To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/07/03 22:44
Subject: Re: [K-list] Clarifying my impressions of El's impressions & mo
From: Kathy Bates
On 2000/07/03 22:44, Kathy Bates posted thus to the K-list:
Okay El, folks...another attempt at clear communication,
un-mis-construable communication, if there's any such thing, that is!
<grin>
When I read posts on the K-list that really kick me in the gut (not in
the same way as perhaps the "fuck you" post was affecting some people,
not that way...but those that touch some place in me that
responds/reacts a certain way)...I react...
Sometimes it's anger...sometimes frustration...sometimes
love...sometimes compassion...sometimes just a crawly feeling in my gut
that could be disgust or annoyance...
But the posts that I react to in some way, to which I want to respond...
It seems that lately there has been a big bunch of heated, emotionally
loaded threads on this list. That is, I know, to be expected,
particularly among a bunch of people who feel as though they are
undergoing some spiritual, physical, emotional and mental life changes...
The posts that have "kicked" the most for me have been those that El has
written...And there has to be a good reason for that. What better place
to open up and figure out exactly *why* than here...I know you people
won't pull punches.
The posts that really get reaction from me are particularly those with
the undercurrent of "it's the world against El"..."it's the group
against El and the downtrodden underdogs"...selective perception on my
part? Probably. Still...
And I am trying to come to grips with why I react to these so much. Is
it because I relate to the seeming overreaction, having done precisely
that sort of thing in my past? I have walked away from jobs because in
certain situations I got the wrong end of the stick, misconstrued what
was going on, and got the idea that the other people were "ganging up on
me"...so it's that sort of thing that I am reading here in your posts,
El...that you believe that part of the list is ganging up on you...
I hear the apparent bitterness in the posts...it sounds to me like the
same kind of bitterness I have fought for years, as a "too sensitive"
person, from being miserable about the world's wrongs, about how
hard-done-to I felt, about how hard-done-to I felt others were ... yeah,
I crusaded for the underdogs too, because I felt like one of them.
When I experienced something very unusual for me a couple years ago, I
also found descriptions of the experience on the internet, and those
descriptions led me to mailing lists like this one...the road was never
smooth, there was always a variety of posts...the highly intellectual
sounding jargony posts...the emotional pleas for help...inevitable
misunderstandings...repeated information for new subscribers who haven't
heard it all before...
From all sorts of people, most of whom I know nearly nothing about,
other than what I have read in their posts or on web pages where they
have written about themselves...not much in common...
Except that we are possibly sort of all looking for a common ground of
some sort on which to sort out what life has handed us in the way of
personal spiritual growth, in the way of energy rising that has made
things different for us than it seems to be for other people who haven't
experienced Kundalini energy flowing through them...
Why does this recent stuff (particularly the El posts of recent) bug me
more than what has come before?
Perhaps because a lot of it seems to point to a perceived power struggle
between people who "should know better" (I put quotes there because it's
my perception that most people on this list want to share, want to
learn, want to grow, not want to control or be holier-than-thou or
more-enlightened-than thou...)...
This is not a "why can't we all get along" post...it's just my own
probably not very-well-crafted attempt to understand just what it is
that's getting under my skin so bad at the moment...and what to do about it.
I don't expect us to all agree, to all get along, to all accept one
another unconditionally, nor to love each other unconditionally...hell,
we're human beings, and we come from all over the place, all sorts of
different backgrounds...and a lot of us have pretty deep emotional
scarring to deal with...
But somehow, what's going on now, whether it can be written off as the
summer crazies, the sometimes maddening side-effects of Kundalini, or
just fucked up human nature in action...it's bugging me something crazy.
Blessings, dammit! <grin>
Kath
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