To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/11/13 16:26
Subject: [K-list] Re: New to List/Hello
From: Michaelf55
On 2000/11/13 16:26, Michaelf55 posted thus to the K-list:
> Hi Michael,
>
> I was curious if you had ever done any serious meditation practice and if
> so what made you so wary of it.
> You are open to Hatha Yoga and energy work but seem to place meditation and
> drugs in the same catagory.
> What have you learned? Sincerely.... from a newcomer too
>
> Mandy
>
Hi Mandy, everyone,
I have been open to all of it and have done both drugs and meditation. It has
been my personal conclusion one can have all sorts of interesting
experiences, but that it is no more than phenomena, no matter how lofty or
spiritual it may seem. I do asanas and energy work because I feel it is
necessary to my well-being and health at this time, but not to attain
enlightenment. To me that is something that cannot be attained through
practices or goals. My view, to give you an idea where I'm coming from, is
more along the lines of the Buddha's understanding that everything is
inherantly empty, including all experiences and phenomena, including
spiritual experiences.
The mind can create all sorts of tricks and blissful states and I believe
that these are as unbalanced in many ways as their opposite - depression and
fear. I think kundalini is probably just a mind-body phenomena, a sort of
release of everything that hinders us from being in our natural state. I
think most get caught in the blissful states and think that is it, but beyond
all this is something altogether different, a state free from conflict and
basically empty of a personal self, even though the body-mind continues to
operate (or else you'd die). I'm sure that bliss in that state is a
completley different kind of thing than the sort of bliss of the senses
(whether gross or subtle) one has with kundalini and certain practices, which
often fade. Spiritual experiences seem to bring another sort of despair (at
least for me), although perhaps more subtle, since like all experiences they
pass away.
I guess what really made me wary was just an inner understanding and the
observation that no matter how many experiences one has, even people who go
through kundalini experiences, are not necesarily "enlightened" or free, but
are just experiencing higher vibratory states of the mind-body. No matter how
expansive, these states still seem to be within the field of the mind-body.
No doubt these ideas will cause a controversy for many, and I have grappled
with it myself for some time, but ultimately seems to come back to this for
me. For me, my burning desire is just to be free and my wariness is of using
spiritual experiences and meditation as a form of escape.
Despite all this, I daily see this blue light (which once manifested
physically over some trees in my back yard), often get violet light
vision-overlays and often see a red light and golden flashes too. All of this
seems to come from some sort of intelligence, and often is accompanied by a
ringing in my ears, as if something is trying to communicate or come through.
It is obviousl yrealted to what is happening with me. I don't know what all
this means for me or how it all fits together yet. It is a confusing path.
What's certain though is that the more I resist or ignore it, the worse my
health gets (nothing severe, just a general deteriation of overall
well-being).
In reading about kundalini, I've experienced many or most of the symptoms,
though I haven't had a full-blown thing as dramatic as many I've read about.
Grief, despair, a romatic relationship, drugs (which I no longer do),
meditation and energy exercises, and the natural course of my life itself and
my willingness all seem to have contributed to this opening. I'm only 25, and
yet I feel old and young, and yet neither. I often like I don't belong here,
either.
Maybe others on this list have similar views or experiences...
Michael
1/9699/2/_/680797/_/974158299/
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