To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/05 13:36
Subject: Re: [K-list] Manifesting Life Beyond Sorrow
From: Melissa P
On 2000/06/05 13:36, Melissa P posted thus to the K-list:
>From: v <madammumATnospamptialaska.net>
>
>I wish there could be a website where we could go to add power to our
>prayers, to clarify our intentions, & make sense of our impetuses &
>frustrations.
> There was that guy who was looking for followers on here; said he was
>a guru, & then disappeared. I had written him, & he wrote back that I
>had much more experience than him, but offered his knowledge of the
>Vedas as an option. I took him up on that option, but he disappeared
>anyway.
> When we are upon the spiritual path, how do we make sense of our
>emotions? Are they triggers to a higher path? Should we take medication
>to get through them? Or are they just chicken sh*t illusions because we
>become needy of human validation?
delurking for a moment..i've struggled with these questions myself, v..
my first thought..i don't know if it was tony or ben that you are referring
to, but my first response is..look within. Goddess is a much better
"handler" of your stuff than some "guru" type. not to dismiss real gurus by
ANY means, but there seems to have been a rash of rather well meaning but
ego based males that strut their tailfeathers on this list as of late..:)
i too have struggled with the emotion deal. to medicate? tried that.
pills have too many wierd lil side effects one way or another...though i
certainly think they settled me down in the past to where i could focus and
get back in a healthy groove.
plus i eventually resented not being able to handle my emotions without a
chemical. you know? but i really still struggled..
>
> I harbored such an unrequited love for a man here, for over 3 years.
>Everytime I had a "chance", I became all confused inside & so hurt &
>acted weird. I realized the hurt was from my past history of abuses, yet
>didn't know how to act; how to look at him & feel the deep feelings that
I guess if he were really my *friend* he wouldn't be
>having an illicit affair with a tame & pansy married woman), but I could
>have learned how to love him.
> I'm fairly certain that he turned away from me because I am not just
>"available", but also needy. I haven't even had a hug in about 4 years.
> But also there is the fact of the matter that I came from a very
>dysfunctional childhood & don't even KNOW how to act like a woman in
>love.
> I'm such a fool; that I could keep loving this man, & he didn't want
>me, because he was scared of the intensity & inner chemical attraction,
>which i should have hidden from him. But I didn't know how to act & was
>too slow, as usual, to even realize that he might have made room in his
>life for me. Now he is involved with a married woman - a "kept woman".
>She has taken to always being there at his shop, she does "watercolor
>demonstrations" when it is sunny, & rearranges the Alaska-art
>merchandise all in between.
> How could I NOT notice?
some snips...
> Is it that when we love a man, we (as women/man) need to take the
>place of our beloved's mother, & just be submissive to their every want
>& need? To sew & cook & clean the house, & worship our "beloved men"
>unconditionally?
> Do the beloved men still just go out & kill for food, & women be
>passive & tend the hearth fires?
> I never knew or saw when I drove him away. He's a simple man, & I am
>a very complicated woman who needs mega-healing.
> None of this information do I really know for certain, but as an
>empath, I feel strongly it is true.
> Somebody took a can of ugly brown spray paint to his VW van, & I
>would imagine it is the husband of Ms. "Watercolor artist".
> I have been on my own since I was 14, & have never had the
>opportunity to be a "kept woman". But maybe that's something I need to
>look at?
> I can never even bear to ask for help, except in prayer, & it is
>hurting very much that I cannot manage to ask for help, & my beloved man
>has turned away in favor of a married woman who watercolors mere flowers
>& flora & fauna, with no depth. She just manages to be doting, & reminds
>me of how the conquest from another man (husband) must be so
>irresistable & flattering.
> And so I must retain my position as a tortured flakey artist. I think
>I shall never fall in love with anyone ever again...
v - i'm going to defer to either Susan or Mystress A to hopefully flesh out
this ...
V..have you run into the concept of the Divine Beloved? (he isn't outside,
he's inside of us)...
i am afraid i dont quite have the words to give this proper
explanation...but its something i had read about for a few years on this
list and simply did NOT pay attention to. now, i do have a man in my life
and its pretty balanced and healthy, but i did have some moments lately
where i was feeling very out of control and needy and i was *re* introduced
to my divine beloved. its pretty huge if you are feeling overly "needy"
and driven a little out of your gourd with emotions.
working with my emotions, which were giving me this horrid feeling in my
solar plexus....right around my rib cage or making me feel dizzy
even...but..they finally led me to..learn the true meaning of the word
*surrender*.
i think i used to view that as a copout..believe it or not..
like ..it was some great show of my humanity if i wrestled with my emotions
and haha..actually BEAT them into submission. fat chance..
..but handing over my concerns to Goddess and or my Divine beloved to handle
has been a true revelation. also, something about activation the Divine
Beloved within helped me realize (again, with much help)
how perfectly whole i am without a human man in my life. now, i came to this
realization, then one showed up....a really good one...but its still a test
to see how grounded and whole i really am...
i read your words about this man and this married lady and i do know how
easy it is to get sucked into outer ..expressions of inner turmoil. frankly,
if this guy can't see the beautiful things you have to offer...i say screw
it and cut your losses. your time is much better spent loving
yourself...seeing Goddess in yourself and your own beauty and perfection.
you don't have to "watch" your friend go about this affair...you CAN pull
back and take some much needed time to not be distracted by HIS acting out
of his issues and antics...
these are some thoughts...
love
melissa ga
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