To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/16 09:13
Subject: [K-list]
From: Rustle
On 2000/06/16 09:13, Rustle posted thus to the K-list:
Hello everyone, How are we today? It's a beautiful day in semi-sunny London,
sitting at my desk staring into space.
I have lurked on this list long enough, I now feel almost ready to relate
some of my strange awakenings. This is also my virgin post to any list ever,
and what better place?
You see, I find it very hard to express my feelings to others, even my best
friends and parents. I prefer to learn from observing others' experiences
and then relating them to mine. It works because I get a very high degree of
'mirroring', i.e When I read certain posts it feels like someone has written
the mail specifically tailored for me. Or when I am talking to someone about
somebody else, what they say penetrates so deeply into my thoughts that I am
listening and placing myself subconciously on the recieving end as if I was
the person being spoken about. This happens whether it is something nice
they are saying, or more often than not something hard that needs to be
said. A great deal of my solutions come this way.
But.., sometimes my mind loses control when this happens, and the feelings I
recieve from others turn against me, into a very severe paranoia. Even if
they say something totally positive toward me, I will end up processing it
negatively, enhancing it and inflicting the comments, feelings and looks
they are expressing against myself. Then, the more I try and stop it or
think about trying to stop it the stronger it grows and turns me into this
double thinking non talking invalid, if you can understand my terminology. I
feel I just need to get away into a very large space where there are no
other forces. It has been puzzling me a while, and was wondering if anyone
else has experienced anything similar.
On the positive side though, it also works through music or television or
any medium that can be taken and related to self. Most of my 'co-incidences'
are through music. I will be reading a book or talking to someone about a
topic and the lyrics of a song on the radio or the whole song will contain a
blatent message that backs up what I am reading, or talking about at that
time. To begin with I thought it was a co-incidence, but it happens so often
now that I think some of the radio stations were written for me, but that is
a very big ego statement, but it works!
Greetings, Rustle
Anyone can be angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to
the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right
way- this is not easy.
Aristotle
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