To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/17 23:06
Subject: [K-list] energy
From: Divine Goddess
On 2000/06/17 23:06, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
I don't get to post much anymore cos they put up a smart filter at
work so we can't access public email sites.
Normally, what I do at work is collect a check for surfing the
internet and reading the lists I belong to. Oh and sometimes when
people call I tell them they need a new battery for their caller ID
box.... hahhaha
Now I just mainly surf and fall asleep in front of my monitor or read
three or four books a day. (Eek, I hope my boss isnt on this list).
Anyways...
I have these experiences about energy that I wanted to share.
About eight years ago I was leading and participating in a lot of
intense seminars that included anger excercises.
We used to get people worked up in a frenzy (this also included the
leaders) to a state of fury. We used rolled up newspapers as sticks
to beat on tables (make lotsa noise like wild uncivilized people) and
play VERY LOUD military japanese drum music. Whew, the energy was
thick.
When people were whipped up to a frenzy that they and we thought
suitable (we hoped the veins were standing out in their neck and
their eyes were popping out of their head by that time) they were to
step up to the mark and shout, "You want to know what makes me mad"
and the audience shouts back, "Yeah! we want to know what makes you
mad! Then the person says, "Do you really want to know what makes me
mad?" The audience reponds, "yeah! we really want to know what makes
you mad!!!"
And for a third time, the person would yell at the top of their
lungs, "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT MAKES ME MAD!!!?!!!!" And the
audience would scream back at them, "YEAH, WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW
WHAT MAKES YOU MAD!!!!!!"
The person responds, "WHAT REALLY MAKES ME MAD IS..............!!!!"
And out would come the most amazing stuff for about 30 seconds. I
never really heard what people said, they were screaming so hard.
It is interesting to walk around in a room like that when an exercise
is going on.
Some people can barely hold their pounding stick in their hands, let
alone beat it against the table more than a tap a tap. When they get
up to the mark to say what makes them mad....some can't say anything,
just standing there like a lost little mute child. Some dissolve into
tears. For some people we had to hold the stick in their hands and
help them go thru the motions. Some like me, who the first time I did
it said, "I don't know what makes me mad. I don't know how to get
mad," in a small wonderous voice.
The first time I did it I remember cringing each time a paper bat
would slam down on the table. I remember hugging myself when each
angry word was shouted out by others. I remember biting down so hard,
clenching my teeth when other people were screaming.' I remember
feeling each emotion, each word as a physical blow. 'Were they
screaming at me? What did I do?' are the thoughts that came up in my
head.
The second time I did the exercise I hurt my arm so bad from hitting
the table I had to wear a sling for a week. I screamed so loud I lost
my voice for two days. I screamed about never having a voice for my
anger. I screamed about not knowing I had the right to be angry. I
screamed about how no one listened to me, how no one cared.
An hour after that exercise I walked past a mirror and was startled
at my reflection. My eyes were two clear crystal pools looking back
at me. I saw my soul. The structure of my face had changed. It was
more open. I was transformed on a deep physical level. A layer of
crap over my essential self had burned away.
I have walked around in many rooms for that anger exercise seeing
hundreds of people go thru it. I did it month after month for six
years....screaming anger out...screaming... each time always finding
something deeply hidden in me. After each time, feeling as if someone
took a scrubbing brush and wiped all the ickies and uncleaness off of
me.
I watched hundreds of people with hundreds of reactions. I saw the
shrinking violets, the white light bunnies, and the strong, quiet
types whose insides were ripped out by the displays of anger,
writhing in sympathetic pain. I saw monstrous, violent displays of
pure, unadulterated rage that frightened the strong of heart. I saw
everything in between. I saw people throw up. I saw people reach
transcendence and attain nirvana (We had to hold them down to keep
from floating away).
My mentors told me if I really wanted the essence, the distillation
of the pure principle of this exercise, to go sit in the front row,
only inches from the screaming contorted tortured looking faces and
deeply immerse myself in the experience. Ever been in a room with
over 50 people screaming in anger at the top of their lungs while
beating on tables with sticks and shreds of paper float thru the air?
Its very frightening, terrifying to the unititiated.
And I did. I watched hundreds of people from less than one foot away
go thru one of the most intimate emotions known to humankind...anger.
It's way more intimate than sex. Anybody can have sex, how many can
have anger? Anger is our last taboo.
What did I discover in my front row seat?
Well...first of all I must tell you that we spent two days preparing
the students for this particular exercise (although known knew when
they signed up it was part of the course). We created a place of
absolute safety because what most people don't know is that safety
comes from inside their heart not from outside boundaries.
If people don't feel safe they won't express intimate emotions like
anger. During the exercise we had made previous agreements that no
one was allowed to go crazy. A person has a choice about going crazy.
When a person feels that boundary coming, don't cross it.
Next, no throwing of the sticks or hurting anyone or yourself. You
can bounce and jump and scream as loud and curse as obscenely as you
want, but no moving from your mark.
No one could leave the room while the exercise was going on..it
violated the feeling of safety. AND all the instructors and staff had
to do the exercise too. We just didnt watch we participated. We would
never ask a student to do anything that we werent willing to do
ourselves.
And do you think that the instructors or the staff always wanted to
participate? NO WAY! but they went anyway whether they liked it or
not. That creates more the feeling of safety.
So now that you know the room set up, what did I discover in my front
row seat all those years? Anger is only ...energy.
I could sit in the seat and just feel the waves of it flow over me. I
would practice non-resistance and it would wash over me like a hot
wind and keep on going and leave me untouched.
After the exercise was over, we would lay people on the floor, turn
the lights low and then play, "the greatest love of all". People
sobbing, crying, laughing, smiling, ecstatic in their vulnerablity of
intimacy... feeling emotions they never felt before or never knew
they could, all in a safe place where they would never be judged for
expressing how they felt in the moment.
Anger is emotion, only energy. Positive, negative spin on it? Nope,
just energy like excitement, like fear, like passion, like.....
What is your perception? It is only energy.
Anger transforms like quick brush fire, it comes and goes, it's gone.
Renewal arises for new growth, new discoveries, a new freedom.
You know what I do sometimes still? Particularly, when my life feels
stagnant. I roll up two sheets of newpaper (long way) and start
beating a table to death, making as much noise as I can screaming at
the top of my lungs, expressing my anger to the universe.
Yep, I feel clean afterwards all right. Bright and shiny new.
Blissings,
Susan
------------------------------------------------------------------------
/4123/5/_/680797/_/961308386/
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.