To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/17 22:41
Subject: Re: [K-list] Is everyone ok re these crazy entities?.
From: Yahseyes
On 2000/05/17 22:41, Yahseyes posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Wim:
You wrote:
When one is acutely depressed
or in a anxiety or panic state one actually remembers and feels the physical
feelings OF the moment AT the moment when the first or worst violation of
one's integrity took place. That last physical memory of that moment, even
though it felt ugly at the moment of the violation, it felt sweet just
before that violation. Unfortunately that feeling (solar plexus chakra in
your case) became associated with the moment of pain or loss of integrity.
>Yes, you are exactly right on this.
When I was in the thralls of my deepest depression I experienced intense
panic and anxiety feelings all through my body but especially concentrated
around the the chakra areas in the front of my body.
>That's where I remember it hurting on me a couple of years back. In my case
it was the empty pit under my heart, like I just heard someone I loved died
horribly and while being told, was kicked in under the chest with a metal toe
of an iron boot.
>On my heart, it was actually most sensitive in the right side above the
chamber and followed a path of tenderness up to the beginning of my collar
bone. I am guessing this is the aortic path. I used to sleep talking with
Mystress while I had a Swedish electrical back massager running all night
massaging this area. I thought my heart was about to explode in the aorta on
the tender inside of my right peck closest to the center of my body about 2
inches from where the collar bone comes together to form the neck cavity,
about 3 to 4 inches from the bottom of the throat.
>Massaging this area actually reduced the tension tremendously. It was like
I was rubbing the fear in this area and dealing with the sadness by rubbing
in the solar. Rubbing that changed by frown to a smile, almost like being
tickled.
. THEN, anal retention, holding in and back, diarhea and constipation. NOW,
vitality with a wonderful feeling of contentedness and stability around the
peri-anal area. (Sometimes like the sweet feelings of a good crap or a nice
pee. Hehehe, wee wee wee wee, hehehe. I had to do a lot of work in that
area.) The potty frustrations!
> Same with me here. I was having my rectum close before all the ca ca was
free and out. Makes a very mushy mess. Rectal muscles were just a nervous
mess and contracted at inappropriate times.
something resembling puppy-love. Remember your first love, how tender,
gentle sweet around the chest area, the feeling of happy butterflies when
you were anticipating meeting your love again. The left and right side of
the chest so large and filled with a gladdening vastness. Taking in, giving
out... breathing wholeheartedly in an upward direction... feeling the divine
heart within.
>Yes, I remember this well. Its interesting that the same sensation of being
totally in Puppy love was the same PHYSICALLY as depression. Only now, the
trigger was bad. Very good connection to your major point.
. THEN, dreams for escape sake, fantasies of grandeur, megalomania, dreams
of being chased, flooded away by uncontrollable streams of fear down my
brains, the headaches.
>Yeah, with me it was a very close suicide only thwarted by the future memory
of how my little daughter would feel the pain forever if I did. I choose to
live with the pain rather than escape it, as I falsely thought it would at
the time if I ofted myself, so that my daughter would not know such a
feeling. I was also in Canada, on a 4th or 7th floor window ledge, staring
down thinking, for sure, this was going to be it, saying my good-byes,
crying. The people in Toronto, and the people there seemed so magic and
removed from everything bad. I was surrounded by angels at christmas in the
snow. They actually sent me a love that with the decision to spare my
daughter pain, I stepped down and went to the hotel (4 seasons) and had a
wonderful meal with my new secret friends. Canadians are very special.
Psyche and Amor in love (Left and right sides of the
brain integrating maybe ?!!!) Sweetness in the brow and temples as though an
embracing of the two sides of the brain...masculinity and femininity
undifferentiated or not putting conditions each other's expectations.
>Exactly, my left and right brain are having a love affair now that is like
ecstasy in the middle, and they have decided to make it a foursome with my
left and right heart, and now the four of them are making up love games like
thinking with the heart and feeling with the brain, modified by the left and
right properties of each, very interesting stuff these poots get into. I
love them.
>you shared a lot about yourself Wim. Your stories are my stories and all of
our stories are our stories. You helped me allot with this post. Thank you.
Love Lou
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