To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/29 01:14
Subject: [K-list] Re: To Susan
From: Divine Goddess
On 2001/01/29 01:14, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
Damn, I still can't sleep. Probably because I spent the last 70 hours
or so with a virulent flu bug, sleeping it away in fits of fever,
chills and noxious dreams. Now I am wide awake.
--- In Kundalini-GatewayATnospamegroups.com, CLEOCATRAsATnospama... wrote:
> Dear Susan,
>
> What happened with Jana seems a long time ago... my choices might
be
> different now. But Goddess has her way regardless... it may have
been some
> other foolish one instead of me!
Dear Cat,
Jana is alive as you say, but it sounds like she is very unhappy.
Maybe Death would have been kinder. We would never know.
>
> I would say, I had no idea what I should have done, I just did it,
it was my
> own selfishness to not be impartial. I labored over it, and it was
the best I
> could decide at the time.
We all try to do our best in the moment that we can. Personally, I am
resistant to manipulation in a health crisis. Just speaking from my
experience of taking care of people in intensive care situations.
I have seen absolute miraculous recoveries in spite of medical
intervention. I have seen people who were bound and determined to die
and nothing was going to stop them. I have probably seen it all in my
years as an intensive care nurse. I have watched people's bodies rot
to smelly goo because their families won't turn off life support,
hoping for a miracle.
>
> In comparison to my brother, that one moment of that felt like I
had much to > do with it...
That story was kewl...
>
> But by telling the stories, (and there is one more), as varied and
> contrasting as they might appear or not appear... its the only way
I can lend > a hand now.
Yes, I have listened to your stories for awhile. This "create your
own reality thread" is appropos.
It amazes me how much drama,"hanging on by a thread" type, some
people can punch into their lives. It amaze me even more cause I have
had one drama packed life up until a few years ago. My dad used to
tell me that I lived more drama in three months than some people live
in three life times.
Now I am quite happy with my boring, take home my paycheck, 9am to
6pm, monday thru friday life. I get paid $40,000 a year to tell
people to make sure their phone equipment is plugged in to see if
it's working. It certainly isn't what I want to do with the rest of
my life, but it is restful compared to my previous living.
Reducing the drama was helped by putting 10 states between me and my
family. But I found a surrogate "family" to work out my issues with
until I said, "no more, this is finished." Staying any longer would
definately have been masochism in the extreme. I told myself families
are dysfunctional, period. I could work on my issues from now until
doomsday, cause as we all know now, we carry the weight of
generations into our present lives, and never totally unpeel the
onion.Basically, I said "f**k it" and decided to look for the "fun"
in dys-fun-ctional and surrender to the possibility that joy and love
already exists around me.
I have been a lot happier and much less emotionally turbulent in my
life and in my heart.
>
> The last one is about... another Kathy, who I met mostly on the
phone...
The difference between you and me, Cat, maybe, that I have learned to
say No to participating in creating other people's reality. You did
not make Kathy kill herself by not calling her, just in time. That's
an awful trap of expectation to let yourself fall in. I know. Seduce
people into living in your reality.
I am curious. You do help people, but it always seems to be, "in the
nick of time", right when they have one foot on a banana peel and one
foot in the grave.I just base this on what you write about. Only you
know whether this is a pattern for you. I certainly don't have an
inside view of how you spend your day to day life caring for others.
That's one of the reasons I left intensive care nursing. I began to
hate being the last escape route before death. It is an enormous
energy drain. It was killing my soul. I decided if I ever was to go
back into nursing it would be in education and the preventative
maintenance aspect.
Cat, I love your compassion and your big, generous heart but sheesh,
you can't save all the lost lambs of the whole world. Whose to say
they even want to be saved?
Ah, I am judging your capacity to care. I apologize. Maybe you can
save them all.
:)
> Is this free will?
>
> Cat
Depends... on whose free will we are talking about?
Susan
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