To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/02 08:44
Subject: Re: [K-list] Bliss poll
From: Lynda
On 2000/06/02 08:44, Lynda posted thus to the K-list:
> Poll question: Have you ever experienced Bliss, Ecstasy, Rapture or
*Joy.*
> And what, if anything, set it off?
Deep breath, here goes (I've just woken up, been dreaming of answering this
question and it was really hard to find the words)
For me, these four words all have a very different tone/flavour, Bliss is
one
that I've never really used prior to joining this list and I'm still
learning
what it means to me.
Ecstasy - well another word that I didn't have an experience for until I
attended a Comunity Building workshop, in a place called Orthona on the
south coast of England. ( the community recieved this house as a gift in
1965, previously it had been the home of a group of women, the Christian
Contemplative Charity.)
This was a three day event, the aim was to experience the movement of a
group
from pseudo-community, through chaos (is was held that there are three ways
out of
chaos, back to pseudocommunity, organisation or through 'emptiness' into
community.)
33 people (inc. me) sat in a circle for about 2 1/2 hrs at a time, the idea
being only to speak when moved. I listened and listened and listened. On
about four occaisions my heart let me know I had something to say. The first
thing I became aware of was the 'experience' of paradox as a bodyily felt
tension, not just an intellectual idea. It made me feel nauseous. By Friday
night I was feeling 'all at sea'. During the Saturday, it was like I was
drowning in a sea of grief and I cried, like I was weeping oceans but with
no idea why. The Saturday night ( relax time) we started to make music and a
part of me that had been silent for years sang with a voice that I found
hard to believe was mine. ( I used to earn my living singing in Ireland)
The songs that wanted to be sung were the ones of love and longing for The
Lady that I had learned from gaelic speakers.
During the Sunday I felt more and more 'entranced'. At dinner time I felt
restless and couldn't settle until I found a place to lie so that the top of
my head was pointed towards the sun, it seemed important although I didn't
know why. Shortly after the final session in the circle had started, it
felt like I was being struck by lightening which I instinctively let pass
through me into the ground in the chapel we were sitting in. As I sat there,
it was like a feeling spead through my heart and soul and even my bone
marrow that 'all was well' and it always had been and always would be and as
I gazed around at all the faces everyone seemed to be shining individual
expressions of Glory, perfect and just as they should be. I was a part of
them and they were a part of me and we were a a part of everything and so
on and so on and so on. As I felt this, I felt the energy rise up through
me, it 'blew me apart' and I exploded into laughter.
I made my way home and tried to carry on functioning as if nothing had
happened ( for me I think this was a mistake) but I kept getting
'aftershocks' and eventually collapsed as I have written about earlier.I
spent three days in an altered state, the first guide I met was Psyche, she
told me there were seven charactors in my story and she would help me find
them. An awful lot happened in the three days. To start with my daughter has
told me that I kept saying that it was a game and that I couldn't tell her
the rules of the game because that was a rule of the game, and any way they
weren't set until the fourth letter had been chosen. Apparently I was going
on about needing to get to the centre, where all the three letter 'roots'
were because all the rules were different depending on the choice of the
fourth letter, once the fourth had been chosen then the rules govening that
path/choice were set.
I also spent some time in what I suspect was like the Tower in the tarot
(I've since recognised it) and some time as a new born baby and hungry for I
knew not what, with St. Micheal with his sword on one side and a female wolf
on the other who explained that his words had got all muddled up and I
shouldn't take them too litereally. The next thing I remember, I was a
planet and I was reflecting the light from the Sun back to the Sun. I was in
contact with 'the love of my life' ( no one I know in this world) who was on
another planet that only recieved light on one side, ( it didn't revolve -
actually I just did a typo and wrote evolve and changed it), he had
volunteered to be with all the souls who lived in darkness to bring them
some comfort. The planet he was on was moving away and going out of range,
we, those who were in contact and kept him alive, were about to lose
contact. Now was the time for him to return to us because we couldn't
continue to supply energy when the planet he was on had gone too far out of
range. He refused to leave all those souls alone in darkness and though it
meant his death he refused to 'jump ship'. I wailed as my heart broke as I
realised he would not return to me, this was his last chance, time was
running out.I also wailed to let him know I was pregnant. I came to accept
that we would not be reunited in this life and that if he died because the
planet had gone out of our reach he would be dead for ever, no chance of
being reborn. Eventully I felt surrender to respect for his choice and
autonomy and to the knoiwlege that I would bring the child up alone and as I
did I felt unseen hands turning me into a spiral that pumped the light, and
other planets started to turn and we made a pump that held his planet in
place and by turning we sent light to the dark side, to sustain him while he
gave the souls in darkness hope. With each turn I made I sent the energy
through the sun and it appeared that the sun winked each time, and I laughed
and said 'here's one in the eye for you'.
What I think I'm trying to communicate was that when I came back to myself I
felt like I was changed at a very fundamental level, like I was looking at
the world through the eyes of a child, a very young one. And this is what,
for me, an 'ecstatic experience' means.And I think I can name the travels in
the unconcious 'rapture' in as much I felt that I had been siezed ( kept
thinking of Persephone when I got back)
As far as the *joy*and /or Bliss goes, oh the list is endless but I'll have
a go.
Playing in a Samba band, especially at sunrise on J'overt morning.
Dancing, especially when wearing a carnival costume that I've made.
Playing jigs and reels in minor keys.
Being in nature, seeing a tree, a carpet of bluebells....(endless list)
When I see a smile on a face
The moments when I just knew I'd conceived - my two daughters
Being present at the birth of my first grandaughter
March 24th, 9.30pm. 1999, when I suddenly knew that my fourth grandaughter
had been conceived.
A hug from a friend
Finding a question that I hadn't found words for is answered on this list
without me having to ask it.
And that will have to do as this post is getting a bit long.
With love
Lynda
There ae two kinds of truths. There are the superficial truths, the opposite
of which are obviously wrong. But there are also the profound truths, whose
opposites are equally right.
Neils Bohr.
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