To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/26 12:11
Subject: [K-list] re: tears
From: Divine Goddess
On 2000/05/26 12:11, Divine Goddess posted thus to the K-list:
El writes:
I was punished (spanked, slapped, ridiculed, threatened, etc.) as a
child for any exuberant display of emotion, and always for anger or
tears, so I understand what you're saying. But my nature is so
feeling/emotion oriented that it didn't shut down in me, I just
learned to be very careful in letting anyone see me cry. I'm still
careful about that, even if they are tears of joy. I've learned that
only people with very open hearts can be trusted to witness the
holiness of my tears.
Susan responds:
When I was little I had no problem crying. When I was 11 my mom
married the step monster. When I was 12 and was laughing he came
flying in to the living room and slapped me hard across the face and
began berating me for being disrespectful.
I felt the tears start to well up. NO ONE had ever slapped me in the
face before. In that instant I made a decision to never let him see
me
cry. I could feel the armor appear on my face. Unfortunately I was
armored from crying for any reason in front of any person.
It took 12 years before I cried again. It took another 15 or so for
the tears to come spontaneously from an open heart (took a lot of
personal healing). I used to have innappropriate emotional outbursts
in situtions. No balance, no temperance.
My tears are my badge of courage now. I won't stop them from flowing
for any reason. They are my evidence that I do stand in the holiest
of
holies.
Love,
Susan
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