To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/12 20:16
Subject: Re: [K-list] Stifled, zen zen and zing zing
From: new searcher
On 2000/06/12 20:16, new searcher posted thus to the K-list:
>From: <ravensdawnATnospamearthlink.net>
> I have another adjustment to make: I was recently diagnosed with
> >prostate cancer and because of the stage it's in, the doctors say that
> >aggressive surgery is my only option.
I read a few years ago that this type of surgery, on average, only
lengthened one's life expectancy by six months as opposed to not having the
surgery. The writer's opinion was that quality of life was often reduced due
to the side-effects of surgery, but that each person should study to make an
informed choice.
>I've never been put to sleep or cut open.
I'm 47. In December I had elective surgery. First time for me to be put to
sleep & I was terrified (childhood issues). Confessed my fear to the
anesthesiologist, & he was very thorough in explaining to me what to expect.
I won't be afraid of being put to sleep again.
> I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I'm just hoping that >nobody
>on this list takes love for granted. I hope that none of us get >so secure
>and insulated in our peaceful, mystical cocoons that we miss >that special
>glance from a stranger on the street. Whether it be one >of passing desire,
>confident admiration or one out of helpless need, >we could be missing an
>invitation to the greatest adventure. Love, so >wonderfully unpredictable.
>But whether it's realized or disappointed, >is there anyone on this list
>who can say it's not worth the gamble?
> Life really is short.
You say things so beautifully. I think it's life I take for granted, rather
than love. I braggingly joked when the "i love you" virus was going around
that nobody loved me (meaning I didn't get infected with the virus). At the
same time I was painfully aware of how much truth was in the jest. No matter
what joy love brings, at some point pain is part of the package--ranging
from an isolated incident bringing pain for a moment, to the broken heart
from losing a loved one. Thus far for me, the worst pain I've experienced
thru love has been when I became aware that I was not loved or no longer
loved. To love is to risk the pain of losing that love, & I've insulated
myself from the risk because I didn't have the courage to bear the pain.
It's easier & less pain & disappointment to give to others than to risk
accepting for myself.
I am so sorry to hear your sad news on both counts, but am glad you chose to
share. I use my alias, new_searcher, as a shield to hide behind so that no
one knows who in case I pull a stupid. At this moment the shield isn't
working. My heart hurts not only for you, but for me as well. Me, because I
hide in more ways than this, to avoid the pain of acceptance.
May something good come from this bad. You are a blessing to us.
new_searcher
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