To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/04 17:04
Subject: [K-list] Subject: Feelings
From: Divine Goddess
On 2000/06/04 17:04, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
Katie writes....
Dear All,
I have a tremendous sense of wanting to belong to
the group, and feel that this is not possible without sharing my
experiences. I notice a comradarie between many or you, and I would
love to be as free in my expression of my feelings without having to
edit them. My fear is that of being exposed and misrepresented by
some people.
Susan responds.....
Practicing vulnerability involves risk and time. It was a painful
process for me to learn how to do my shadow work in public and get
over the fear of looking,feeling, acting stupid and becoming shark
bait at times.
I still have those feelings but instead I share anyway. It for me
comes down to trusting in postive outcomes, regardless. It is for me
a committment to be vulnerable in the moment, being committed to
speaking the truth of how I feel, it is practicing honesty with
myself and others and being committed to my growing.
I have found some people use my sharing to trumpet their own agendas
or what their experiences are. It is interesting, fascinating really,
to watch people share what they think I should do in a situation when
they are really telling me what a shit they are or have been or how
screwed up their life really is.(it's that rock throwing thing or
pissing on your heart's expression). It used to hurt. Then I didn't
care, now it sometimes pisses me off as you can see. I used not to
speak up when i felt hurt, I still dont alot.
Sharing/vulnerability is discipline to learn, and healthy. Receiving
a share from someone is even a more difficult discipline.
Email also has some limitations and some strengths. You may not hear
tones, see expression but you can feel energy.
Some guidelines...
Sharing causes an expansion in the heart, often tears, stuttering,
choking, trembling. It brings a stillness into the space because a
truth is being uttered. Resonance. There is tenderness. It empowers
the people around you and yourself. It is a bright shining strength
that feels soft. Sharing causes definate physical sensations in the
sharer and the people around her.
Sharing can degenerate into whining LOL. That is a different space
of feeling...whining is a pride/ego/victim thing. It makes you and
everyone who listens to you feel unempowered, icky. It's a slimy
energy that sucks the life out of everyone.Everybody knows when you
are doing it except you and me when we think we are sharing. See,
that's the point. Sharing isnt thinking. :)
Pay attention to your body's signals. At the point of sharing, do you
want to cross your legs, cross your arms, hunch over? That the
chakras closing down because sharing can be painful, it is *so*
intimate. It hurts the little i to share cos it is concerned with
survival. The little i works with what worked for you in the past.
Denial, silence, shielding, anger, violence. That's your signal to
share for you are approaching a transcendental moment of
transparency.
The veil between the little i and the big I is thinning. Thank the
little i for protecting you as it has done in the past but now it is
time for a better, healthier way.
Then throw it out there, unedited. Sure, there will be some sharks
around but they are attracted by the purity of the energy and who are
looking for a snack. They are really energy leeches looking to boost
their own withered hearts, heal their wounds, and energy bodies
rather than connecting with their own hearts source. 'Spiritual'
people often like to devour their own young. Love them. That is
another discipline to be learned.
For those people who want to reach out and 'touch' someone's share, I
would invite you to examine your motivation. To whom does it serve...
you or them?
Does it make you look/feel like a better, compassionate person or
teacher or what? There really is no answer when someone else is in a
deep vulnerable space. The only action is to hold out open
hands,palms out in service (and keep them close to your body,
please), eyes lowered and be silent. We are standing in the presence
of a miracle, the miracle of healing. You, the listener, are the
servant,a midwife standing at attention. That's your role,not
anything else. This is for the sharer's benefit, not ours. That
energy can be felt by the sharer and honors them, empowers them,
heals them.
Anything else is shitting in the temple.
If the share touches the hearer's heart, then by all means share, but
avoid the temptation to edit the share and fix the sharer. In the
circles that I fly, that's called "the helping hand strikes again"
phenomenon.
katie writes:
I would really appreciate some advice on this. Ones experiences are
so sacred and exposing ones vunerability can leave one open for
exploitation on many levels. I am an adult survivor of severe abuse.
I would love to be bombed with Love. I learn only through the power
of Love. My aspiration is to become Love. Unconditional Love. I am
opening to Love in whatever form the Goddess sends it to me. I have
problems with boundaries, but do not wish to become hardened either.
Le Gra
Katie
Susan responds:
Think of sharing as a spiritual discipline, a sacred practice that
empowers you and the people around you. You are expressing divinity,
expressing heart energy. It is so healing to the listeners. It opens
a door to forgiveness for your self and for those who are listening.
The big cosmic joke, Katie, is that you are Unconditional Love. You
just forgot. Once you know that you will have no more needs to draw
boundaries. (boundaries are ok. They provide protection until we are
strong enough in our vulnerability to shine forth our true essence).
But, imo, eventually boundaries are not necessary if finally realize
who we are.
You wanta know why? Cause when you recognize who you truly are even
the lowest forms of life on this planet (including the human
ones)will sense that resonance in you. Although they may come to want
what you have (those energy leech things again) they will treat you
with respect. Their loss if they don't.
Katie, you really shine.
Namaste,
Susan
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