To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/29 14:04
Subject: [K-list] re: The Power of Love
From: Divine Goddess
On 2000/05/29 14:04, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
Dear El,
Thanks for posting this.
I am still a little pissed off and yet another opportunity for me to
look within and heal a part of me.
When I get angry, it is an opportunity to look inside the energy and
see why that post 'hooked' me.
I remember when I used to judge the quality of people's feelings and
emotions by my own harsh standards. I still do at times...still an
area that needs deep healing. I was judged harshly by the step
monster
my mother was married to when I was a teen. I was also brutalized
emotionally. Some day when I am totally healed of something that
happened over twenty years ago I probably will no longer refer to him
as the step monster.
Unfortunately, that being one of my only role models for adult
interactions, that was the main model imbedded into me.
The rest of my life is learning how to choose to see differently and
releasing that old model's hooks in me. Like a viral parasite, it is.
In the meantime, I am sensitive, to what feels the same experience in
other people's transactions. I am sensitive to when people play
teacher and pounce upon vulnerability and show them the 'only' way to
experience life.
I have watched in my lifetime, many flowering of a human heart,
exquisite in it's vulnerablity and innocence, begin to open
tentatively and then with growing confidence in safety and security,
bloom outrageously. It is a miracle to watch and it takes time if one
practices non-interference. It is a discipline to sit in reverent
quiet at the feet of an unfolding miracle.
I have watched also, others, just like myself, in the interest of
knowing they hold the keys to all knowledge and understanding, touch
those first few tentative petals, to shape them. And then I get to
watch those same petals fold in upon themselves, turn brown and die.
And then I wonder why no one ever wants to share from their heart
again... why doesnt anyone want to speak...why is it so silent?
The 'grow goddammit' school of teaching is so wearisome. I am truly
tired of it all, so stressful, so unnecessary.
I am learning to sit at the feet of miracles in awe and reverence.
When a leaf begins to drop, I won't reach up and tear it off to help
it move quicker. I will wait and watch it fall and marvel at it's
existence. I will wait until my service is requested.
Love,
Susan
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