To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/23 13:07
Subject: [K-list] Back to David, to answer...
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/01/23 13:07, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
Hi, David,
Seems I keep getting skipped over by yahoo on the Digest format. I just now
got to read your thoughtful response. Lots of energy in your answers, lots to
process before answering... I am grateful for your thoughts and how they
titilized my processing...
Of course, the things I do, have everything to do with *me*, and how my
"blank slate" (experiences since birth) got written, and how I process to
"undo" what meaning it has had for me in the past... At least ** For Now**
Everything is transitional, including me, who I am, and who I will become...
I am still processing the idea of someone's intent to do harm to another and
that form of betraying another - and in my own case, by someone who was
"supposed to" love instead of harm... I absorbed all that energy, and rather
than express the feeling and manifest that empathy, sympathy, pity,
whatever... I bring it out in its positive aspect: to be a support and an
assistor, perhaps to mock those who didn't, couldn't or won't at times, but
mostly I want to claim that place of not being one of *them* that hurt
intentionally, and I am sure, it can be extended to be more specifically to
the *them* that did harm to me.
It feels like a letting out, a relief, a lightening of spirit... I realize it
is my love that never had an opportunity to be expressed, its my hate energy
in another form, its my empathy in knowing what this is like when reaching
out to another, its a healing for them and for me... and a relief that there
is someone who thinks of another in need.. even if the help is not perfect,
its a transfer of love and empathy.
There is an image in my past of several times when I was literally facing
death and strangers and loved ones both just stood there staring, maybe in
shock, frozen, maybe in a cloud of not knowing what they were looking was
real... and couldnt stop it. Recalling back, this used to torment me. Now I
take its energy, like a fountain it comes... and just use it to be the
opposite. I will never see and do nothing while everyone else is standing
there... (of course, the words "will never" are only intention, but still...)
I just feel it is a viable purpose to plant the seed of helping, when so many
dont bother. I dont want any credit for it, I dont really want any energy
from it, really. It almost seems like it just neutralizes the haunting of
that image I describe.
The bliss I get is relief of remembering. It changes my world altogether.
Whatever could be missing in my life goes unnoticed most of the time, yes I
am rather poor right now... and, I feel no sense in spending a great deal of
time in the "now" of experiencing that...
Not having "things" is so unimportant anyhow. And it is relative... I
remember when I felt so needy and feeling sorry for myself, I went out
instead to do volunteer work with people who had far less than I did, and I
came home feeling very wealthy indeed. Well, I trained myself, I guess, 4000
hours of voluteer work later, it's just a part of me now.
But truly, provisional things come and go, and as quick as anything, can be
gone again... and I think that is the message: Goddess provides - and for Her
own reasons, even safety is a provision. There is no such thing as comfort
except in your own perception... your own context, and as it relates to the
world around you -- only if you acknowledge it.
I think what motivates people to do negative things to others is their
attachment to the world, to this thought I just tried to describe. And as to
those people that stand staring? Probably the same for them too.
Lately, it has been my own conscious testing to see how far I can go with
it... ignoring my state of affairs... and yes, I didnt have to worry after
all, and just like I believed -- Goddess had it handled. So, until it is
shown to me otherwise, I am going to keep going on this path, until the path
is taken away. I could very well end up homeless at that point, but I really
do feel its that faith that keeps the roof in tact...
There have been so many times that you do everything that you can do within
this world and all is taken away anyway. This tells me it is always up to
Goddess, no matter how well or how foolish you delt with it.
Blessings...
Ms Cat
From: David Bozzi <david.bozziATnospamn...>
Date: Sun Jan 21, 2001 9:36pm
Subject: Re: [K-list] To David
CLEOCATRAsATnospama... wrote:
Maybe you could lend some more thoughts... I get tremendous bliss when I
attempt to assist, the feedback can* be good, too.
Is your motive to assist motivated by the bliss that you will get? (or part
of it?)
But the one thing that seems to be more certain, is that I thought of them,
and yes, instead of my world. Am I avoiding my reality, or am I creating my
reality?
You're asking me (and so I ask myself),
if you're avoiding your reality or creating it.
We're always creating it. No real choice here.
Refine your question (to yourself)
"Am I avoiding what I have made or embracing it?"
I dont feel deprived or lacking when I am in this "condition of helping",
What about when you're not in this 'condition of helping'?
what appears to be lacking is not missed. Is this avoidance or acceptance?
Avoidance or acceptance? This is good inquiry.
Dreams become lucid when we ask if it's a dream.
If I acquire what seems to be my need, it was no need at all unless I spent
energy to look at it. And I only feel I needed it when some part of me is
eased and I am grateful...
You acquire some object (or thought) that you thought you (or someone else)
needed. Need becomes momentarily 'tucked away' until Need finds a new
projection...
I do have my moments that I express to friends that I need some things, but
as soon as I express this, the feeling is gone. Do you think it is the energy
of their empathy that does this?
Often times when we express a need
the real Need has little to do with the specifics of the request.
David
(needy)
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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