To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/09 15:05
Subject: [K-list] And Now For Something Completely Different
From: Paul Perner
On 2001/01/09 15:05, Paul Perner posted thus to the K-list:
Way back in December -
Wim Borsboom wrote:
>
> Dear Jan,
>
> You wrote:
> > I have yet to meet the first one who won't show
> > even the slightest trace of irritation, when
> > "pushed real hard". The question then,
> > is there a free choice not to get irritated?
>
> You may try me, Jan.
>
>........
Paul here, stepping into the ring.
O.k., Wim, you want irritation? Picture yourself in my shoes.
You arrive for work at the folk/blues club and as the audience trickles
in, sure enough, just like the night before and many nights to come, a
little beady eyed, portly man with large bag in his hand comes bouncing
in.
Wearing bunny slippers, yellow stripped pajama bottoms, a loud, day glow
flower print Hawaiian shirt and a funny hat, he takes a seat closest to
the stage... right in the middle of everything.
When the performance starts he extends his arms out and waves them back
and forth... and back and forth... back and forth... he never gets
tired.
Then when a song comes up that he really likes, he starts singing
along... off key.. *very* off key.
Finally, he reaches into his bag and pulls out a large, hand held drum
and proceeds to bang on it with a stick: BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
BOOM!.......
(had enough, Wim?) BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
(would it help to know that his shirts are not only Hawaiian day glow,
they are shocking *pink* Hawaiian day glow) BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
>
> I handle any pain and pleasure without suffering or desire:
> cold, (of course I can freeze, but there is no discomfort :-]
> heat, (of course I can burn, but there is no suffering :-}
> haven't tried poison yet (of course I will pass on, but will I
> notice ?:)
> oh yes, I have tried a poison... white sugar (and I love it ;-)
> I simply cannot get irritated anymore :-(
> But I am willing to be tested on it. Could you try me? ........
>
O.K., round two:
It's early in the morning the next day.
The weather's clear, the birds are singing... all is calm and serene.
I (you as me) decide to go down to the local coffee house to get some
writing done.
I sit down at my favorite table with a cup of joe, open my notebook,
click my pen and just as soon as I focus on the page a familiar sound
creeps up.
The kid behind the counter has no taste in music. Disco is the the last
thing I want to hear at eight in the morning. Thump thump thump thump.
We're not talking about the interesting techno stuff, no, this guy has
to play these cheap 70s disco B sides... throw away cuts that never made
it to the dance floor.
thump thump thump...Come on baby do me do me do me
You know how I like it like it like it... thump thump thump...
And the joker behind the counter has to keep cranking up the volume.
THUMP THUMP THUMP... Come on shake yo groove thang groove thang
Come on shake yo groove thang groove thang... THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP...
I look down at my cup and the sound is making little circular ripples in
the coffee.
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP
Suddenly a very large, unpleasant looking man bursts through the door.
He recognizes his buddy from back east sitting at the opposite end on
the cafe. He shouts above the music in a thick Brooklyn accent, "AY!
TONY!!! REMEMBA ME?!?!"
It was met with an equally loud greeting.
"AY!!! HOW YA DOIN' THERE, JOEY YA OLD SUCKA!!!!"
And so as the obnoxious taxi driver banter increased, so did the volume
of the music.
THUMP THUMP THUMP Shake yo groove thang groove thang... THUMP THUMP
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP...
Next through the door was a frustrated mother with a troop of restless
kids in tow, "Billy!!! Get your finger out of your sister's nose right
this minute!!!"
"Waaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
At this point, my coffee cup is jumping up and down on the table. I must
do something or loose my sanity. I began a mantra... Ooohhhmmmmmmm....
THUMP THUMP THUMP
"JOEY! DID YA EVER HEAR DA ONE ABOUT THE STRIPPER AND THE KANGAROO?!?!"
THUMP THUMP THUMP Gonna shake yo groove thang groove thang...
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!"
"Billy, I'm warning you!!!"
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP....
One of the kids throws his Tella Tubby doll over the tables and it lands
square in my face, coming to rest on my notebook. So much for the
mantra.
As more people fill the cafe... as the music gets louder... the
screaming and shouting... all at a maddening pitch, I look down at the
smiling rubber face of the doll on my notebook. Something strange begins
to happen.
I feel dizzy and the room begins to spin... the music and noise blend
into a chaotic scramble... The doll transforms into that strange little
man with the funny hat and the drum at the club...
I gaze transfixed... he winks at me... laughing at me!... taunting me!
"So you thought you could escape me. Look at me, Paul. I am the Great
Spirit of Annoyance. I am all that you can't stand. I am the eternal fly
in your soup... the obnoxious taxi driver... the toast that lands butter
side down..."
No, please stop this... I can't take any more!
"Look at me, Paul. I am all your itches, aches and pains. I am the key
chain you always loose... the computer the crashes... the old school
buddy who arrives unannounced and makes you lapse back into your
Valley/surfer accent... ...don't resist, Paul. Look at me"
No! I can't take this!
The noise! the spinning! STOP IT!!!!
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!.....................
_ _ _ _
Suddenly I sit up in bed.
The echoes of my nightmare fade from reality as the sun warms the
curtains on my window.
As I pour my morning cup of coffee, a small fly lands on the rim of the
cup. I gently shoo it away.
Paul
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