To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/11/06 19:57
Subject: Re: [K-list] for Hilary, where ever .../losing friends
From: Druout
On 2000/11/06 19:57, Druout posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 11/6/00 5:26:30 PM Pacific Standard Time,
jetanoirATnospamhotmail.com writes:
<< Hi, I'm looking for Hilary who has the Shared Transformation Newsletters,
or
anyone else that has the one on loss of friends & grief...
I am going through this myself, really experiencing some changes that are
urging me to lose 'friendships' i've had all my life (not in a bad way, you
understand)...
Any input would be welcome...
>>
Dear Jen,
You've found her :)).
The following is from Shared Transformation issue # 6. I don't think El
would mind if I quoted some excerpts from this beautiful piece. For back
issues of Shared Transformation see below.
Hope this helps.
Love, Hillary
Losing Friends
Over and again, from my own experience and from all those I've spoken with,
one of the more painful issues of the transformational process is the
negative reaction of others. Unfortunately, mainstream Western culture
doesn't understand, recognize or value spontaneous psychospiritual
unfoldment. This serves to amplify the estrangement often felt by those
undergoing these potent experiences.
When I became aware that I was undergoing a spontaneous Kundalini awakening,
I struggled over how to explain this to family and friends. .......
Most of my family had no such framework for accepting what was happening to
me. Understandably their initial reactions were bewilderment and wariness.
My friends did not know what to make of it. A precious few were loyal and
supportive. I was stunned when some of my friends reacted with hostility and
criticism .......
It's unfortunate, as psychiatrist John Perry says, that "At the very time
when one needs loving acceptance one finds oneself either alone or surrounded
by professionals who want to suppress the process and make one conform to the
ways of the former self and former world." [Spiritual Emergency]
People are often alarmed by anything that challenges their belief structure.
I had friends who were so threatened that they refused to have anything more
to do with me. Sadly, this is not an unusual development for those of us who
are undergoing transformation. The majority of people who are having these
intense experiences have told me that many (sometimes all) of their friends
abandoned them. Even more hurtful is the equally common experience of having
close family members pull away.......
Friends may feel hurt or angry when we repeatedly turn down invitations to
social events. Also, as John Nelson mentions, "Attention turns away from
ordinary concerns during [altered states of consciousness]. People may find
it difficult to concentrate on matters that seem important to others."
[Healing the Split]
More painfully, those loved ones who do stand by us may recoil during our
bouts of "emotional kriyas." Christina Grof coined this term to describe the
seemingly inappropriate and overblown emotional reactions that occur in
certain stages of awakening. During these periods, we may feel emotionally
out of control. Our moods may shift so rapidly, and our feelings may be so
volatile or excessive that others are alienated from us. Those of us who are
living on such an emotional roller coaster may be shocked at our own
behavior. Afterwards, we may be plagued with guilt, remorse, or
embarrassment.
Even the most positive side of our experience may disturb others. Our
mystical and psychic insights may seem too weird or incomprehensible to those
we confide in. Our most beautiful experiences may be dismissed as delirium
or hallucinations. Episodes of rapture or revelation may seem "manic" to
those who are not experiencing such things.
With all of this, it seems small wonder that many of the people in our lives
disappear. But I suspect there is a deeper force at work in this common
pattern. Transformation is a cleansing process on all levels of our being.
This is a period of purification in which everything impeding our growth and
fulfillment is eliminated. Inwardly and outwardly, we are in a process of
letting go. Losing our old social network can be an essential part of this
process. We may be forced to turn inward to find a new source of support and
self-validation. Many of us are developing greater levels of personal
autonomy. Rather than depending on external approval and acceptance, we are
being led to trust the spirit within.
Some of our old acquaintances may fail to meet us at our new level of
development, and they will fall away. Others may begin to stretch and grow
along with us. In the long run, it balances out. I often remind myself of
the adage: "For every door that closes, a new one opens." In my own
experience, this has proven true. For every loss, something precious has
been gained. For every friend who has vanished, I've found a wonderful new
friend. It doesn't always happen immediately, but when the time is right,
new people appear. It still hurts to lose people who have been dear to us.
But realizing that this may be ultimately for the best can help us release
others more graciously, and to forgive those who turn against us.
El Collie
back issues $2:00 each. Canada $2.25 each. Elsewhere $2.75 each.
Sun Chariot Press
PO Box 5562
Oakland CA 94605
1/9699/2/_/680797/_/973565837/
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