To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/12 11:38
Subject: Re: [K-list] Love
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2000/06/12 11:38, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 06:54 AM 6/11/00 -0400, meeradji wrote:
>Hi everybody,
>
>for me the biggest breakthrough ( at least for now) on the topic of love
relationships was to realize that love is no feeling and has nothing to do
with emotions but is a state of being.
Yessssssss!! True unconditional love feels like nothing. Witness-state
emotionless. It is un-conditional.. without conditions. It's conditional
love that the romance novels are about.. love + fear makes Romeo and Juliet.
>The English language by the way demonstrates it as well. you say: " BEING
IN love" , you don't say: having love or something like that. A partner -
and for me it doesn't matter whether it's an inside or outside one- helps
me to reach this state of being. In a way the other person is the trigger.
Loving requires "other", that's why Goddess made the illusions of Us.
> Since i was a young girl i had the "talent " to fall in love with
everybody and everything and very often i fell into this state of love
without any trigger at all. I was in love with love.......LOLOL
That's what life is like after marriage with the Divine Beloved! :)
Loving doesn't need a reason, or need a need.
>To this time i was so full of love that i had no idea what to do with it.
Because i wanted to be "normal" i tried to direct it to my partner, but was
told, it's too much , too intense, nobody can love like i can and so on......
Yup, that's the realization that triggered my own awareness of the
Divine Beloved. I had more "Forever soul mate" relationships that blew up
of the weight of their own expectations after 3 months, than I care to
count. Finally I realized my love was frying my beloveds like ants under a
magnifying glass. I realized the cute blonde guy who had been in my head
since I was a child might not exist outside of me.. I was supposed to
become him, not find him externally.. I realized that all the Cinderella BS
was a pack of nonsense meant to keep me dependent, and that falling "in
love" was a decision I'd made, every time, just because I liked how it felt
to be in love.
I got right pissed, and decided I wasn't gonna fall for that romance
stuff anymore!! No more looking for Mr. Right! I was going to become him,
instead.
I made a deal with Goddess, that if that guy really existed someplace
outside of me that She would bring him right to my doorstep and make sure
he survived my resistance. Then I focused my ability to love, on myself...
and turned into a Dominatrix!
> i felt whatever partner can only take 10 % of my love , so what do i do
with the other 90%? ROFL
Yep. Know what ya mean.. My cup runneth over. I spread it around, the
Tribe, the lists, my creative impulses, webpages, Tantra course.. plus
using it to clear stray entites and heal..
>When i just let it flow the people around me fell in love with me, because
they misinterpreted my shining as being directed towards them......i just
HATED this reaction and started closing myself up, because it was too
embarrasing to always explain that my love is only love flowing and not
meant personally.
I went though a whole cycle with that. My clients would suddenly get
this thunderstruck look and confess their love for me.. I'd take a time-out
and explain that it was just transference like happens with people falling
in love with thier Doctors. I tried to burst the bubble like lancing a boil.
Finally it occured to me that this was not really being respectful of
thier feelings. So I changed tactics, and when clients started telling me
they loved me I responded, "Of course you do. I am what you have been
dreaming of. Don't worry, it will wear off." Without interrupting the
session.
It's a side effect of the work. I let them project thier inner Divine
Beloved onto me, and channel Her to do the session. Even the energy of
unknown men who wank at my advertising pix is redirected to Goddess, but
when I did that I didn't realize it would mean She would be what they saw..
so I have a few stalkers, one fella has been pursuing me since 1997 and no
amount of discouragement will make him go away. Fortunately, he doesn't
know where I live...
Last time it happened, tho, was with one of the last clients I saw,
just a silly foot worship session with a guy who was hardly submissive at
all.. But he fell hard and was persistent, and completely wrong for me..
Japanese with a head full of nonsense expectations about how a woman he
loved, should behave.. I could see them in his head and I didn't want any
part of that lifestyle. He wasn't even seeing me, only his projections
reflected.
He didn't want to give it up, finally I snapped at him reflecting, his
total self centeredness and my annoyance of his expectations that I would
love him back. He decided I wasn't human.. so I called a time-out and
explained to him, that he was correct. I'm not human.. I explained about
Kundalini, etc..
Just one more item on my list of reasons for retiring.. just doesn't
seem fair to the clients, they have no idea that they will actually meet
Goddess when they hire me to play Goddess for them.
I don't fall "in love" because I AM love.. so completely that I'm
sometimes invisible like gravity.. I'm already in love with everything,
with life itself, and no way can that enormity be safely limited to be
aimed at just one person, unless they are Love too.. and if they are, then
they cannot fall "in love" any more than I can.
Unconditional love bombs blow up stuff, but being that feels like
nothing. Just peace and wisdom. People who are addicted to feeling the
human drama of love + need, or love + fear don't get that. It's not till
they get absolutely pissed off at the whole romantic idea of 2 x 2 like
Noah's Ark and chuck it out the window that they understand that what they
were feeling was not love at all, but co-dependence and need.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Mia.. Blessings!
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