To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/10/31 07:21
Subject: [K-list] being/not-being (longish)
From: Hbarrett47
On 2000/10/31 07:21, Hbarrett47 posted thus to the K-list:
I've been thinking about teegee's wonderful insight last week (on HS) about
Being wanting to be attached to a body and how this can sometimes lead to
excessive and painful empathy. Yesterday I read this in The Web That Has No
Weaver: "The Consciousness of Potentials (Yi) [an aspect of Spirit] ... has
the task of enabling and supporting new manifestations to come into being.
Because the Yi is insightful, it can understand others and be generous and
extremely aware of the needs of other people and situations ... If Yi lacks
intactness, instead of creative possibilities a person will experience worry,
confusion, exaggerated sympathy ... or uncontrolled and even self-destructive
generosity."
Almost exactly 2 years ago, I had my first, emphatic, explosive, amazing and
joyful experience of the non-existence of the small "me." This came after
nearly 3 years of kundalini arousal. Like so many, I'd thought the
realization would by itself transform me into a perfect jewel of a human
being but, alas, this was only the beginning! Especially the the past few
months, my increasingly sustained experience of non-duality has been
punctuated by perfectly miserable episodes of re-experiencing all the grimier
and messy emotions of my psychological history -- most particularly and
notably those that have to do with not feeling entitled to exist. It finally
dawned on me
(my stubbornness makes me slow) that of course the realization of not-being
would hit the human psyche like a tidal wave and in some cases the subsequent
integration and metamorphosis would be tedious and painful. I feel great
compassion on the part of Whomever designed us this way that I would be
forced to fully honor my beingness at the same time that I recognize that the
small me is not here at all! Having Yi that leaks like a sieve, my tendency
has been to try to accelerate myself into no-me-ness for psychological
reasons and now I'm being told clearly "no, no, you take care of being the
fullest you that you can be, and I'll take care of showing you who you really
are." What a relief, as you can imagine! Love, Holly
/973002095/
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