To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/18 09:25
Subject: Re: [K-list] energy
From: huka9802:First huka9802:Last
On 2000/06/18 09:25, huka9802:First huka9802:Last posted thus to the K-list:
----- Original Message -----
From: <divine_goddessATnospamhotmail.com>
>
> I have these experiences about energy that I wanted to share.
>
> About eight years ago I was leading and participating in a lot of
> intense seminars that included anger excercises.
>
<snip> (is that how it's done? to let you know there was more in between
here)
> The second time I did the exercise I hurt my arm so bad from hitting
> the table I had to wear a sling for a week. I screamed so loud I lost
> my voice for two days. I screamed about never having a voice for my
> anger. I screamed about not knowing I had the right to be angry. I
> screamed about how no one listened to me, how no one cared.
>
> An hour after that exercise I walked past a mirror and was startled
> at my reflection. My eyes were two clear crystal pools looking back
> at me. I saw my soul. The structure of my face had changed. It was
> more open. I was transformed on a deep physical level. A layer of
> crap over my essential self had burned away.
Isn't that amazing?! I've seen that too, but I forget about it and get into
thinking maybe someday I will be beyond feeling anger and needing to express
it. so far...wrong!
>
> I have walked around in many rooms for that anger exercise seeing
> hundreds of people go thru it. I did it month after month for six
> years....screaming anger out...screaming... each time always finding
> something deeply hidden in me. After each time, feeling as if someone
> took a scrubbing brush and wiped all the ickies and uncleaness off of
> me.
>
I'm thinking I wonder what would come up if I did this? Even without the
exercise, stuff comes up spontaneously...after repressing it for hours,
days, months, years...
and it is incredibly cleansing and freeing to get real with myself and
beyond the bullshit that I try to tell myself, and in "It's okay...they
didn't mean it... I'm just being too sensitive"
till one day, one moment, I realize I am mad as Hell about that, It's not
okay, I don't CARE if they didn't mean it.... And then, it's gone;
because I recognized it, and felt it. And yeah, you/I look in the mirror,
and I think "Oh there you are!" and I realized I haven't really been there
for a while.
> No one could leave the room while the exercise was going on..it
> violated the feeling of safety. AND all the instructors and staff had
> to do the exercise too. We just didnt watch we participated. We would
> never ask a student to do anything that we werent willing to do
> ourselves.
>
> And do you think that the instructors or the staff always wanted to
> participate? NO WAY! but they went anyway whether they liked it or
> not. That creates more the feeling of safety.
>
I REALLY like that the instructors had to participate too! really really
like it.
I am studying psychology, and I don't like the way it's done; the counselor
is the expert, and the client has a problem; something is wrong with them.
The counselor can stay safe and not share their fears, weaknesses, etc. The
good ones do, I think, but they don't have to. Or in my case right now, the
instructors. The students must analyze themselves, talk about themselves,
but the instructors don't. The good ones do, but they don't have to. It
sets it up as if they are beyond that, or that someday you too can be beyond
this...whatever the problem is.
I have also participated in some other things where the instructor
participated just as much as the students did, and it was so great; no
hierarchy. I felt closer to the instructor and also felt better myself for
not "having it all together".
> So now that you know the room set up, what did I discover in my front
> row seat all those years? Anger is only ...energy.
>
<snip>
>
> Anger transforms like quick brush fire, it comes and goes, it's gone.
> Renewal arises for new growth, new discoveries, a new freedom.
>
> You know what I do sometimes still? Particularly, when my life feels
> stagnant. I roll up two sheets of newpaper (long way) and start
> beating a table to death, making as much noise as I can screaming at
> the top of my lungs, expressing my anger to the universe.
>
> Yep, I feel clean afterwards all right. Bright and shiny new.
I live in an apartment, so I have to drive in my car to scream at the top of
my lungs.
It's great!
I used to use a plastic bat and beat the bed with it. Sometimes my arms and
shoulders hurt for a few days afterward. Maybe I'll give it and try again
and see what happens.
A friend of mine shared another strategy. Again designed for living in an
apartment where you want to keep the noise level down, but still get to
release.
She would close the drapes on her patio door, then take a newspaper and whip
it as hard as she could at it. The drapes muted the sound, but you still
get to throw things around and not hurt anything.
Karen, SS
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