It might sound like a pathological state, but I do not feel I
need/want anything (apart food, clothes, shelter and a bit of human
presence once in a while)..
The only 'thing' I am drawn towards is that 'perfume' of being/energy
with its causeless and condition-free purity of joy. (which though I
have tasted, I cannot say that I am established in it).
My dilemma does seem to be based on fear of future...
'What if, I will not be able to become 'enlightened''...
but also because, the sex-need has also petered out,.. since when it
does take place, though enjoyable, it does bring drainage of energy
and a cotton-filled head and reduced perceptual sensitivity for
the 'small things' in life.
Perhaps, instead of bothering about the 'right choice', I should
enquire into whether 'fear' can be re/dis-solved..(?!)
Your feed-back welcome.
Bess wishes
JB.
---
Dear Chris
Thanks for your sharing.
A couple more comments, if ok with you:
Someoneelse has also shared his view with me. He said that he had to
learn to follow 'gut feeling' instead of cerebral choices which used
to lead him to disastrous choices. And he advised me, that since I am
not sure, I should wait with moving in.
Now the word 'gut-feeling' is not new to me, .. and I feel that
although there have been also gut-choices in my life, it did not seem
to me, that they necessarily gave me less pain than the cerebral
choices.
That's why I have asked : "Does it really matter".. when it comes to
the matter of discovery of Self/Truth ..?
Granted, 'gut-feeling' might lead to choices for the more
pleasant/comfortable input,.. but what's that got to do with 'it' ?
Life, as pointed by the Buddha, is suffering .. until, - and I doubt
there are ways to get away from that.
Regardless of the choice one makes, it will present one with -some
painful lesson or another... it seems to me.
What do you say ?
And concerning, 'intuition/gut-feeling'.. what's that anyway ?
If it is based on the search for the 'better' form of
pleasure/comfort, what's its worth ?
So it does not seem to be a 'way out',.. perhaps only a 'way in'
independant of the outside happenings.
Perhaps the actions based on gut-feeling, though perhaps more
conscious choices, seem to be more of the same self/ego
centered/concerned activity.
In my case, she also has much love for me. And though since she's met
me, she dropped dogmatic believes and started to get interested in an
actual reality/being, she does function within the ussual love-
model/paradigm.. the activity of sentimental/romantic
thoughts/feelings.
So for her, this is first and the other(being) second. She does not
will-fully declare it as a right-principle, but she functions this
way.
While myself, having quite some years of 'being'-work, naturally I
regard it and its perfume, as the first necessary basis for life and
relationship.
And this situation of somewhat different modus-operandi, does give
(me at least) some irritation/friction/enrgy drainage, in spite of
all her love.
But then, have I ever met anyone (especially women) with the same
quality of modus-operandi..?
I would say not.
So perhaps, there is a great delusion to steer one's life after the
wish to find The soul-mate/'right-mate'.
And according to the stories, finding one's soul mate, can give one a
hell of an uncomfortable mirror..
Well I get that already !.. Don't you ?..
So..?..
Perhaps, there is nothing to do..
We do whatever we do.
A bit less self/ego-concern, might help though.. ?!..
Well, perhaps I hear from you.
Best wishes
JB.
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