To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/26 10:37
Subject: Re: [K-list] tears
From: Paul Perner
On 2000/05/26 10:37, Paul Perner posted thus to the K-list:
meeradjiATnospamhome.com wrote:
> Hello to everybody,
>
> i was wondering whether some of you have the same experience: something
> is very intense and you are touched and happy and just cry. I very often
> was asked about that and even misunderstood, because people don't
> connect tears to happiness or fulfillment, but to pain and sorrow.
Mia,
This I can relate to.
In my case, the joy tears had two phases. When I first got off drugs I
would cry mostly out of gratitude for be alive and receiving the support and
friendship of others in recovery. Months later, after my breakthrough I
mostly cried because I felt people didn't understand and most of the people
in the recovery community no longer wanted me around because I had suddenly
become a "spiritual psycho." (self pity, one can say). But a year afterward
I found myself getting watery eyed over anything and everything that's
profoundly beautiful in this world.
Last month we went to the Getty museum and in the ancient art wing I saw a
small Greek icon that just tore me open. It was very simple and made of
stone, but I don't think there are words in modern language to describe such
beauty. The tears were rolling down and for a guy, with all those people
around... well, I became very self conscious in a few minutes.
One day, in the middle of August, a giant thunder cloud rolled in just as
the sun was setting. Not only was this unheard of in this arid region, but
it was the biggest, most dramatic, most glorious cloud I had ever seen ...
and the sun was behind it causing golden rays to fill the sky.
I was on a busy street in front of the shop helping a friend load a truck.
When I looked up at the sky, I just had to pause, say a line of ad-lib
poetry and dance a jig on the sidewalk. And just as soon as the first tear
came, my friend turned to me and grumbled, "What's your f**in' problem,
dude? Haven't you ever seen a cloud before? It's just a bunch of water
hangin' in the sky." His words were like a lead bowling ball hitting a
concrete floor.
To this day I get very emotional just the recollection of high moments of
shared love, the arts and the natural world. I once actually cried at the
sight of a tree (I love the Moody Blues song, "Balance" ...."...the veins in
the leaf ... the stars .... magnificent perfection"). Some people claim the
right to their misery. Now I've decided to claim the right to my happiness
(and soon In this light, next time when someone sees my tears in a public
in a public place and asks me what's wrong, I'm going to keep it simple and
tell them I was chopping onions.
Mia, you and I and many others on this lists are not seeing the vessel as
half empty and we're net seeing it as half full, either. No, our cups are
running over and what people see as "tears" is just the sweet wine of joy
dripping from the edge.
Always
Paul
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