To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/07/03 06:49
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Love the Enemy
From: new searcher
On 2000/07/03 06:49, new searcher posted thus to the K-list:
Lou, this is one of the most beautiful discourses on fatherhood I've ever
read. Your children are very fortunate to have a dad who sees them with such
love. Thank you for sharing with us.
My children's father chose to walk away 20 years ago. 18months & 4years old.
said family was too much for him. He left us, remarried a year later, two
more children, incested the daughter, divorced again. I've never made a lot
of money, but always had my kids in sports, music, some private school
years, braces... whatever I could get for them to make their lives better.
Most kids take things like that for granted, but my children knew what it
took to get the good stuff for them. He wouldn't help because "you did it,
so you pay for it". I've collected very little child support, most of it the
last five years when the courts got involved. He loves taking credit for how
well the children turned out, but had almost no input into their lives.
Demanded respect (& a gift) one year for father's day, they told him he'd
done nothing to deserve their respect. Of course, it's my fault they don't
fall down & worship at his feet, it has nothing to do with their knowing how
hard their lives were coming up. I stuck to them, but there were many times
when running away would have been easier for me, but I knew they would
suffer & I would be overridden with guilt. Now that they are grown, it's
really a great feeling to know that I did right by them. My children are
realists because I've taught them to be so, sometimes it is directed at
me..."Mom, you're toasted-- again, why didn't you use sunscreen? or Mom,
that's bullshit!" It's great relating to them as adults, but knowing they'll
call me if they need my knowledge or experience, but it's usually my truck
they want. My children say my I am different (happier) since I decided last
year to not pursue the arrearage any more. He said I'd never collect, but
two arrests & the courts charging him with flagrant non-support...I think I
made my point. The kids know their dad is a loser & they know which of us
kept the promises. I have my children's respect, & that's worth more than
any amount of money. Thanks, Lou, for your writing. You did have a choice &
you chose well. Thank you so much for being a good dad. new_searcher
>I learned my love as a father.I had no role model, I had no choice but to
>become a true dad, there was no one telling me how so I looked inside and
>found out. I sure had a lot of lessons on what not to do. There was
>nothing
>I could have wished for or desired that wasn't already a gift for me to be
>the channel for these wonderful spirits called by children. I learned with
>my children, thay taught me, that they weren't my children, as Kilbran
>says,
>I only brought them here and took care of them until they could carry on,
>I
>was their charge, to get them through and my joy was in just being with
>these
>hold angels growing up. There was no judgment, whatever they did was
>perfect, however they looked was beautiful, whatever they said was
>appropriate to be corrected by me or life or to learn from it. There is
>not
>one second I would take and alter in anyway from my days of raising my
>wonderful children. They were helpless and needed me, how could I not love
>them no matter what the next moment might bring. I loved them as I loved
>myself and their love for me, their dependence, and giggles, and total
>trust
>in me, taught me to love myself.
>
>There was only one way to be and that was to do the right thing always.
>
>A loving dad who learned how to love.Thats how I got my taste.
>Lou
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