To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/28 06:51
Subject: Re: [K-list] Abuse Poll
From: new searcher
On 2000/06/28 06:51, new searcher posted thus to the K-list:
I'm feeling nostalgic this morning. I'd like to share something Counselor
once said that has helped me understand the different ways people deal with
abuse.
"Two people take a trip leaving from the same point headed for the same
destination. They travel by different modes, take different routes, & arrive
at the same place at different times."
There was a great deal of various abuses in my background, but I believe the
effects of incest & other sexual abuse left the most harmful scars for me to
overcome. For several years I was the contact person for an incest survivor
group. People unwilling to attend a group were often willing to talk on the
phone...so they'd call me. Most of them would want me to share "my story". I
soon learned that this made them doubt their own recovery, thinking their
stories weren't as credible as mine because their details weren't as bad or
horrible as mine (kind of like, poor poor me, & shame on them for even
thinking their abuse was bad.)
Counselor said their self-judgment was clouded by fear that they weren't
"doing recovery right". Once he explained that different people choose
different paths to their healing, I no longer felt the need to share the
details when they asked. I have travelled my path for a long time often
stepping to a different drummer. I'm an oddball.
Counselor had great wisdom in dealing with me tho he had no first-hand
experience with abuse. He readily admitted his inadequacy with the subject &
would often ask me about books or whatever I thought might be helpful to
another of his clients. Sometimes he would link us up to help each other
along. I asked him once why he let me keep coming there when he didn't know
anything about abuse...he said "I'm a man, I'm older, & I'm a preacher. You
need healing from all three, & I know you will suffer no abuse here". I
couldn't understand why he cried at some of the stories. I believe it was
his empathy for the little girl I was & the damaged woman I became, that
meant so much in my healing experience. Counselor's long since retired, but
I believe he'd be pleased to know I'm still out there searching for other
oddballs to complete my experience!!!!!
Thanks a bunch & I consider myself to be in good company. new_searcher
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