To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/04 19:24
Subject: [K-list] Wendy - health update
From: Wendy Wade
On 2001/01/04 19:24, Wendy Wade posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Sweet Angels (and I do mean Sweeeeet Angels),
Well, do I know anything??? Not a whole lot more. The surgeon, "Liver Man",
says he doesn't think that the "mass" is IN my liver but more abutting the
liver. This is good -- I think. So we've moved "it" out of the liver, y'all.
I was tested yesterday for Lymphoma, which is a possibility, and I am to be
scheduled for a PET Scan ASAP (since there are only two PET scan locations,
one in SF one in Sacto... we will take the first one that has an opening
ASAP). PET scan is a more advanced scan that can tell (as far as I can
gather) where tumors are and which are tumors and which are something else
and can give "Liver Man" a better idea of what we are working with.
Liver Man (Dr. Robert Warren) has a wonderfully compassionate bedside manner
(even though he was two hours late for our appointment - but the guy he was
with before me sure looked to need his help pretty badly - so I guess Liver
Man is just doin' the best he can). I was pretty upset - trying to "make"
him see that I had already been waiting 5 weeks for info on something that
stories say can take your last breath in that many weeks. I think he got it
and was very apologetic (not sure that was what I was looking for - but sure
won him points in the compassion department).
Bob Chronbach and my sweet sister, Mikayla and my daughter, Courtney went
with me. Courtney opted, after the long wait, to not be in the room when the
doctor came. Court, Mikayla and I stopped for a less than wonderful lunch at
Mel's Diner on the way and a quick shopping spree at Pier One where all the
candles were 50% off - so I have plenty of candles... then we went to UCSF
where we met Bob. Courtney was really nervous and talked non-stop which was
a little hard for mom who was trying to be in a "quiet" space but which was
such a bittersweet process to witness.
Thank you, sweet Mother, for the blessings of these three angels on earth.
By the time we got home - I was exhausted. We ordered Thai food and another
friend joined Mikayla and the kids and I for a sweet dinner where I could
unload, take more pain meds and get warm by the space heater (which has
unfortunately replaced the comfort of my fireplace because my fireplace needs
to be cleaned out).
My little one came home from her dad's and said she was having a hard time
breathing. I asked her if she was worried about anything and she said "no,
and there was nothing to worry about at dad's either". I had some sweet
moments working with her to reach deep down in her belly with her breaths and
I ran some heart energy with her as I explained to her that there was nothing
she couldn't tell me - that she wasn't going to hurt me by keeping things
that were bothering her to herself and she poured out some of the things
weighing on her and we took breath together. She wanted to be assured that I
would be taking her to school in the morning - that's what I am waiting to do
right now. Precious moments.
I have been in a lot of pain. The kind of pain that no matter what I do I
get little relief. It is like it is always there to remind my mind. The
pain specialist doubled my pain meds and when I am really quiet and have
taken enough meds - the pain subsides. Marijuana seems to give me a lift
that helps me to get some things done and even to dance and sing while I am
doing the every day stuff... I am still trying to rid my house of extra
STUFF
I went through a period the night before the Dr.'s visit where I was sure my
closest angels were tiring of my "neediness" something I tend to get hung up
on. I checked out my fantasies with them and they both were surprised that I
would think that and assured me I wasn't doing this alone. I KNEW that but
was sooo scared and that old feeling just moved right into the fear and made
a little bed. I rustled it out of bed and sent it on its little way.
It has been hard to use marijuana when I have two kids that are at the age
where drug ABUSE is being explained to them at school. I told Taylor that it
was an herb that helped me with my pain - but still you have to wonder how
confusing this must be for them.
I still really want a puppy...and am still waiting - I know the perfect pup
will come at the perfect time. I am awestruck with the outpouring of support
I get from you all. I print the letters and keep them to read over again. I
am still open to company. I would love some company while I am just going
through stuff and getting rid of things. This company could be reading a
book or just hanging and BEing there. I spend my nights up and down a lot.
I began writing again which was hard for me to do for awhile. Most of it is
prayer of my own making and truly lifts my spirits and my soul. I am looking
for more music which touches the soul - any ideas???
I have taken a few walks in the neighborhood and in the canyon at the end of
our street - I love company for those, especially the canyon walks - it's so
beautiful up there. So if you are interested, please give me a call. If you
are in my area and going food shopping or Costco shopping and want a slow but
delightful shopping companion - let me know. Actually, you would be MY
companion - cause I do need some help with some things.
I am really happy the holidays are over. I love the holidays AND the energy
expended kind of does me in.
To you all, I wish you blessings of the Very Best of Love, Life, Joy, and
Glorious Health. Take in that beautiful, sweet, cleansing breath and let it
fill you with the gifts of the universe. The in breath and the out breath
and the place where one becomes the other... God-dess bless you all with
peace and light.
In Gratitude and in Deep Love,
Namaste'
wendy
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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