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To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/11/28 07:39
Subject: [K-list] Mine or not?
From: José

On 2000/11/28 07:39, José posted thus to the K-list:

Hi listers,

Is it possible that I am working out something that comes from my child-to-be, from others, or myself?
Lately I went into a short manic episode, that I'm through with right now. During this episode I felt things like being banned to a very dark place, left to die with nobody caring any more. The restlessness was going on all the time and I had feelings of being tied up in a hopeless situation. Than I decided to take a foot-bath with some herbal stuff in it, to calm down, which had the opposite effect.
I became angrier and angrier, and felt totally stuck. Finally I screamed some terrible screams, that were apparantly coming from very deep, being so basic ("oer" in dutch, my boyfriend called it) that I scared the hell out of him and my two cats. I was shouting things like: I don't want this, I want to go out...! And I was pushing away with my two "tied-up" hands.Then when I finally took my feet out of the water, I felt so immensely relieved, the anger is out. I know this part is over now, and I could feel my heart open after this.

It was different from other times, when I had clear images of times, situations etc. This time I could only deduct from my body's reactions that I must have been tied up in a terrible situation, left there to die. As soon as death had come, I was so relieved.

Could this be mine, or might it be possibly a situation thet belongs to the beginning child inside me?
One thing that I do know: I understand that these thing always have a connection to my present situation. If I analyze it this way I can understand it very well: With a first child coming, both my partner and me being personal freedom-lovers, it will definitely "tie us up" for the rest of our lives!!!
Still, if anybody could tell me more about this experience, please do.

Byebye, José


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