To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/12/08 10:42
Subject: [K-list] Re: Voices - Clarification
From: Dianab9
On 2000/12/08 10:42, Dianab9 posted thus to the K-list:
--- You wrote:
> Confusion!
> I am... bloody hell, the title states that I will clarify
> something, but the beginning of my message says otherwise. Talk
> about self-sabotage.....
------------------
Hi. I'm new to the list, but thought I would just jump in because the
voices in the mind is an on-going and recently stronger phenomenon
for me. I thought sharing my experiences might be of some value to
you.
I realized just recently that those thoughts come during moments when
I am experiencing great calm and peacefulness, and especially during
times when I am feeling most loving toward life and others. Then
there they are, saying rude, shocking, mean or condemning things
about me or about others, etc. Very distressing and confusing, and
terribly undermining. I allowed them to send me into despair, into
feelings of great unworthiness. Such a hypocrite I must be, such a
sham this path.
I agree very much with Susan's assessment, that fighting with them
only gets them larger and stronger; loving them and working with them
as parts of myself needing a voice is the way to send them on their
way.
So, one of my main focuses right now is to simply make the effort to
be the calm observer of my weird process. Instead of being upset by
the thoughts and pushing them hastily and heatedly aside, I began to
talk with myself about them. Well, okay, that may be true, but I
choose now to think differently. Well, okay, that's one way to think
about myself, that person, the world, or I used to think that way,
but it's now not my way. And I kindly replace the dark or negative
thought with a loving and generous one. I acknowledge to myself that
I may have committed some "bad" deeds but remind myself that I have
been doing a lot of atoning in one way or another for my misdeeds,
accepting that in some lifetime somewhere or another i have probably
committed all the deadly sins. But not now, and God willing and by
my vow, not again, so there is no need for guilt or shame, no need to
feel unworthy of having a peaceful, kindly state of being.
The result has been that I no longer fear my thoughts, no longer
worry about them. I am Divinity, Light, Love, no matter how hard I
(or those "specks") might try to convince me otherwise. One foot in
front of the other, no matter what.
I remember reading in several places that as we come closer and
closer to awareness of our true self the dark energies in the world
mount a greater and greater offense to prevent us from getting there.
Are those dark energies inside us, parts of ourselves; are they
outside us? In reality, there is no "outside" or "inside," so, right
now, it doesn't much matter to me. I just have to remind myself that
it is unconditional love that dissolves the darkness. I've seen dark
entities hovering around "dark" people--people lost to rage, for
example. I know even they leave in an atmosphere of love and
self-confidence.
I recently heard something that I just loved. We have at least
10,000 states of mind according to the Tibetan Buddhists. One Tibetan
Buddhist said that his goal was to have the "Old Dog" state of mind:
You've seen it, heard it, maybe even done it all or at least heard
about it--in some lifetime or another--and now you don't have to be
excited by it any longer. You are calm, self-confident,
compassionate. There is a Ground of All Being to which we are
returning in our Awareness. No worries.
If you would like to read about a strong experience of "specks"
affecting someone, read Irina Tweedie's _Daughter of Fire_. While
spending time with her Sufi master in India, this older, rather
upright British woman is plagued by weeks and weeks of visions (with
her eyes open, as I recall) of creatures and humans committing every
kind of sexual deviance. She is shocked to her core when the master
tells her that it is stuff inside her from some other life that has
to be calmly acknowledged and accepted, and then let go.
Love,
Diana
1/9698/0/_/680797/_/976297344/
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