To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/12/17 09:46
Subject: Re: [K-list] empathy...
From: Carla
On 2000/12/17 09:46, Carla posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Mystress,
>
> I wish, I wish that my family could understand.. but I learned very
> young not to tell them anything that happened in my life, because it would
> always be turned into a weapon to hurt me with. Not to ask for help..
>
> It is even more painful because they do not want to know the woman I
> have become,
You have my empathy and sympathy as well. I have similar dysfunctions and
have tried and tried again to reach out to them because of this 'need' for
my *family* to understand and accept. Now I'm (generally) passed the point
of even wanting to bother with it. (Hurray!!! :))
>
> On my own I am fine, but around my family I become again, the helpless
> child who cannot say no or defend herself... still alive and in so much
> pain. I am the second youngest of 5 kids.. my younger brother was the baby
> of the family, we all protected him.. but nobody protected me... and I
> dared not show I needed protecting because any vulnerability only
attracted
> more abuse.
We are here protecting you.....my heart hurts to know that this happens to
you and many many blessings will continuously shower you this holiday
season.
>
> Writing these letters to my sister has been like tearing out my own
> liver. Not being able to send them out of fear she will attack me again is
> an awful helplessness. I'm struggling with my own victimhood trying not to
> fall into the trap of "the righteousness of victims". Trying to defend my
> boundaries without going on the offensive while knowing my efforts at
> gentleness mean nothing.
>
> Any admission of vulnerability will be like blood to a shark... so it
> has always been, in my family... and when I write to someone I go into
> empathy with them.. and so I fall into old patterns that I have cleared
> from myself, but are still reflected in others and so become mine again.
>
> All I want for X-mas is to be heard, and accepted for who I am...
> instead of fending off projections of who they think I am. Wanting creates
> experiences of wanting.. so it goes..
Remember "Illusions"? This is what has helped me over the years:
"The bond
that links your true family
is not one of blood, but
of respect and joy in
each other's life.
Rarely do members
of one family grow up
under the same
roof."
Richard Bach
I will be sending you love and hugs. Hope it all goes well.
Peace,
carla
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