To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/20 08:28
Subject: Re: [K-list] energy
From: Divine Goddess
On 2000/06/20 08:28, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Karen,
>
> An hour after that exercise I walked past a mirror and was startled
> at my reflection. My eyes were two clear crystal pools looking back
> at me. I saw my soul. The structure of my face had changed. It was
> more open. I was transformed on a deep physical level. A layer of
> crap over my essential self had burned away.
You write:
Isn't that amazing?! I've seen that too, but I forget about it and
get into thinking maybe someday I will be beyond feeling anger and
needing to express it. so far...wrong!
Susan responds:
I don't think there will ever be a time we will not need the power of
anger in our lives...at least while we are human. Even animals need
anger. Anger is therapeutic...it's over and it's done. Rage is
not...suppressed over years it will kill us and those around us.
Anger, for me is a primary emotion like fear and joy. Each carries a
different energy.
>
> I have walked around in many rooms for that anger exercise seeing
> hundreds of people go thru it. I did it month after month for six
> years....screaming anger out...screaming... each time always finding
> something deeply hidden in me. After each time, feeling as if
someone
> took a scrubbing brush and wiped all the ickies and uncleaness off
of
> me.
>
Karen writes:
I'm thinking I wonder what would come up if I did this? Even without
the exercise, stuff comes up spontaneously...after repressing it for
hours, days, months, years...and it is incredibly cleansing and
freeing to get real with myself and beyond the bullshit that I try to
tell myself, and in "It's okay...they didn't mean it... I'm just
being too sensitive" till one day, one moment, I realize I am mad as
Hell about that, It's not okay, I don't CARE if they didn't mean
it.... And then, it's gone; because I recognized it, and felt it.
And yeah, you/I look in the mirror,and I think "Oh there you are!"
and I realized I haven't really been there for a while.
Susan responds: I am of the school of expressing how you feel
spontaneously in the moment. In the beginning, it can be rough on the
hearers around you until they understand you are learning to express
yourself without censoring yourself. I don't think anyone should
apologize for what they are feeling. Granted there is an art form to
expressing that without being a victim. Instead of saying, 'You did
this to me...you made me feel like this' try saying, "I feel bad when
this happens or when you say this." It's subtle but there is a
different energy around it. Own your own feelings, for creating them.
No one else creates them for you.
It is important to realize that you can't feel anything unless you
give yourself permission to feel that way. Now, we may have been
conditioned to respond to certain triggers and point fingers at
others because it makes us feel a certain way, but we have free will
and a choice and we can choose to learn to respond in a different way
or not even respond at all....it just takes practice.
> No one could leave the room while the exercise was going on..it
> violated the feeling of safety. AND all the instructors and staff
had> to do the exercise too. We just didnt watch we participated. We
would> never ask a student to do anything that we werent willing to do
> ourselves.
>
> And do you think that the instructors or the staff always wanted to
> participate? NO WAY! but they went anyway whether they liked it or
> not. That creates more the feeling of safety.
>
Karen writes:
I REALLY like that the instructors had to participate too! really
really like it.I am studying psychology, and I don't like the way
it's done; the counselor is the expert, and the client has a problem;
something is wrong with them.
Susan responds:
It is all about vulnerablity and creating a safe place to heal. If I
can be vulnerable and share from my heart in 'unsafe' situations,
others learn that they can to. It is an acceptable risk for emotional
health, IMO. Until people know that safety begins in their heart, we
will have to create safe places outside ourselves. Because I know I
am always safe no matter what, it gives me unbounded freedom to share
about how I feel in the moment regardless what other people think or
feel. I do it on the list all the time. I do it in more public
places all the time too. Expressing my sense of safety makes others
feel safe too.
Karen writes:
The counselor can stay safe and not share their fears, weaknesses,
etc. The good ones do, I think, but they don't have to. Or in my
case right now, the instructors. The students must analyze
themselves, talk about themselves, but the instructors don't. The
good ones do, but they don't have to. It sets it up as if they are
beyond that, or that someday you too can be beyond this...whatever
the problem is.
Susan responds: I think not sharing at the level where the students
are is crap and cruel and denial. We are all at the same level as
human beings, of the same value. Some of the most fucked up,
dysfunctional people I have ever met are those in the healing
profession. They wear the badge 'wounded healer' with pride. Ick. And
some of the most beautiful people I have ever met are in the healing
profession.
When I was a nurse, I was told not to enter into a person's fantasy.
Sometimes yes, somtimes no, particularly dealing with elderly people.
I read a newletter where the author brought his senile mother in the
nursing home stacks of paper money so she would not worry about being
poor cause she had lots of money. That made me cry.
When I was a seminar leader, not a therapist, the ability to sit with
someone and share their tears was tantamount to a beginning for them
to move forward. Now there are times when people do slip into the
victim thing but hey don't we/I all do that? A sentence or two was
all that was needed to change their perspective.
I used to spend all my time in the hole of my wounds. It took me
long, long (years) of practice to get to the edge of the hole and get
one foot out. It took a long time after that to get both feet out and
walk away...Victim...to Survivor...to just plain human being.
Obviously, at least to me, we all have stuff around victim stuff,
otherwise we wouldn't be making long posts like this :) As long as I
feel I must post over the issue of being a victim, for me, I still
aint over my victim stuff.
karen writes:
I have also participated in some other things where the instructor
participated just as much as the students did, and it was so great; no
hierarchy. I felt closer to the instructor and also felt better
myself for not "having it all together".
Susan responds:
Such freedom, isnt it, knowing that not being perfect is OK?
Karen writes:
I live in an apartment, so I have to drive in my car to scream at the
top of my lungs. It's great!I used to use a plastic bat and beat the
bed with it. Sometimes my arms and shoulders hurt for a few days
afterward. Maybe I'll give it and try again and see what happens.
A friend of mine shared another strategy. Again designed for living
in an apartment where you want to keep the noise level down, but
still get to release. She would close the drapes on her patio door,
then take a newspaper and whip it as hard as she could at it. The
drapes muted the sound, but you stillget to throw things around and
not hurt anything.
Susan responds:
Very cool. Physical action and yelling are important. Putting a
pillow over my face is what i do... Pounding on your dashboard with
something other than your fist would be good too. Just make sure you
are not actually driving. :)
Blessings,
Susan
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