To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/21 15:50
Subject: Re: [K-list] Mia beware........LOLOL
From: Wim Borsboom
On 2000/06/21 15:50, Wim Borsboom posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Lynda
You wrote:
>I became aware of my heart pounding in my chest as I read your reply to New
>Searcher, so I guess your words have brought up stuff for me that I need to
>deal with, so I'm writing this 'spur of the moment' like. ( so might be a
>little incoherent )
>As I read I found myself spluttering, whatting! and 'get real' ing. Then I
>started to say to my self, Justice weighs all things in the balance, and
>waits till the arguements ended, 'cos then there's no need for a sentence,
>all her judgements are suspended. Trying to 'step back' from the feeling,
>that I just ( interesting phrase) wanted to express anger and shout
>poppycock!
>I got up and had a pace about my living room, and some of the words you had
>written felt like they had come walking with me, they were -
I wrote:
>>... Rejection is of course not a factual thing as nobody gets really
>>annihilated when rejected
Lynda,
I understand your feelings well, your reaction is what some of my posts
elicit, and please do not take me wrong I appreciate your feelings as they
are real. Also I appreciate that there may be something that I did not clear
up well enough in that post. I have written about that a few years ago
though..., I was a rejected child at the end of WWII, so I know what you are
talking about... However *I* was rejected, it happened to *me*, I did not
see it happen to another child. The way such an experience is worked through
is totally different for the subject than for a person who, by seeing this
happen, gets instilled by fear and sympathy. That is a totally different
process, exactly
that process (except for the sympathy) that the perpetrators of abuse want
to instil.
I did not mind too much what other ppl. thought about my rejection, I did
not need sympathy... Sympathy of a certain kind and pity did not work then
and do not work now.
Most sympathy and the thoughts that surround that feeling are fear driven
and in those early days of mine, those feelings and thoughts added to my
pain for sure.
The experience of the witness to a dramatic event is not the same as what
the subject of that dramatic event undergoes. I had the hardest time
throwing off the well-meant but pitiful sympathy that kept me a victim, in
order for the real healing to start. I had to find a way to survive by
myself and not being carried as a babe in arms through external nursing....
apparently it worked. I had to learn to overcome the fear of losing
sympathy, and other fears that still activated my nightmares. Eventually I
freed myself from those illusive, suffering-laden and fearful episodes and
freed myself.
The feelings of witnesses cannot be denied but they are totally based on
what fear drives on:
"If you do this.... then you will be punished."
"If that happens... then you will have pain."
"What you see happening here, will also happen to you or you child, if
you....."
"If you don't do what I want you to do... then I will reject, kill,
maim,etc... you."
This type of fear dynamism is totally hypothetical however,
fixed though it maybe in the mind and lodged as stresses in the body. So I'm
not denying the reality of the feeling and the stresses, they are real but
to undo those stresses one has to gain clarity and insight in how those
fears were
instilled, one has to see the dynamics and then one will free oneself....
Curses, spells, damnation, punishment, excommunication all use that illusive
version of horrific reality to get you to walk in line or follow the dogma.
That illusive version of reality will eventually look more real than the
obvious or evident reality. The power abuser has then reached victory over
the victim.
It took me many years to see reality and throw off the illusion of
conditional suffering ...
The Buddha (Siddharta Gautama Shakyamuni) said the following:
"The way people normally live life is through the dynamics of fear and
suffering."
"Fear and suffering are illusion"
"We can liberate ourselves from illusion by recovering the truth and the
simplicity of reality."
Those are the noble truths. It was kind of him to say that :-)
The way I did recover reality is the way I keep describing it in my posts so
that some ppl. may be helped by it. Maybe sometimes I am not so kind, but
then, it is not easy work as the power-monger's spell still hangs over those
ppl. who want to liberate themselves from that abuser (who at some point
even fades into anonymity. Also a seemingly victorious power abuser also
always includes something like: "If you try to get free I will harm you even
more... "
Although I appreciate the witnesses's (mother, father, nurse and nuns)
sympathies, those 'good' feelings were also packaged in hatred... that is
understandable, of course,... but carrying on with the hatred only led me to
reprisals that I took out on my mother and brother(s) etc. Those fights had
repercussions that only extended the fear, hatred and maliciousness.....
just like it would, on a larger scale, extend into wars, more wars and
genocide.
What is important to me is how *I* processed it. In the first place I went
through a near death experience then, so that made the whole situation
totally different.
In my practice now, I deal a lot with people who have
experienced same, rejection to the point of death, repeated suicide attempts
and repressed or misunderstood memories of an early near death experience.
Needless to say it took me an enormous amount of after-experience to make
sense of my early tribulations. I have various times, before and after the
one I just described, gone through NDE's, altogether 7 times. During the
last one I could finally decide in all freedom to stay alive on this, our
good earth, the other 6 times I was sometimes forcefully, sometimes
humoristically nudged or pushed back to life. I must have been thick and
stubborn to need so many times.
I believe that in one of my early posts I described what happened to me in
that
occupied hospital, and what my feelings and experiences were, how I worked
it out. I was rejected and supposed to die from the diphtheria and dysentery
by the German overseer. I had for the longest time nightmares about that
situation...
until I worked it through hypnosis and compassion...
When I wrote:
>> Rejection is of course not a factual thing as nobody get really
>>annihilated when rejected.
Of course, and I may not have chosen my words well, rejection is a real
action and painful, even if it is just a threat. The fear though that
surrounds it, the eternal aspect of it, the absolute damnation, the
annihilation is NOT TRUE.
During that early experiences of myself being discarded, thrown away
literally, I discovered that the only thing that is the truth is that death
does not exist.... that was my discovery... Also I, the self, was not
affected... Next thing that I remember is that that German overseer had an
immense amount of love in his face as he remembered his own little boy in
Germany and as he saw him in my eyes, even right at that moment of his
heinous act. When I had worked this out, by retrieving and integrating all
my memories, some through hypnosis, some through sewing together flashes of
memory, some while recounting my nightmarish dreams, when I eventually gave
my wife and son an account of this at the breakfast table one morning, this
man came to me... appearing... over the shoulder of my wife, at the moment
of my dissolution of fear and hatred and he was absolved from all
wrongdoing...
THAT IS HOW IT WORKS
Love,
Wim
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