To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/13 02:46
Subject: Re: [K-list] stifled
From: v

So far within my experiences - I think most people find neediness as
a real turn-off.
   This could be a cutting edge opinion, but when everyone is needy
themselves, it is only from a non-needy person that we can ever get
support.
  Granted - I am as confused about it as the next guy, but in my case I
find it nearly impossible to ask for any kind of help. It's fine to
give help, just not need help.
   In a way, it seems like a form of a "control issue" - not asking for
help because of the chance that we won't get help.
   So how can we be at a mutual stand-off & neither one is needy or
help, or otherwise?
v

DodopATnospamaol.com wrote:
>
> In a message dated 6/10/2000 5:13:57 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
> david.bozziATnospamsnet.net writes:
>
> << we persist because we need it so badly--"we need the eggs."
>
> Do we need the neediness?
>
> >>
>
> Yes, I think we do. This is the thing that draws us to another individual to
> create that intense pair bonding that can transform your life and (if you're
> lucky) last a lifetime. It's also how we make new people. Without the need,
> you wouldn't make the effort. You'd relate to everyone about the same way as
> you relate to the people at work--in kind of a friendly, beneficient
> way--without any intensity.
>
> By the way, that neediness and longing is built into the species--it comes
> with the territory and the hormones. Otherwise, you'd keep living with your
> mom and dad forever. When those hormones kick in at around 7th grade, that's
> when you go nuts! Ask any middle school teacher! The hormones make you
> lonely, horny, angry at your parents, feeling misunderstood, etc. Eventually
> you end up looking for a mate.
>
> I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. If it didn't work, we
> wouldn't have 6 billion people on the planet. Maybe it works a little too
> well! : D
>
> Isadora

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