To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/07/04 19:04
Subject: Re: [K-list] Moving Out
From: new searcher
On 2000/07/04 19:04, new searcher posted thus to the K-list:
>is a mix of karma and timing. Karma: I've done my share of stomping
> >here,.......I apologized soon thereafter (and was criticized for THAT
>by other list members).
yall, i have as much ability to be mean as anybody when i want to, but this
entire post really makes me focus on what is in my heart. for once, i don't
think i'm guilty of stomping this person, so i will speak freely. you can
always hit delete if you don't want to hear my yammering.
usually if i want to know something about a topic i go to the bookstore. i
love books, to me they're like comfort food, i love having books around me.
books of all kinds & books that never leave once they come here. right now i
have an incredible drain on finances but i keep hanging on knowing that
times have been much worse & we're all healthy & contented & we all have
jobs. a 12step slogan "this too shall pass" stays in my mind. it's only
money that's being affected right now, & times have been far worse. my point
is, that books are not in the budget right now, so i found this group to
learn about kundalini until i could get books on the topic. so far, i can't
really say i've learned much, at least not enough to be able to tell you for
sure whether or not the energy of the rising serpent is within my experience
or not.
all i know is that claiming kundalini appears to give license to do or say
anything you want without concern for the effect on others or any need for
apology. i choose to be here because each of you have something to teach me,
otherwise why would i have found my way to this place. i love the
interaction of the list members. the camradery. sometimes it's bantering
with each other like children in a playground, or laughing together, or
learning together, or sharing experiences to help others along. sometimes
it's expressing pain or fear or concern & just wanting to know others are
there & thinking good thoughts our way to support our weakness while we
struggle to find our way. but sometimes it's just plain meanness shot back &
forth.
now, please don't take me wrong, i can be the bitch from hell when i want
to, but i don't understand why anyone would want to come here when it's
clear some of us are just plain mean asses to each other--mean enough to
drive each other into hiding or completely away. why??? is this kundalini???
i'm not siding with anyone, but this person's post reminds me how vulnerable
i am to the same fate. i hide behind my alias because i'm not strong enough
to withstand the meanness from those i've come here to trust. it's my
opinion that the hurt those leaving the list are feeling is betrayal of the
trust they placed in each of us when they came here. betrayal of trust is
the base of the abuses we discussed in an earlier thread. i certainly know
abuse & betrayal of trust. i am as vulnerable as any of them, but am as
capable as most of bringing down those weaker than i. i do not want to be
guilty of betraying the trust thru viciousness for the sake of satisfying my
need/desire to prove myself better than they.
what goes around comes around, so maybe these people are suffering a little
of the karma they've injected into the system, but karma doesn't necessarily
mean they're no longer wanted here, & not everything can be blamed on the
phases of the moon. it takes a big person to offer an apology when they've
hurt someone. apologies are so hard to formulate, so i'd like to keep my
karma plate less cluttered if i can. i came here to learn from yall. i don't
want to be driven away in hurt pain & shame.
as always, a good day to us all, the cowardly new_searcher
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