To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/02 15:40
Subject: Re: [K-list] Update on my path and thanks to All.
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2001/01/02 15:40, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
Chris:
Some thoughts for you. The reason why arranged marriages have been
around for so long, is that they work!
Let me explain.. my feelings about "romance" are probably quite
different, than you would have guessed. The big romantic ideal of "falling
in love" is an illusion. It is what happens when people go looking for love
outside of themselves, instead of finding it within themselves. Trying to
find completion externally, instead of becoming whole, within themselves.
The unconscious mind is the opposite gender of the body, and that is
the Divine Beloved spoken of, in sacred texts. The true "twin soul" is
within. Falling in love with yourself, with your own inner Divinity is the
greatest romance there is. All the hollywood stories pale, in comparison.
At the deepest level of the unconscious, is the collective
consciousness.. Goddess! There is no separation. Goddess takes a form, that
we can love, in our visions and dreams, to have a personal, intimate
relationship with us. That form, is the Divine Beloved. The internal ideal
Mr. or Ms. Right that people look for externally does not exist outside of
yourself. You have to fall in love with yourself, before you truly can love
anyone else.
"Falling in love" like the Romeo and Juliet of modern love stories, is
an illusion that happens when someone who does not find all the love they
need, within, projects the inner Divine Beloved onto another person, and
falls in love with the projection.
The result is that they are always measuring the physical lover and the
relationship against an illusory romantic ideal they have in their heads,
and coming up short.. instead of loving the person for who they are. The
result is co-dependence, disappointment and high divorce rates when the
glamor wears off. No external person can measure up to the internal ideal.
Nobody can be God-dess for you.
The Wedding Vows: "Let these 2 people be joined as one".. is 2 half
people trying to make one whole person by mutual projection. It works for
pair bonding and raising children... sometimes..
The True Sacred Marriage, is marrying your own inner Divinity. Finding
wholeness within yourself.. and the relationship of 2 whole people is
completely different from the love and fear mix of modern romance. There is
no need for possession and jealousy. There is freedom and mutual
interdependence, the bond of joy in each other's lives and in gratitude for
the present moment.
With arranged marriages, the projection effect does not happen, so
instead of intimacy leading to contempt, ... both partners retain respect
for each other, individuality and love grows at a slow and steady pace, on
a solid foundation creating a relationship that is so much stronger than
the head over heels in love intoxicated feeling that leads to a painful
hangover of disappointment and heartbreak.
It may surprise you to know, that my own primary relationship is an
arranged marriage. Arranged by Goddess, but still... not the person I'd
have chosen for myself in my romantic daydreams, and just as well, because
I really had terrible taste in men!
All my life I had this handsome aryan looking blonde guy in my head, he
looks like David Bowie, Michael York and Dolph Ludgren all mixed together.
My Prince.
I spent years trying to find him, externally.. I had a series of awful
"falling in love" relationships with Mr. Almost-right, and even some tragic
affairs with Mr. Not-even-close before I recognised that falling in love
was a choice of perception I made, every time... that led to heartbreak,
every time.
It was a choice I made, to give myself away to an illusion of a
romantic ideal because that is what the Cinderella stories of my cultural
programing told me was the right thing to do.
It was not until I got pissed off with "romance" and gave up on "falling
in love" altogether, and focused on loving myself, first, on *becoming* the
man of my dreams, becoming my own "Prince Charming", .. that I really
learned about what true love is. That was the choice that led to me
integrating my male side and discovering my true sexual orientation,
bisexual Dominant sadist.. finding wholeness within.
When Goddess first brought to me this bald nerdy computer geek with the
big nose, whom I now call slave and husband, (who looks nothing like my
fantasy lover) and told me he was mine, I gave him love because I am a
slave to Goddess. An act of faith. Goddess told me to love him so I did.
he was there for me, he took me in when I lost my home, my work, my
health and everything else, in the harsh time preceding my ego death. I
needed someone to take care of me as my K. process unfolded, and he was
there.. Goddess provides.
Goddess had it handled. She threw us together, co-habiting by need and
circumstance until I woke up and came to appreciate how wonderful he truly
is, and how perfect for me... Never would I have guessed when we first met,
that I would come to love him as deeply and completely as I do, today.
Every day I count my blessings, that he is in my life, and he loves me.
Every day, I tell him so. I want him to know how much I cherish him.
That blonde guy in my head turned out to be Archangel Michael, My Divine
Beloved.. and we have a passionate romance. That inner love and completion,
wholeness and abundance spills over into my relationship with my slave
druid, my other slaves and my lists.. everywhere else in my life.
I don't expect druid to be Michael, or measure him against that ideal.
I love him for who he is. Sweet, unique, charming and wonderful guy who
takes good care of me, and loves me more than any one ever has. I call him
my druid because he makes me feel like a Goddess...
Am I "in love" with him? Yes and No.. I gave up that whole game of
falling in love, and once my love was released from it's Noah's Ark,
cultural 2x2 limitations my ability to love expanded so that now I am "in
love" with life itself. I fall in love with sunsets and roses and everyone
I meet, if I see Goddess in them. I see Goddess in my druid. Radiant!
For his part, druid has told me that he really does not understand the
concept of "falling in love".. and never did. he just loves... and he does
it very well. his love is so radiant blissful that sometimes I rub my nose
in his chest hair and want to climb right inside of his heart chakra. he
laughs gently and says, "Mystress, you are in there, already.." :) :) :) :)
:) Yeah, I am.. it is beauty. Makes me go all misty..
druid tells me every day, that he never would have guessed that he
would have someone as beautiful and caring (etc, etc.. he is very good at
verbal adoration and I eat it up! ) as I am, in his life.. Goddess did it..
an arranged marriage.
I am not telling you to break up or not break up. I am telling you to
stop measuring your marriage against the romantic ideals of western
culture, because those ideals are an illusion. The grass is not greener..
Blessings..
At 12:27 PM 1/2/01, Chris Seidel wrote:
>Yet a part of me feels I am engaging in negative pleasure, denying myself
>the potential joy of having a relationship with someone who is obviously a
>very good person, drop dead gorgeous (in my opinion), and "committed" to
>"building love" in the relationship.
> I ask you all, what is true love?
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