To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/23 23:11
Subject: Re: [K-list] Back to David, to answer...
From: David Bozzi
On 2001/01/23 23:11, David Bozzi posted thus to the K-list:
Hello Cat, : )
CLEOCATRAsATnospamaol.com wrote:
> Of course, the things I do, have everything to do with *me*, and how my
> "blank slate" (experiences since birth) got written, and how I process to
> "undo" what meaning it has had for me in the past... At least ** For Now**
> Everything is transitional, including me, who I am, and who I will become...
Everything transitional is exactly not
who you are.
Transitionality may indeed be our experience,
it's not our identity.
> I am still processing the idea of someone's intent to do harm to another and
> that form of betraying another - and in my own case, by someone who was
> "supposed to" love instead of harm...
When ones harms it's always a misrepresentation of love.
(But don't hang around with those who don't know this)
> I absorbed all that energy, and rather
> than express the feeling and manifest that empathy, sympathy, pity,
> whatever... I bring it out in its positive aspect: to be a support and an
> assistor,
An enabler?
> perhaps to mock those who didn't, couldn't or won't at times, but
> mostly I want to claim that place of not being one of *them* that hurt
> intentionally,
The *them* is you.
(you couldn't know 'them' if it weren't so)
Might you be likely to think you are harmful when you don't enable?
> and I am sure, it can be extended to be more specifically to
> the *them* that did harm to me.
Claim 'them' as you.
If you fear Power,
then forget it.
> It feels like a letting out, a relief, a lightening of spirit... I realize it
> is my love that never had an opportunity to be expressed, its my hate energy
> in another form, its my empathy in knowing what this is like when reaching
> out to another,
Real giving has nothing to do with 'reaching'.
Light doesn't reach to shadows.
It radiates. That's it.
> its a healing for them and for me... and a relief that there
> is someone who thinks of another in need..
You can tell if you're coming from a place of complete wholeness or lack.
> even if the help is not perfect,
> its a transfer of love and empathy.
There's no such thing as a 'transfer'.
(though it may seem so)
There's an undeniable connection,
that equates to unity.
There's a subtle difference.
> There is an image in my past of several times when I was literally facing
> death and strangers and loved ones both just stood there staring, maybe in
> shock, frozen, maybe in a cloud of not knowing
That was you.
(cold and uncertain)
> what they were looking was
> real... and couldnt stop it.
Do you want to stop your own Being?
Or embrace It?
> Recalling back, this used to torment me.
I'd imagine so...
> Now I take its energy, like a fountain it comes... and just use it to be the
> opposite.
You're both opposites.
(which amounts to neither)
> I will never see and do nothing while everyone else is standing
> there... (of course, the words "will never" are only intention, but still...)
> I just feel it is a viable purpose to plant the seed of helping, when so many
> dont bother.
The 'so many that don't bother', are aspects of yourself.
Can you help yourself in the same way that you help another?
Do you give yourself that same respect?
It's wonderful to help another.
But one can only give from a place wholeness.
What could one motivated by lack offer?
> I dont want any credit for it, I dont really want any energy
> from it, really. It almost seems like it just neutralizes the haunting of
> that image I describe.
What do you have to offer to that haunting image that you describe?
> The bliss I get is relief of remembering. It changes my world altogether.
> Whatever could be missing in my life goes unnoticed most of the time,
Because it's too unbearable?
> yes I am rather poor right now...
You are indeed a fool.
> and, I feel no sense in spending a great deal of
> time in the "now" of experiencing that...
Well we have eternity to do so...
> Not having "things" is so unimportant anyhow.
> And it is relative...
> I remember when I felt so needy and feeling sorry for myself,
I did that too. As an infant and child. The vibes were already embedded in me.
I couldn't understand where they came from. You're not alone.
> I went out instead to do volunteer work with people who had far less than I did,
They might have been rich and you might have never known it.
> and I came home feeling very wealthy indeed. Well, I trained myself, I guess, 4000
> hours of voluteer work later, it's just a part of me now.
What one does can never become what one really is.
(though it may reflect it)
> But truly, provisional things come and go, and as quick as anything, can be
> gone again... and I think that is the message: Goddess provides -
Yes. Always.
> and for Her own reasons,
Her reasons aren't apart from your own.
Don't fool yourself otherwise.
> even safety is a provision. There is no such thing as comfort
> except in your own perception... your own context, and as it relates to the
> world around you -- only if you acknowledge it.
There is 'safety' and there is Safety.
One is fragile, one lasts forever.
Those who are wise know the difference.
> I think what motivates people to do negative things to others is their
> attachment to the world,
Do you love your attachment to the world?
Do you resist it?
> to this thought I just tried to describe. And as to
> those people that stand staring? Probably the same for them too.
I've just poked you in the eyes and now I'm doing the 'moonwalk'
wondering what you're staring at... : )
> Lately, it has been my own conscious testing to see how far I can go with
> it... ignoring my state of affairs... and yes, I didnt have to worry after
> all, and just like I believed -- Goddess had it handled. So, until it is
> shown to me otherwise, I am going to keep going on this path, until the path
> is taken away. I could very well end up homeless at that point, but I really
> do feel its that faith that keeps the roof in tact...
>
> There have been so many times that you do everything that you can do within
> this world and all is taken away anyway.
Whatever is taken away
has nothing to do with your happiness.
> This tells me it is always up to
> Goddess, no matter how well or how foolish you delt with it.
Always,
Blessings Back,
David
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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