To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/26 09:45
Subject: Re: [K-list] tears
From: Yahseyes
On 2000/05/26 09:45, Yahseyes posted thus to the K-list:
Mia, you are not alone and I know it can feel like it as I just went through
this recently and shared it with people on the list. I thought I was going
nuts and asked and as usual, this list saved my sanity by confirming what I
felt but was alone in thinking. I didn't understand why I would cry for
being totally happier than my body could handle, and I think making this new
capacity is what it is about. I will explain down a bit.
Just yesterday, I listened to Sarah McLachlan, a cd she did called "Fumbling
towards Ecstasy". she is awakened and many of her songs speak of the
unconditional love of Goddess embracing a K awakened lover and hoping so much
that the lover will make it through the pain of the change, knowing there is
no other way. I listen to that and my arms hairs go up like a cat, goose
pimples, and I cry and can't talk to others but I am in bliss, not sadness.
When I walk during these moments, I literally feel my body going up off the
ground, like I am becoming very light and rising. Goddess speaking directly
to me is a place where religious people have been known to lose their minds
in worship, but this is not what Goddess wants. She wants only to join with
her lover in love.
Another example I gave was when my daugther was born. I was with my wife at
the time who was trying to deliver natural but something went wrong with the
birth canal and my daughter could not finish the birth alone. Doctors put a
fetal monitor on my wife and I heard my daughter's heart go into fetal
distress, her heart was beating hard, and then stopped, beating hard,
stopping, then the new rounds of beats were weaker, and the periods of
stopping longer. I was crying out of deep deep saddness. Doc's ran and said
just sign this form, we have no time to explain.
My wife was rushed up to the OR for emergency c section. I was standing
outside in a make shift sort of waiting area as there is none for this type
of situation. If it was any longer than 3 minutes, this body she chose with
me would be dead forever, she was dying over and over to my ears, my sweet
daughter, my child, was dying and I was witness.
The nurse in the OR - who I am sure was one of the many angels there that
night - was given my daughter after the successful minute long operation and
was taking her to another area to clean babies and saw me, I must have been a
real mess.
She looked around back and forth to make sure no one saw and put my child in
my arms still bloody and alive. Probably broke every rule ever made. I
touched her lips under her nose and she openned her eyes and smiled at me,
yes smiled, people say it was probably from the ticklish feeling of my
finger, but it was a happy smiling face. the nurse was stunned.
I was the first light she saw, I feel into her eyes, they were all pupil and
the whites were bluish with the distinct look of a 20 second year old soul in
a beautiful baby body. I had had in the past, the experience of holding a
person in my arms at the point of death. The feeling of the soul leaving was
the same feeling as the soul entering my daughter. How many people can say
they felt a life entering a body while they were holding it and then how many
can say it was a child they helped bring here? Well, the reason for this
long story is that, I was overwhelmed with emotion and cried like there was
no tomorrow, it was very deep crying, yet I was blessed and so happy.
Even now, when I tell this story, I still get choked up. The laughter
becomes tears, I cry with a big smile on my face.
I understand what you said about laughter not seeming to be able to go along
with the emotion you speak of. Crying does to a better degree I think but I
sometimes feel there is still another emotion I haven't been exposed to yet,
no name, above crying, and the crying is bringing me to know it, it is
forming from the crying, like the crying will bring me to the door where it
will be so intense, that this new emotion will finally come out to express
the feeling better. I find my throat getting deep and like a pulling of my
heart, throat, and somewhere behind my nose, trying to stretch into one new
thing. Like the cavity where we feel a hole in our heads that leads the
tears out and where the tears come from is birthing itself. Does this sound
like your experience with bliss crying?
I hope this helps you relate.
Love Lou
1/4053/5/_/680797/_/959359571/
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.