To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/09/08 17:39
Subject: Re: [K-list]
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2000/09/08 17:39, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 01:55 PM 9/8/00, Gerry Roth wrote:
>I'm new to the group and an infant in my knowledge. Let me apologize ahead
>of time for the lengthy posting. However, thank you in advance for letting
>me tell my story... I hope to receive some sort of guidance.
Welcome. There are many wise and experienced people here, whom I have
no doubt can help you.
>I've been raised very much into the traditional Western Culture. This is
>all so weird. Can't tell you how cleansing it was after many months to find
>out what Kundalini is. And then to find a site devoted to it!
The site exists for people like you, who are awakened spontaneously and
need help understanding what is happening to them. Community of shared
experience, knowing that you are not alone makes it much easier to cope
with the process.
> Well, over this weekend there was a communion
>service...in the middle of it I said "Lord take my will and make it yours".
>I instantly felt like 50lbs came off my back and then I started filling up
>from my crown and tingling all the way down to my toes.
That is classic. Surrendering your life to Divine will is a common
trigger to awakening.
The columns were the same Mystical left
>and "outer church" right but they were miss matched.... And then again...And
>then this knowing came into me as though I had known it all the time...They
>are all the same! And I woke up WIDE awake.
Yes, all religion springs from the same Divine inspiration.
>Before I go any further, need to tell you that the Kundalini really never
>flowed completely through me after those first couple of times. However, I
>continually had this energy in my back and heart chakra and it seemed like
>my adrenals too. It was a whirling energy sometimes warm but usually felt
>like a block of ice on my back.
Cold sensations often are emotional energy releasing.
>Well over the next 2-3 months that I was taking the medication (it was an
>amphetamine), the whirling energy became so great that I often "grounded
>myself on the metal door frame of my office. I could feel the energy flow
>out and I'd slow down and calm.
It may be that the K. was working to clear the medication from your
system.
The second day when I came home my wife confronted me and
>told me she wanted me to go to the stress center. I couldn't believe that
>was God's plan so I asked, "God, If I need to go to the stress center give
>my the number" I walked to the phone and dialed the number that was told to
>me by the still small voice...."St Vincent's Stress Center", was the answer
>on the end of the line!. I hung up and gave in. When they learned I was
>taking an amphetamine they checked my pulse...135! Blood pressure 180/135.
>They gave me something and asked my to come back early next morning. The
>diagnosis was drug induced psychosis. The next day they said I was fine.
Yes, this makes it all the more likely that the energy was working
against the amphetamine. The amphetamine became a kind of resistance, a
blockage that the energy was seeking to clear from your system. When the
medication stopped, the energy slowed down. It has not stopped working on
you, but it is underground where you cannot feel it.
>My concern.....I'm afraid. Was it drug induced or am I really nuts? I know
>the correct answer but the residual feelings of several months ago are still
>intensely there, none the less. I'm hoping you know others that have been
>through this sort of thing.
K. can lead you through some pretty wild rides, especially if combined
with pharmaceuticals. I dont think you are crazy, but I think the
combination of ADD drugs and K. pushed you to the edge of psychosis.. but,
Goddess has it handled. The inner voice sent you to the stress center when
you needed it, and you can trust that.
>Advice.... I want it desperately. I want to get on with my life and get out
>of this "Inbetweenness" of the current state. Books? People? How does one
>live in two worlds?
good question. Not easily, but it can be done. Try to find some kind of
work where you can be self employed, and have a flexible schedule so on the
quiet days you can work, and on the roaring days you can walk in nature and
allow the process to unfold, unhindered. Your inner voice will guide you to
where you need to be. You offered your Free Will to God, and your offer was
accepted. Now you have to make good on your end of the agreement, and
follow where the still small voice guides you.
> Do I just tell everyone important to me that their
>understanding of God and their faith is off base. Their understanding of
>truth and reality is a dream...Of course not.
No, of course not. You don't need to change them, your judgments of
them are really all about you. Let them be who they are, and you be who you
are. In the far east they tell people not to talk about their awakening
experiences.. that does not work so well in the west, we need to talk about
what goes on, to come to terms with it and find balance.. You can express
yourself here, we will listen and understand.
> And how do I explain the
>uncontrolled and unexplainable emotion and tears in the middle of a business
>meeting when someone coldly blurts out "business is business".
I think you are being guided to find other work.. but in the
meantime, talk to your heart voice and ask for mercy, so you can better
cope with the process. Sometimes you can negotiate an arrangement with K.
so that it does not affect you at work, so long as you devote much of your
leisure time to following It's guidance.
> Or the
>pain anguish and separation I experience when a little child cries
>uncontrollably.
Emotions coming up like that, are karma coming up to be released. Just
let them flow without judging them. As time goes on, and your vessel
becomes clearer you will become less sensitive to the triggers and begin to
see the beauty of Divine will in both the pain and the bliss of the human
condition.
Blessings..
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